Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday February 28 2009

We ordered pizza and watched a movie in our jammies tonight. Good day. I love my family. Am thankful for big h cuddling with me while we watched the movie.

Friday, February 27, 2009

friday february 27 2009

well, this is where i would tell you to go grab yourselves a delicious dr pepper over ice and sit for a moment. because this is going to be a long one.

but since i'm not drinking dr pepper these days. honestly, i don't know what to tell you to do. so how about i not tell you to do anything. but read. if you're interested.

i do feel i owe a disclaimer. this will be long. and probably won't make much sense. because i'm in a bit of daze. and because i KNOW it won't make sense, it might be easier to write anyway.

i'm not going to tell you the events of the day. shocker. i'm spicing it up a bit tonight. and it's rich. and heavy. and deep? i know. can you believe it? i'm going to the leave the comic comfort zone for a minute. or twelve.

i may have mentioned that at the end of 2008, i decided i wanted a change. i didn't know what that meant. i just knew that God was going to do big things either IN me or THROUGH me. or both.

and i told a lot of people about it. because i was so excited. i hadn't felt this way in a long time. i chose not to document any of my new years' resolutions here. because honestly, i was afraid of failure. and accountability does quite a number on me. i DESPISE letting people down.

so i told buz that the december 2008 janet was not content with staying the same and didn't want to recognize the december 2009 janet. again, not sure what that meant. i'm all about being vague. or mysterious. whichever sounds cooler.

buz wasn't sure what i meant either. and i couldn't describe it to him. i could only tell him that i wanted change. and i didn't want to let life go by and miss it. so i started making a master to-do list. a huge, HUGE list. and i started giving dates to the things i actually wanted to accomplish. but i felt like Satan was attacking me with all sorts of fear. (see, i told you i was going deeper than normal. and hold on. i've just begun.) i know that fear is not of God. so i was determined not to let it get the best of me.

one thing i wanted to do was get a website up and running. but i was afraid. do i have any idea what i'm doing? what in the world do i need a website for? my stuff is not as good as anything out there. i am mediocre. i am average. i just "think" i take decent photographs. these ideas kept pelting me in the face. but because my husband loves me and God loves me, buz kept suggesting it. and suggesting it. and so i gave myself a deadline for having one up. and it was february 1 2009. and i got up. but i haven't put it anywhere. haven't told anyone about it. because of fear. and so tonight, i introduce you to...

there. i did it. i accomplished something big. and i SO want to give you all kinds of disclaimers about how not perfect it is and how i know you know plenty of other really talented photographers that are so much better than me. but i'm not going to do it. (even though i really want to.) i'm just going to put it out there and feel confident that i have a love. and i have put a name on it. there.

another thing i was stressing about was how undisciplined i was. exercise. fun things with my kids. fun things with buz. eating. reading. etc.

and so i started thinking about the lent season. and decided, "darnit, i'm going to give up dr pepper." and then the reality set in. and i was just SURE i couldn't do it. and i told myself over and over again that there was no way. but today is day three. and i am doing it. one day at a time. (i know you're probably thinking, 'um, it's just soda.' um, it is not just soda. trust me.) but it is not me doing it. it is the Lord at work in my life. teaching me discipline and self-control. it is also teaching me that when i really want one, i think of what Jesus did for me. and i remember why i'm doing this in the first place.

i love exercising. but i have given myself all sorts of excuses why i couldn't exercise. we don't belong to a gym. the rec center that we could join doesn't have childcare. i couldn't go once buz got home because it was nighttime and dark, and he didn't feel like that was safe. neither of my kids will ride in a stroller anymore. but i told myself, i needed to enjoy fresh air and get my body moving again. so i have taken time out of "me time" to walk/run the neighborhood while my kids are in school. ironically enough, i said i was taking time out of "me time" even though i love being out walking or running. shouldn't that be considered me time? and you know what? it's God working through me. because it would be really easy to drop my kids off and come home and do nothing or go run a bunch of errands and kill time. but surprisingly, i have done it. i realize it's only twice a week. but it's two more times than i was doing anything at all.

why am i writing all of this? i went to a women's "celebrate life" event tonight at a local church. and i'll be honest, i was SO not excited about going. i was going with a friend who had invited ten of her other friends. so i wasn't going to know anyone. and i had no idea what it would involve. but i went because i paid my money. and because it meant that buz would put the kids to bed. c'mon. don't judge.

but what happened? it changed my life. it was incredible. i tried so hard to explain it to buz. but i couldn't get the words out the way they were in my head and heart. i hate when that happens. so it's 130am, and i can't sleep. i have to get this out.

the speaker was good. but the worship leader knocked my socks off. and i haven't had this happen in a long time.

the friend i went with is not much of a touchy feely person. and God SO knew i needed that. He knew i needed Him. and Him only. i didn't need to share my experience with a person. i needed to share it with my Savior.

this gal was incredibly talented. her passion for her music was contagious. but the moment when God reached down and grabbed hold of me was when she was telling the story of her song, "daughter of the King." she spoke of how she felt dirty and completely unworthy. and she was able to share with Satan, "um, no. i am not dirty. i am redeemed by my Father. and i am a beautiful daughter of the King." she went on to share stories and did so very eloquently. she talked of lies that Satan continuously told her. but to be honest, i don't remember a lot of what else she said. i just remember literally FEELING God touch me. and say, "listen, janet. listen. because i am speaking through her directly to YOU."

oh my word. it was incredible. again, it was awesome because He knew i didn't need a verbal touchy feely friend there to talk about this with. i needed Him. only Him.

and i felt that feeling again of "2009 is going to be a great year full of wonderful changes." i want to be passionate for Jesus. i want to live my life for Him for all to see. especially my husband and my children. i want to make my life count. i want Him to be glorified.

i don't know what this looks like. but i know that i am pumped. pumped about not having fear. pumped about feeling confident in Him. pumped about not being jealous of whatever. jealous of other individuals' talents, money, or status. being content in the life i'm leading right now. right here. and hopefully glorifying Him.

are you still with me? well, bless you.

you know i'm going to leave you with pictures. but thanks for letting me put my heart out there. to get these thoughts and feelings on "paper." i have an excitement in my soul right now that i absolutely CANNOT describe.

what am i thankful for today? seriously? no question. Christ dying on the cross so that i could be a beautifully redeemed daughter of the King.

(i SO wish i could find the lyrics to that song. but please. go listen to it. it's breathtaking.)

oops. i posted the pictures on another post. will publish them by themselves.

friday february 27 2009

from friday february 27...
my daugher has always been such a delicate flower. no princesses for her today. nope, just some good 'ol fashioned bricks.
this is a face we see eighty percent of the day.
we had friends over. and big h was running ahead of the little guy to make sure there was room for the roller coaster.
goo feeding boz the bear some of her juice.
having some juice herself.
and so we begin of some of goo's many faces.
who knew she already knew how to do the cheesy smile. guess her brother taught her.
i am head over heels in love with this kid.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

thursday february 26 2009

day 2 of no dr pepper.

did you notice yesterday's post? minimal narrative. and two sub par pictures? yeah. yesterday was day 1 of no dr pepper.

good times around the wisner house. even buz asked tonight if it would be ok if he had one. bless his heart. don't wake the monster. there are two terrible times. ok, actually, most of the day is terrible. but at least i've realized my addiction.

time #1 is at 2 when i pick up big h (and goo) from school. and it's happy hour at sonic. own up to it -- you don't know a single person who gets a water bottle at sonic's happy hour. no one. so we just didn't go. because i couldn't.

time #2 is right after i put goo down. big h and buz do something special after goo goes to sleep. play some lego playstation game or watch something together. i usually come to the computer and write my little post. and i get ready for my evening snack. popcorn. cheese and crackers. or way worse if it's the weekend. and i either get a dr pepper out of the fridge or i pour one over ice (which i prefer)......

i should stop talking about this.

today i am thankful for my mom. now that my parents live here, my mom get together pretty regularly. we meet somewhere for dinner at the spur of the moment. we go window shop on a week night. just because she has coupons. or she comes over and keeps me company during the witching hours.

one thing that i have always been grateful for but RARELY IF EVER tell her is how thankful i am that she's a seamstress. she has made curtains for every place i have lived. i have never had to have my pants hemmed because she does it for me. she made me a t-shirt quilt. she's made my friends awesome items ranging from quilts to curtains to burp cloths to bags to clothes. last week, she taught me how to reupholster our dining room chairs. the chairs that had become SO DISGUSTING and just happened to be covered in off-white material. so i bought material and she brought her mighty staple gun, and we went to town, doing ALL EIGHT chairs. and rewarding ourselves with a viewing of pretty woman. (and just as a side note: have any of you watched pretty woman with your mom? because oh my. there are a lot of scenes that were awkward to watch with my mom.) also, last week, she taught me how to make those rock star t-shirts for big h and goo. granted, i did a lot of ironing and cutting. and she did ALL of the sewing. but we accomplished something together. and she laughed a lot at all of the questions i asked. because really? bless my heart. i am the spokesperson for the bless her heart campaign. i really am surprised sometimes at the sheer amount of things i do NOT know. sad. but she answers kindly. what i would give to know what she tells my dad when she gets home.

anyway. i am thankful that my mom lives here. that she gives and gives and gives. her money. her time. her involvement. to me. to buz. to my children. to my friends. and to the random people of the world. the lady does NOT meet strangers. seriously.

i can GUARANTEE my mom has very sharp pins in her mouth right now. and you know what? doesn't phase me a bit. i've seen my mom with pins in her mouth my whole life.

and in this one? i can GUARANTEE she's talking. she's where i get that whole "verbose" thing. apple didn't fall far from the tree. for the life of me, i CANNOT tell a short story. neither can she.

yep, sleeveless shirt for the goo. 90 degrees today. february. don't even ask how i feel about that.

hi. i'd like to introduce you to my fourteen-year-old son.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

wednesday february 25 2009

best part of my day? three-way tie. between 1) big h walking me through an ENTIRE lego instruction booklet. at 630am. in my bed. while i was half asleep. and he got to one page and said, "ok mama, i'm about to turn the page to the coolest thing you've ever seen. are you ready?" or 2) when i was waiting for him to put his legos in a sack so he wuoldn't lose them in his bed, and i was getting ready to tuck him in and give him kisses. he looked up at me while i was waiting and said, "mama. you look good today." or 3) buz cleaning the house. for no reason. just because. ummm, yeah.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

tuesday february 24 2009

it's fat tuesday today.

i'm not going to lie. tomorrow? is going to be a tough day. my posts for the next several days might be a bit, shall we say, DARK.

because tomorrow? i'm giving up dr. pepper. for jesus.

well, everyday but saturday. i couldn't do cold turkey.

(big sigh)

there are many reasons. but i am not going to lie. life is going to be tough from tomorrow until Easter.

don't think i didn't have about four or five DPs today.

we tried the undies today. because i wanted to? ummm, no. i got goo out of bed to go take big h to school. and she said just as plain as day, "i wear dora skivvies?"

i kid you not. but after no successes, two accidents, and nap time, we went back to diapers. i PROMISE i will not write about every aspect of potty training. because i CAN. but i won't. but please...check out my fabulous daughter just doing her thing with her book, her muh, and her hollywood shades. she does things right.

best part of my day? WAKING big h up at school. yes. he's five and a half. and yesterday and today, i have had to WAKE HIM UP. everyone else in his class has been up and reading stories with the lights on and mamas are coming to pick up their little darlings. and there rests big h, sawing logs like a middle-age man. drool on his pillow. the whole nine yards. i love it. makes him still a little boy.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday February 22 2009

updated: see? i told you i would post them.

kelly, i finally figured out how to nail this. thanks to your help. i have been trying for months to get my kids running. and i did it today. :)

mental note: do NOT show this to my father, who will be APPALLED at how long my child's hair is.

buz boxing on the wii.

big h doing the same.

once again...the fascination with the goggles.

big h means business.

goo chasing big h through "the woods." or really, just some shrubs. but shhh...don't tell her.

my happy little girl.

ms. wiz...notice the scarves?

this girl does NOT mess around.

i'm sure there is some safety laws about bringing toys on the trampoline. but we'll keep this our little secret.

This morning buz made the executive decision not to go to church. Our kiddos have been a *tad* under the weather and he decided to give everyone a chance to rest. So I woke up to a living room full of my favorite people, coffee had been made, and everyone was eating breakfast. It was surreal, really. That buz is a keeper.

I'm sure you guys can't believe I'm writing in caps. It's weird I know. I'm writing from my phone so I won't wake anyone and it capitalizes everything automatically. I just adore lowercase letters so much. It's not that I have anything against capitals. They're just so formal and mature. Not my style.

Everyone asleep, you ask? Yep. And you'd think I would be too but I am enjoying the quiet so much. Apparently I've been a bit crabby today and I didn't even know it. Poor me. Actually poor my family.

We had a great time playing outside today. Came in and got ready for rest time. Goo takes rest time pretty seriously at our house. Praise Jesus. Big H...not so much. But he's done a great job learning to play quietly while we can "turn the house off" for a little while.

This afternoon we're heading out to get goo something for picture day on Wednesday. It's still weird thinking goo does little school things. Like have picture day. I'll have to look through big h's school pictures and scan them. They are freaking awesome.

And hopefully I can get out of my husband-diagnosed funk soon.

And for those of you thinking I'm going to actually, you know, PUT goo in the undies, bless your heart. I'm not there yet. (oh. i'm back on my computer. so you'll be pleased to know that i am back to my lowercase letters.) not even close. but i'm going to give myself some time to do it. and enjoy it with her. (cough cough) bless my heart.

this afternoon, when everyone woke up, we headed out to a local mall to walk around. and then, we ended up playing outside. and buz said that it was BY FAR the softest grass he had ever placed his feet on. and buz does not make comments like those. so take note.

and guess who left her camera in the car. talk about day for awesome stuff. oh well.

and i'm on buz's computer right now because i got the blue screen on mine. yikes. so no pictures tonight because i was tired of sitting on the chair. so tomorrow i will put them up. they're there. i promise.

thankful for? the feelings big h has for goo. he absolutely ADORES her. today, when we were at the mall, playing in the big field of grass, there were several other kids out just playing and running. he initially asked us if he could play with these boys. we said that was fine but that they were much bigger and older than him. we just wanted him to know that they might say no. he quickly said, "oh, ok. i will play with goo. because she doesn't have anyone to play with." and play with her, he did. and loved it. and took her on little adventures while buz and i watched. it was beautiful. and all throughout the day, i'll hear "goo, you're just cute, aren't you?" without any prompting. and she loves him and thinks he hung the moon. which, in her eyes, he did. but i love that he takes the big brother role so seriously. he would go to the ends of the earth for her. and i am thankful for that.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

saturday february 21 2009

i'm on buz's computer, so these are all straight out of the camera.

the shirt my mom and i made for goo the other day.

muh riding the roller coaster all by herself. goo kept commenting on how brave she was. she really is like a third kid.

again. how fun is dad?

daddy took this while she was inviting him into her castle.

big h's shirt that we made.

look what i bought today at target. deep breath in. deep breath out. when i showed up yesterday to pick up goo from school, her teachers told me i needed to start dressing her in elastic waist pants and shirts, not long dresses. because she was in the same diaper all day.

so i bit the bullet and bought these. i am so nervous to put her in them. i need a date to start. spring break? that seems good, right?