Sunday, August 26, 2012

on the eve of kindergarten, take 2

so.  i never blog anymore.  i own it.  sometimes i get really sad that it just doesn't happen anymore.  because i miss that a lot of our memories aren't captured through words or pictures.  but i just can't imagine sitting down at the computer as often i once did to document our lives.

(after reading that, i *am* really sad that i don't blog anymore.  but...too much work.  oh well.  stay on task, janet.)

y'all.  goo?  is starting kindergarten tomorrow morning.

{breathe in.  breathe out.}

there are so many things swirling around in my head right now.  like...HOW CAN THIS BE?

last year, goo attended a FABULOUS kindergarten at a private school in the area and had an amazing experience.  the year before was a tough one.  so i envisioned a tough one again.  but no.  she had a woman who loved her every day.  who prayed for and with her every day.  who taught her Scripture.  who taught her different ways to pray.  different things to pray for.  different people to pray for.  the importance of our service men and women.  the importance of our public service workers (firemen and women, police officers, paramedics, 911 responders, etc).  and the different names for God.  all while teaching her how to read, write, do math, experience worship, etc.  so.  needless to say, we love(d) her.

and so when the year was over, we were sad.  we had her awesome teacher (and her husband) over for dinner.  and it was wonderful.  and we've met her for ice cream this summer.  and goo has prayed for her on a regular basis.

and all summer, i worried.  i worried about my little missionary daughter.  who has become an amazing little woman with the most enormous heart.  i have been praying for her as the thought of her going to "the big house" enters my mind.  i have been praying almost daily for a little friend for her.  a boy or a girl.  a friend who makes good decisions as a 5- or 6-year-old.

fast forward to this past thursday night. kindergarten parent orientation night.  the night where we'd find out who goo's teacher was going to be.

and as the teachers spoke, my stomach turned upside down.  and buz left the room to take a call.  and while he was out, he texted.  "she got mrs. b."

i felt myself starting to cry.

bigH had mrs. b.  and she is the teacher we were SO HOPING goo would have.

and so when parent orientation was over, buz went home to relieve the sitter (nana), and i went to see if i could find mrs. b.  and i did.  and i hugged her.  and i may have cried.

tomorrow i will walk bigH AND goo to the same school.  and i will walk goo into the same classroom where bigH was.  and where bigH learned big life lessons.  and where he was loved on by mrs. b.  and goo gets to be loved on just as much, if not more.  surprisingly, i'm not nervous or scared.  but confident in where the Lord has our little family.  at our little school.

dear goo,

first of all, i could NOT love you more.  couldn't.  right now, it's sunday night.  on the eve of you heading off to kindergarten.  daddy and i just took you and bigH to your school in your jammies and prayed outside each of your classrooms.  and i got a lump in my throat when we were outside your classroom.  you had meet the teacher friday morning, and when we got in the car, you were teary.  i was so nervous.  when i asked you what was wrong, you said, "mom, everything i've dreamed about my whole life is finally coming true.  i finally have mrs. b.  and i finally get to go to school with bigH."  oh, how my heart swelled.  you are an amazing little girl.  you are our little missionary.  loving on others who sometimes don't get loved on as much.  i pray tonight that you would instantly find confidence within your heart to walk into that classroom with pride.  that you are awesome.  i pray for your time at lunch.  that you wouldn't sit by yourself.  i pray that the moment you first open your locker is as awesome as it has been in your head.  i pray that mrs. b secretly loves on you throughout the day.  that mrs. n (who you also know) will wink at you every so often tomorrow, just to let you know she's looking out for you.  i pray that recess is awesome.  i pray that you would find at least one friend.  a boy or a girl.  a friend who makes good decisions.  who is kind.  who isn't ugly to others.  i pray that other kiddos will see in you the beauty within that i do.  that daddy does.  that bigH does.  that your little sister does.  i pray that you would see bigH at least once during the day tomorrow, and that he would give you a look  and say something encouraging to you.  and maybe even hug you.  :) you are going to ROCK IT tomorrow.  i cannot wait to hear about your day.  and i cannot wait to see your face the moment you get to walk out that door at 245 tomorrow.  beware: i might be crying.

i love you with every ounce of my being and could not be prouder of you.

love, mom

Monday, April 30, 2012


i've wanted to write this post for a while.  a very long while.

here's the thing.  i have SO MUCH to thankful for.  and i feel like God's really been teaching me lately to notice everything i have in my life and what i love about it.  especially in the midst of the times when i really want to throw myself a pity party.

wait, what?  you don't throw yourself pity parties?  buz says my pity parties are so awesome that they deserve hats and snacks.  that buz...he's a funny one.

so.  for MONTHS i've been wanting to dump out everything swirling around in my brain.  and just get out (somewhere) all the incredible blessings in my life.  and so...voila.

this will be long.  really, really long.  this will be FULL of pictures.  this will have no sense of order.  this will be shallow.  this will be deep.  but.  it will make me feel good.  (and i will be able to print it out.)

i've noticed lately that while i'm not thankful for the experiences, i'm thankful for what i learn in the midst.

and so, i'm thankful for... kids.  puh-lease.  let's just look at them.  i can't believe they are mine.

...for the fact that H&G are happy together in this picture.  we're in a rough patch right now with those two.  but praying through this season.

...for the fact that E smiles with her nose scrunched up.  i could EAT her.

...for the happiness of this one.

...for the drama of this one.

...that my girls will know what kind of guy to look for when they're ready to get married. he loves those two girls with everything that he has.  lucky them.

...that E has an older brother who takes his role as big brother VERY SERIOUSLY.

...for her happiness.  and bluebonnets.  for the record, i do NOT like taking bluebonnet pictures.  i know.  who AM i?

...that christmas was so fun this year.  and that my kids have perfected the art of the fake smile.

...that we all looked happy for our new years card.

...for bigH's "alien tooth."  do you see it?  the extra tooth that grew in the roof of his mouth?  i know.  it's gross.  really nasty.  but it provided material for a lot of conversations.  and got him a "cool" card with his friends.

...that goo is not scared to lose teeth.

...that all three of my kids fit in the sandbox.  barely.  but they *do* fit together.  be still my heart.

...that bigH worships the ground E walks on.

...that bigH isn't scared of the dentist.

...that neither is goo.

...that my kids' dentist is pretty much a rockstar.  (and went to undergrad with me.  crazy.)

...that goo lost her first tooth AT the dentist.  and her brother pulled it for her.

...that i laughed until i almost vomited at how hilarious my kids were on halloween.

...for bigH's teacher.  i love her.  a lot.  and kind of want to be her friend.  outside of school.

...that bigH's friends loved celebrating with him for his birthday.

...that my parents love my kids.  (and that i should probably take pictures in the shade more often.)

...for my parents.  PERIOD.  they are the most generous people i know.  they love my children as if they were their own.  they WANT to do things with us.  they WANT to have h&g over.  (e doesn't sleep over yet because she's too big for a pack and play but not big enough for a big girl bed.)  my mom likes spending time with just me.  my dad likes spending time with just me.  if we need them or want them for babysitting, they jump at the chance.  love my parents.

...that E has a great guilty face.


...that sometimes she isn't thrilled with our ideas of fun.

...that this picture reflects how our family feels about the youngest kid.

...that buz and i make some cute kids.

...that buz still makes me giddy after almost 11 years.

...for my friend meegs.  i met her in 1995 working at a summer kamp. and we have stayed friends.  and she is by far one of the most generous people i know.  and my kids know her.  even though they've never met her.  (that will change this summer.)  she encourages me.  and lets me tell her about my everyday life. and doesn't appear bored.

...for an experience recently that changed my life.  meegs (see above) GENEROUSLY gave buz and me tickets to the steven curtis chapman concert several weeks ago.  and i can say that it changed my life.  buz and i sat together, alone, listening to music that we grew up loving.  and to hear scc talk about the challenges in his life was heartbreaking and heartwarming.  and Christ did something in my heart and in buz's.  it was incredible.  thanks, meegs.

...that bigH learned to swing last year.

...that buz pursues his daughter something fierce.

...that E loved the state fair this year.

...that i loved it with her.

...actually that all of us did.

...and i do mean all of us.

...that goo found something new that she is addicted to.


...i love her.

...that i giggle every time i look at these pictures.

...that bigH is very serious sometimes.

...that goo lets me play cards with her.

...that goo is an artist.

...for our movie night on friday nights.  that we put edith down and have chipotle with sleeping bags and popcorn and a movie.  and the four of us are together, having family time.  and i wouldn't change it for anything.

...that E loves to be outside.

...that it's SUPER EASY to pack goo's lunch.

...for buz.  y'all.  i hate to brag (not really).  but i have THE BEST HUSBAND in all the land.  i love that he brings me a dr pepper home ANY TIME he is out.  that he helps with dinner.  that he coaches bigH's basketball team.  that he loves his daughters with reckless abandon.  that he still pursues me.  that he's hot.  (sorry...i know that's shallow.  but have you SEEN him?)  that he bathes all of our children at night.

...for internet friends who turned into real life friends.

...for the texas state fair.  is it dorky that i've mentioned this several times?  yes?

...for my neighbor/friend/mom of bigH's friend.  she is always willing to do anything for me/us.  not to mention, she is such a fun friend to hang out with.

...SO THANKFUL for my brother's kids who LOVE my kids.  and for goo's fake smile.  that she's constantly perfecting.

...that this is the view goo has of me sometimes.

...for the fact that the Lord truly listens to me and answers prayers.  i have prayed all year about my relationship with goo.  i have prayed specifically that He would help me truly DELIGHT in her.  and oh my word, has He ever.

...that i finally got to have the "dude, please don't give your sisters rabbit ears" talk.

...for crazy comfortable shoes.

...for awesome sights.

...that bigH lets me play hero factory and legos with him.

...for goo's teacher this year (who doesn't have grey hair but was paula deen for halloween - love her).  this woman deserves her own post.  who knows?  maybe i'll post again within the next six months.

...for goo's teacher.  (see?  i told you i needed to write more about her.)  she has changed goo's life this year.  i've told her this many times, but i don't think she has any idea about the impact she's had on my sweet 5yo.

...for goo's soccer coach.  who loved goo and was so incredibly loved back.

...for movie night.  and snuggies.

...for birthdays at our house.

...for crazy talented friends who make cakes for boys who turn 8.

...for headlamps.  and the cool pictures they make.

...for following in my dad's footsteps and giving *my* daughter princess leia hair in the bathtub.

...for goo's school this year.  this has been a GOLDEN year for goo.

...for dear, dear jesus-loving friends who come to visit and head to breakfast with you and your baby.

...for firefighters who like our thanksgiving cookies.

...for pediatric hospitals who love coloring books and crayons on thanksgiving.

...for cool things to look at when you leave the pediatric hospital.  and for still having fun even though you're 36.

...for more firefighters who show you around the firehouse on thanksgiving.  because they're awesome.

...for cool lights on local buildings.

...when my daughter lit up when i tied on a scarf for her.

...that goo lets me play "princess polly pockets go out on the town" with her.

...for capturing moments during the day that make my heart EXPLODE.

...for cold morning walks to brother's school.

...for five-year-olds who love the apple store.  and like to rock out.

...for babies who fall asleep after their baths.

...for boy movies that only boys like.

...for red starbucks cups and what comes inside them.

...for december 20, the anniversary of when buz and i got engaged.  and the tradition of getting starbucks and looking at christmas lights.  and having my kids enjoy the tradition just as much.

...for E's love of on the border chips.


...for medicine.  for breathing treatments that make your lungs feel like a new car.

...for moments alone with my middle one.  and for the generosity of friends who give us their tickets to museums.

...for e's facial expressions.  and for my mom who saved my whole tshirts.

...for friends who introduced you to sushi years ago.

...for times when i look at my camera roll and find these treasures in it.

...for the moment when i get to lay next to buz at night.

...for the fact that i threw caution to the wind and let my kids splash in the rain.  it wasn't easy, but just LOOK at their faces.  totally worth it.

...for the way she looks in, well, pretty much anything.

...for cold mornings with my little man.

...for the keurig that my inlaws gave buz (and me) for christmas.

...for happy sisters.

...for the moment that goo takes a picture of me and tells me i look like a movie star.  price. less.

...for fifty's day at goo's school.

...for my bike and trailer.

...for friends who we've known since they were born.

...for goo's sense of style and fashion.

...for nana's convertible that she lets us take to sonic sometimes.  and for goo's perfection of the fake smile.

...again for internet friends who become real friends.

...that e sleeps.  she's our not-so-good sleeper.  so this sight?  makes us happy.  all of us.

...when i get to celebrate bigH's citizen of the month celebration at school.

...when goo smiles genuinely.  good Lord, she's beautiful.

...for my sense of humor.  who goes to a basketball game with their kids and plays words with friends? this guy, apparently.  i laughed about this for days.

...for the day that bigH made his first purchase with his OWN money.

...thankful for the look on bigH's face when he saw that E was "reading" spiderman.

...for the green scarf given to me by a very dear friend for no reason at all.  the green scarf that i get compliments on every. single. time. i wear it.

...for girl nights at chickfila.

...for the ability to put my feet up when i TOTALLY WIPED OUT AND SKINNED THE CRUD OUT OF MY KNEE.

...the way my daughter looks when she sleeps.

...that sometimes goo wants to cook us all dinner.  thankfully, we'll never go hungry.

...that it doesn't freak bigH out when he loses two teeth in ONE DAY.

...for the chance to still be cheesy and corny with buz.

...for heart shaped muffin pans at the dollar spot at target.

...for the fact that, for me, humidity is not the end of the world.

...that sometimes i can get away with a hat, braids, and sunglasses.

...for my youngest daughter's creativity.  even though this may have caused me to lose my marbles.

...for the night when they wanted to be in the picture together at the movie.

...that my children sleep peacefully most nights.


...for jimmy johns.  yep, i sure am.

...for goo's first lost tooth.  even though her permanent one was already ready in.  and her crusty nose.  i'm thankful for her crusty nose.

...for their silliness.

...for the chance to get to use my love language on my kiddos.

...for my health.

...for bathtub letters.  they make it fun to get in the shower in the morning.

...for our "new" soccer goal.  that was a generous gift from a friend.  and for goo's imagination.  sometimes she just needs to be alone.

...for my son's strong desire to protect his youngest sister.

...for buz's sense of humor.  but also his amazing way of encouraging me in a way that i need.

...for the chance to go to the steven curtis chapman concert.  meegs, you are a generous friend.  you love us fully and love us well.  this concert changed our lives.  and we are grateful to you for giving us that opportunity.

...for doctors.  yep.  thankful for them.

...for goo's "no care in the world" attitude.

...for snuggles when my big kids are sick or tired.

...yep.  thankful for doctors.  notice the trend?

...for the chance to snuggle my "baby" when she's sick.  and for piggy.  her lovie.  she LOVES piggy, or "bigby."  she is one lucky and loved stuffed pig.

...for days when it's 46 and rainy.  hello, open windows and nap.

...for babies who fall asleep on you.

...for the chance to watch my youngest want to be with my oldest, regardless of what he's doing.

...for rain.

...for fun in the rain.

...for everyone to have fun in the rain.


...for late night errands with the eight year old.  in his dinosaur jammie top and star wars bottoms.

...that we got to start our spring break at dunkin donuts.

...for goo's spring break checklist.

...for the legend of goo's spring break checklist.

...for God answering my prayer of giving me a delight in and for goo.

...that bigH lets me play ninjago.

...that bigH has inherited buz's love of being early.  i love watching bigH wait for his friends.

...that bigH and goo and i got to have an overnight excursion during spring break.  just us three.

...that we ordered room service after going swimming.

...that they fell asleep within six seconds of the lights going off.

...for the chance to have "one on one" time with my big kids for a 24-hour period.

...that i know how to fly a kite.

...for goo's imagination.

...for early morning board games before baby wakes up. watch her sleep.

...that e does something different than her siblings.  she put all of her blankets and pillow behind her crib when her sleep is over.

...that after tooth #2, goo still isn't scared of teeth coming out.

...that this is what the sky looked like on my best friend's birthday.

...that the little girl is ADORED by the big girl.

...that i had one last time of playing tooth fairy to bigH.  sad that it ended poorly.  but that's a story for just us to know.  parenting is tough.  we are sinful.  they are sinful.

...that e is wanting to have her picture made.

...that doing things as a family is fun.  really fun.  oh.  and that my husband?  is HOT.

...that bigH's best friend loves my kid to pieces.

...that i have a blast hanging out with my daughter.

...that my kid and his best friend ran more than 26 miles over the course of the school year.

...that goo plays dress up with me.  even though my circulation gets cut off sometimes.  price to pay.

...that steak and shake is free on sundays.

...that my kids have a father who is passionate about each one of them.

...for monday mornings when goo doesn't have school.  i love our girls only days.  i will definitely be sad when that changes next year.

...that it's fun to play on the iphone.

...that sister has so much fun sometimes that she wears herself out.

...for e's toes.  i could eat these things every day.  delicious.

...for bigH's sense of adventure and lack of fear in a lot of situations.

...for goo's fashion and flair.  and the fact that she doesn't care about what anyone might say.

...that goo has a daddy who plays salon with her and gives her a real live foot scrub.

...for the mommy knowledge of when to know when naptime is.

...for the way little people look in clothes.

...for goo. period.

...for barbie movies.

...for daddy chests to rest upon.

...for e's eyelashes.

...for buz's homemade potato soup when i'm sick. yum-o.

...for when your body tells you it doesn't feel right.  and you nap.  when you're eight.

...for when goo sets out the remotes that e can play with and then the remotes that everyone else can use.

...that bigH doesn't mind CONSTANTLY losing teeth at fast food restaurants.

...for rest when your body needs it.

...for the night and day difference after 15 hours of sleep.

...that some people feel confident doing puzzles nude.

...for the way a booger just MAKES a picture.

...for the chills down my spine when my daughter tries on my wedding veil.

...for beautiful days at the park.

...for my daughter's 100 on her first spelling test that she was sobbing away the morning of.

and...that's about it.  if i didn't mention you on here, it's nothing personal.  i promise.  this is just what's on my mind right now.  

God is good.  He loves me so much that i can't wrap my brain around his passionate feelings about me.  thanks for sticking with me.