a sort of mommy journal, if you will

(potentially boring post. probably more for kelly who lives far away, bff who is in another country right now, and the grandparents who love to hear the mundane details of parenting little ones.)


buz has the night off. meaning, he gets to do anything he wants tonight. see any movie he wants. go to gamestop and stay as long as he wants. tip as much as he wants at hooters or twin peaks. wait...no. that wasn't part of the deal. in fact, that will never be part of any deal. scratch that.


i put both kiddos to bed. only after a 5:30 grocery trip to target. having big h along was a beautiful experience. and contrary to what the tone of my post might suggest, there is no sarcasm. it really was fun. he is at a really fun age, where he is so observant. and wow...he makes comments about everything. and his comments are clearly spin offs of things that i have said before.


"yook mama. there is cimmonun roes. they are so soft and chewy. these are good for beck-pest. and boy, they really goes good with coppee, huh? i don't yike coppee. it's yucky."


"mama, baby YOVES these hot dogs (referring to the little gerber meat sticks that smell so disgusting, but the goo loves them). i will get yots por her, ok?"


"mama, i think we should go yook just a yittle bit at the toys. now, we won't go buy any, but we sure can yook a yittle bit, ok?"


"now, don't porget baby's diapers. you know...she's a baby, and diapers keep poop and pee on her bottom and not her cyose (clothes)."


seriously, i have to say i thoroughly enjoyed our trip through target. no fits. no crying. no whining. just pure enjoyment. about everything.


and they officially bathe together. i got the goo a bath seat at a consignment sale yesterday, so buz tried it out last night. and i gave it another shot tonight. she absolutely LOVES being his sister. she just sits there and soaks him in (no pun intended). and to hear him talk to her, he wants so much to be her mommy.


"baby, it's not good to sip on that water. if you want water, you need to ask mommy, and she will get you bubble water in a cup with a yid from the kishen. baby, you want to play with this ducky? baby, you need another toy? baby, you have to cyose your mouth when mama washes your hair or you will choke yots. when water goes in your mouth, you choke yots. you don't need ear pyugs. only special big boys like me need ear pyugs. baby what cuh-yer jammies you going to weared tonight? i will wear stripey. i love stripey jammies. they are my favorite ever. you have favorite jammies. baby, what was the best part of your day? mine was when mommy pixed us beck-pest." and she just stares at him and cackles.


i'm telling you, when we have things planned for the day, the day goes by so smooth. i knew i was going to give buz the night off sometime during the day. we had plans to hang out with aunt biscuit (my friend bitsy) and her son andrew, aka "anzoo." we went to pump it up for a little open play. basically, there are 2 rooms with inflatable play "things," for lack of a better term. big h had so much fun. but for some reason, there was one "thing" that he didn't want to do by himself. it was a "ladder" that you walk up and then you go down a very, very big slide. he kept saying he didn't want to go by himself. and andrew wasn't going to cut it. i kept using the excuse that i had to hold the goo. but then, my lovely and oh-so-devoted friend piped up and said, "oh i'll hold the goo. you go slide with big h." nice. ok. i'm one of those moms who can do things with my kid so that he won't be scared. i swing on the swing sets with him. i play at the playground with him. i could do this. so biscuit watches big h and me head up the "ladder" and get ready to come down the slide. let me think for a minute about how to adequately describe the scene. without sounding like i have a poor self esteem, just picture a cow or horse or other farm animal coming down a 30-foot slide. get the picture? oh, and the best part? big h LOVED it and responded with "YET'S DO IT AGAIN, MAMA!!!!" all the while, aunt biscuit laughing her hiney off. big h is very comfortable with biscuit, so i asked big h in my most excited voice ever, "HEY BIG H! WANT AUNT BISCUIT TO GO DOWN WITH YOU TOO?" he was elated at the thought. ahhh...sweet revenge. who was laughing now?


let's just say biscuit and i bonded today like never before.


tonight, as i sit and write, i listen to big h tell stories and "read" books. the funniest and most amazing thing is that we bathe him, read him stories, and talk to jesus. then, we tuck him in and close the door. a couple of months ago, he got out of bed, turned on his light, and started playing with his trains. at first, buz and i thought through this about whether or not to discipline him. we toyed with the idea, but it was a day that he had taken a really long nap. very unusual for him. after about thirty minutes, he had turned off his light and gotten into bed and gone to sleep. and now, every night, we do our routine, but we don't turn off the light. he plays with his trains and reads books on the floor. and after about twenty to thirty minutes, he turns off his light and gets under the covers and goes to sleep. i love this little man. love him.


and don't quote me or hold me to this, but i think we start "camp underwear" tomorrow. several different times today, he's talked about underwear and potties and pooping in the potty and getting treats. we tried before, but we had too many accidents. i was going to start a week from yesterday, but i think i can get my game on and start tomorrow. (oh, and i just informed buz of this. seeing as how he doesn't have to work and all.)


speaking of buz, don't even get me started. i called him at 11 to see where he was because that's just late for him. i emailed his blackberry and asked him to email, text, or call me and let me know he was ok. thinking he would text me from the movie he was seeing or from the sports bar where he was watching espn. when i didn't hear from him, i bit the annoying wife bullet and called his cell. and he answered. from. his. office.


buz is in trouble. period.


i'm pretty sure i don't have anything else to ramble on about.


except, here are my father-in-law's birthday presents.


first of all, weentrab, don't be mad. i promise i'm not a traitor. i just couldn't get in to see you because you have been ultra booked. but don't think i'm letting you off the hook for the goo's one-year pictures. (fyi: my father-in-law is german.)





and to those who are reading this late at night and can't put two and two together, my father-in-law is also a yale alumni. and could eat up his grandkids.

seriously, people. the rain. it's gotta stop. now, i am a BIG fan of thunderstorms and laying under a blanket "napping" while i hear the sounds of the raindrops outside.

but enough is enough.

we were all set this morning to head out to a berry patch and go pick berries with some friends of ours. (weentrab, franklin, and totally rad. no, i don't call her totally rad to her face.) never mind that big h doesn't like berries. beside the point. it rained all night long. could present a berry-picking problem. but i am fearless and i am optimistic. bring on some muddy patches and let me pick to my heart's content. until we saw the red and purple on the Doppler radar. not a good sign.

so, someone made an executive decision to go to a nature preserve/playground with all kids involved and then head somewhere for lunch. it was good to not let the little man down. we all drank our starbucks and joyfully watched the little ones play and swing and just generally enjoy themselves. then, we decided to take a "walk." hmmm...how does one express just how high the humidity was? you know i am not a fan of hot weather (understatement). but hot and humid? let's just say that it was lucky i was with good friends. this walk. well, it was longer than we thought. not because any of us was out of shape. but did i mention that we had three 4-year-olds, one 3-year-old, three 2-year-olds, and the goo? and no forms of toddler transportation. so everyone was carried or had to walk. every. last. one. sorry...did i mention the humidity? two of the weentrabs got blisters. big h whined and cried about something. honestly, i can't remember what it was about, but the whining and crying doesn't surprise me anymore. still gets on my nerves, but it never surprises me. oh! i remember. one of the 4-year-olds brought a lightning mcqueen car. the nerve. just kidding. big h just needs something to focus on being sad about. and this car was it. once the nature walk was complete, we thought nothing sounded better than some burgers. and whoever made that decision was the smartest of the bunch. and there was a little game room in the back. so all of the kids (except the goo, of course) finished their lunch and played by themselves. goo had some milk and some finger foods and just cooed at and looked cute to everyone. easiest baby around. she looks a little less cute these days due to the multiple massive head traumas. but i think she's going to be fine.

all home for naps. or so we thought. goo took a little one. and big took a littler one, only to wake in a foul mood. and to the rain. seriously. the rain. so he and dad cleaned out the garage (HALLELUJAH, SWEET JESUS! thank you, thank you, thank you BUZ), and the goo and i sorted through clothes to take to the consignment store. poor goo. all of the sudden, and i mean all of the sudden, she has outgrown all of her current clothes. the day just drug on and on. because of the rain. but we headed out for dinner, and that lifted EVERYONE'S spirit. much needed break. and BOTH kids were in bed by SEVEN O'CLOCK. the goo was in bed by 6:30.

and so now buz and i are settling in for a nice night at home with a little snack and a movie. i will save my pure excitement regarding the snack for another post. please don't think i've deserted my one true love. i just have a little sentimental attachment to this little 12 oz. can of sweet goodness.

oh metroplex, how you have failed us

not really. but we really, really like denver. we are not moving or anything. we just really like denver.

so our vacation. buz and i went on vacation. actually are on vacation. to take my shower this morning, i must stop sweating from my hotel workout room work out. ahhh...joys of a life without children. so i am sitting here without buz. because he is at his conference. because that is the whole reason we are on vacation, you know. the conference.

i don't have pictures because i didn't bring any cords. i did that on purpose. because i would have seen "fan brad" (will explain at a later time) had i worked on pictures and blogging and other things other than him. because, you know, we are on vacation and all.

we began said vacation by me purchasing some "hip" sunglasses. bless my heart. people, i am not hip. and you know what? i am ok with it. i have come to terms with my out-of-style-ness. but i thought, "i'm without children. i'm going to see if i can pull it off."

i can't.

they looked a little something like this. they weren't these, but they looked very similar. seriously, poor me. those of you who know me know that i can't pull these off. but i tried. and because i purchased them, i felt compelled to wear them. don't be fooled. i looked like i was wearing flight goggles rather than hip sunglasses. but nonetheless, they kept the sun out of my eyes.

---break in post---have to go. have to meet buz and get ready to head home. will finish once i am back to reality.

back to reality. tough but good. i should have written how much i missed my kids while i was actually on vacation. things are just as we left them. a 3 1/2-year-old with a lot of opinions. :) and a go-with-the-flow little peanut.

so many thoughts running through my head. which is why i can't come up with even one clear thought.

so recap of the kids: camp nana was great. big h did great at swimming but would really prefer to only swim with courtney, his swimming instructor. he has asked me several times since i have been back if courtney can come over and swim. two things that make that difficult to answer. 1) we don't have a pool. i mean, we have a red turtle sandbox that we converted into a mosquito-infested pool. but really, no pool. and 2) i think courtney is about 24 (or younger) and has a job. so the chances of courtney actually coming over to swim are highly unlikely. not sure how to break that to big h. goo did fine. goo is pulling up to EVERYTHING and falling a LOT! (her forehead is home to her battle wounds.) nana got out of the house everyday. impressive. fed them everyday. impressive. put them to bed. impressive. used both car seats correctly. impressive. worked the DVR. cardiac arrest for us. seriously, folks, and i don't mock nana by saying this. the fact that she could turn on a DVRd backyardigans (a specifically requested episode even) at a moment's notice is nothing short of a miracle. and she was/is quite tickled with herself. hats off to you, nana. and by the end of the week, big h was telling her he would miss her while he was swimming. and probably one of the highlights was when she got to go to parents' day at the last day of swimming. she and the goo go to go watch big h jump off the side of the pool. into the water. under the water. this is big. and he got a swim school t-shirt and a lollipop. life doesn't get much better than that.

recap for buz and me: well, i got to do a lot of things by myself. i walked into the downtown denver walgreens so many times. just because i could. walk in by myself, that is. i went to an outlet mall. and sad to report, i did not buy a handbag. i felt sure i would fall in love with one at factory store prices. but no such luck. we got to see a lot of downtown denver. we got to go to a swanky young part of town and have dinner and see a movie at a really fun theater. we were the only ones in the theater. so much fun. reminded us of when we used to see movies together. you know, in the theater. we live on the edge like that. (oh, and let me know if you want me to tell you to see it or not.) i got to have lunch with a "friend" of mine from high school. actually, she was the head trainer at the high school when i was a student athletic trainer. so technically, she was kind of one of my teachers. but now, that i'm out of high school and have two kids and all, we're more like friends. good times. and then, buz and i went drove out to evergreen. this was just what we needed. some handholding around a beautiful lake in the middle of the mountains. and only to be topped off with a nice cold long neck at a restaurant on the river. oh wait. the long neck was buz's. i didn't have one BECAUSE I WAS CARDED! hallelujah i was carded! my license was in the car on the other side of the lake, so i sure wasn't going to go get it. and really, i was so excited about being carded that i just sipped on my ice water with glee. we headed back and ordered room service and got a pay-per-view movie. is it obvious that we don't get out much?

the one downer of the trip. i got a cold. and if you asked buz, i'm sure he would tell you that i was a sheer delight to be around.

and the other thing i noted was that we will probably not ever apply to be on the amazing race. period.

but all in all, it was so much fun to be with buz. just buz. and wake up late, or just later than normal. with not a care in the world, other than which restaurant to eat at or at which starbucks we wanted to get our lattes.

i thought this sign was hilarious. you'll notice if you look closely that the sign says, "keep gate closed." but there is no fence with the gate.

my sweet buz. i promise i didn't make him pose this way. we were just taking a break from our walk around the lake.

our restaurant on the river.

buz and me in front of the lake and some quaint shops. couldn't even begin to tell you what in the free world possessed me to get a ice cream cone and hold it in the picture.

uh oh

i am in love with another man....

the father of my children. my sweet buz, you are the most incredible father.

i will never forget the day we went to wal-mart to get the test. and the cashier said in the most eloquent of ways, "so...you think ya is?"

the most appropriate start to our journey, don't you think?

i took all the steps and we waited. and waited. and waited.

we prayed that the Lord would be with us throughout those 3 minutes and throughout what could potentially change our lives forever. if there were two lines.

and there were.

pretty much from that day on, you have proven yourself to be the best provider, husband, and daddy.

going through childbirth classes together. coming to showers with me. you coming to EVERY doctor's appointment with me. admiring my belly, even as it grew to sizes we never would've imagined. being there through all the scares with big h. letting me having Subway as my "last supper" before we were induced. standing right beside me during our two DAYS of labor, only to welcome big h via c-section. oh, i was so sad. we mourned the loss of the "normal" delivery that i had dreamed about. sticking with me as i did my best to nurse big h, only to realize that "we" would do that for his first year of life. being my best friend and confidant through all of big h's issues and worries. supporting me in every decision i made as a mommy. being "daddy" to someone who is very, very hard to please. that is one tall order, buz. holding your tongue with him when i have a tendency to well, you know, not hold mine. letting me mourn and mourning yourself when we found out little person #2 was not going to join our family. but bouncing back, as we always do, and praying for God's will for our little family. and He brought forth two more pink lines. and you showed me your cautious optimism, allowing me to be excited but also allowing me to be scared. encouraging me to take my fear and leave it at Christ's feet. constantly encouraging me as we parented big h while trying to be excited for the arrival of our next little person, gender to be determined at delivery. allowing me to purchase things that we probably didn't need. as always, being there every. step. of. the. way. and then, hearing the doc say, "well, hello sweetheart." oh His perfection. and to know that you were and are going to be wrapped around her sweet little possibly-pink-loving finger. oh dear. you are in for it.

you are the glue, my sweet buz. you are the one who holds us together. you are the one who sits at the feet of Jesus presenting your gratitude as well as asking Him for things in such manly confidence. i am positive, without being prideful, that the one place you are most comfortable is with us, your family.

and we love you for that. and appreciate you.

buz, thank you for loving me. but thank you, especially today, for loving our little munchkins. for being the kind of daddy other kids can only hope for and dream about.

we are wild about you.


pregnant with big h (at the OU/texas game and 2 weeks before big h was born)


"birthing shoes" (buz wanted something all his own. since i *got* to get maternity clothes, and all. and he picked these. God bless him.)


va va va voom (with big H)


our little family as of october 2003


birthing shoes, second time around.


as always. buz leading us to the Father, in thanks and to make a request for safe delivery for the goo


seriously, buz, you couldn't be MORE ATTRACTIVE! grrr...


buz thanking Jesus that we have a girl


buz introducing big h to his new baby sister


big h's best friend


the goo's best friend

it ain't pretty, folks

(prepare for some raw vulnerability)

today i was that mom.

that mom who woke up bitter that i was having to wake up. at 6:15. (i realize some of your children wake up way earlier. cut me some slack, here.)

that mom who found herself frustrated that i had to change 2 diapers (gross ones) before 6:30. the frustration comes from the fact that my 3 1/2-year-old is still in pull ups (just expensive diapers) during the day and a diaper at night.

that mom who didn't shower this morning.

that mom who fixed eggos for breakfast. not because that's what everyone was craving. but because it was the easiest.

that mom who got frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter didn't eat much of said eggo that i went to so much trouble to fix her.

that mom who got frustrated again that her 10-month-old made a huge mess of the fruit i fixed her instead.

10. months. old.

that mom who rolled her eyes because her 3 1/2-year-old wanted to watch morning tv this morning. (never mind the fact that he gets to do this every morning.)

that mom who almost yelled at the 3 1/2-year-old because he continued to inform me that he was NOT EXCITED about going to a splash park with his friends.

that mom who proceeded to give him a lecture about how it's not ok to take fun away from others and that that was what he doing to me and his sister.

that mom who was frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter had another poop right before we were supposed to leave.

that mom who wasn't friendly to the moms of her 3 1/2-year-old's friends, even though we hang out regularly.

that mom who just checked her email and blogs while her 10-month-old napped and her 3 1/2-year-old watched rudolph. (we get our seasons a little out of whack around here.)

that mom who was frustrated with her 3 1/2-year-old because he cried the entire way to his swim lesson (day 3).

and that mom who took her children to wendy's for dinner in their swimsuits. (including mom's)

once they went to sleep, i breathed a sigh of relief.

today was one of those days. and today i was one of those moms. please tell me you can relate.

summertime is hard around here. it is hot. big h has tubes, so he has to wear ear plugs. let's just say he does NOT LIKE TO WEAR THOSE, MAMA! and don't be fooled into thinking that he only says it once. and the goo is mobile, so it's tough for her to just sit with her feet dangling in the water. she wants to move. she's spent 10 months immobile. it's high time to get off her hiney and conquer this world.

update on swim lessons:

they are at 3 pm. this is a tough time of the day. because he doesn't usually go down until 2-ish, if he takes a nap at all. so he hasn't had a nap either day. so we get in the car and head down to the house where they host it. monday we had to go to a house where we didn't know anyone. (mama mess up) they said he was "such a sweet little boy but somewhat reluctant." yesterday, we were at weentrab's house, and so i watched from inside. nightmare. i'm sure weentrab just felt sorry for me. because there her child goes with her little goggles, jumping off the edge. my child is that child. the child who has an instructor all to himself. and literally cried the entire 40 minutes. but still wanted ice cream afterwards. and actually wanted to go get some of his own goggles (which he refused to wear at the lesson). so we bought them in high hopes that things would turn around. when we went to the splash park today, he wore the goggles and informed everyone that he was a diver. he was so proud of himself.

but then.

then, it was time to head to swim lessons. and he informed me that "i do not want to go to any houses to swim today." and cried the entire way there.

fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), swim lessons were canceled today due to lightning. information that we received once he had already gotten out of the car and was being held by one of the instructors. we'll just make up on friday.

*big sigh*

today was just one of those days where i feel like i'm parenting eeyore. thank you, shannon, for coining this phrase. it now gets used on a daily basis around this house. sometimes buz and i wonder if there is a physiological part of his brain that makes him actually enjoy crying. i mean, i am frustrated just thinking about it right now.





we prayed 3 different times today to ask Jesus to make our hearts cleaner, to be nicer to our sister, and to have a better attitude.

and buz is not here tonight. he's actually at a sleep study tonight. the snoring had gotten pretty bad. poor buz. wait...poor me. :) so he made an appointment. ironically enough, ever since he made the appointment, his snoring has stopped. we'll see.

so tonight i am resting quietly in the palm of the hands of my Father. waiting patiently for Him to remind me that everything is fine. to remind me how much He loves me. to remind me that tomorrow is a new day.

i know, poor me, right?

(i mean, don't ya just want to jam to a little "walking on sunshine" right now on your ipod? i promise a more uplifting post next time.)

i'm a jetsetter, really

we just got back from our second summer *vacation* on friday. and it's only the second week of june. never mind that we are not going anywhere else the rest of the summer.

oh, and to get some much needed sympathy/attention/praise/admiration, let me just mention that this was the second vacation that it was big h, the goo, and me.

read that again.

i did NOT mention buz. hence, the reason i put an asterisk by the word vacation. because i'm not really sure it can be classified as a vacation when i travel 5 1/2-6 hours in the car by myself with 2 children under the age of 4 and spend 2 nights and 3 full days without my husband.

now, to all you gals out there with either husbands who travel regularly or have more than 2 children, i tip my hat to you. way to go. you have my respect. i'm just sayin' i am one tired mama.

this time, we traveled south to visit one of my best buddies, marino. no, that's not her real name.

marino and i met 12 years ago working at a summer kamp. we worked in the kitchen serving food and cleaning the kitchen after mealtimes. now, if you ever met marino, you would keel over laughing at the thought of this. let's just say marino is not quite the gal you would expect to carry a big bucket of slop (leftover food) to the trash room and dump it out, while wearing a beauty of a canvas apron. in 106 degree heat. with no makeup. just not that girl. not that i know who that girl is. but marino, she is not.

sometimes there would be a conversation going on and then joke telling would begin. you know how you get started with "one time, i was doing _____," and another person will say, "oh yeah, well i _______." and marino was that person who would finish, "oh well, one time i _______." and then you'd hear the sound of the broken record. and everyone would look at her. and she would look at me and say, "i took it too far, huh?" and that actually gave me more laughs than the original joke ever did.

somehow after knowing me for a month in the hottest time of the year, she decided she wanted to stay friends. insanity due to humidity, i guess. because let's remember, people. i am NOT A SUMMER PERSON. and i sweat like a junior on the high school football team during 2-a-days.

anyway.

somehow we have stayed friends. i moved here when she and her now husband were living here. they were my only friends when i first got here.

you think i'm kidding.

and i had no trouble being the awkward third wheel girl. because i needed friends, people.

somehow i started calling her husband chris, c-dawg. no idea why or when. but he answered to it, so we were cool. however, he and marino began calling me "big jan." not sure how that came about, but i'm cool with nicknames, you know. and so big jan stuck.

chris and marino were around when buz and i started "hanging out." chris was there for all the times i had ask really important questions. (these are typically questions my brother would answer, but because he lived in another state, i needed answers NOW.)

ok, chris, buz just fixed me dinner at his house last night and had rented one of my favorite movies and had cold dr. pepper in the refrigerator. does he like me?

ok, chris, buz just asked me to come have dinner with his mom, who is in town for the weekend. what outfit says, "hi. i really, really like your son and really, really want to date him?"

ok, chris, if he took me to a movie and paid, does that mean it was a real date?

ok, chris, what happens if he walks me up to my door after the (backstreet boys) concert? and what if it's awkward?

you know...the important stuff.

anyway, i LOVED chris and loved him for marino. they were/are perfect together. so perfect that i got to stand next to her in their wedding seven years ago next week.

and she stood next to me 11 months later.

suffice to say we're pretty good friends. such good friends, in fact, that she's only seen big h once, never met the goo, and had a 2-year-old daughter that i had never met.

sad.

so we decided to remedy that. we really tried to get together in april. you know, before SUMMER hit. but apparently, we are too busy. (i say we to make myself sound cool. we, our family, are not busy.)

we played, ate, slept, and did more eating, sleeping, and playing.

and ironically enough, for those of you in blogville (or whatever you call it), she just happens to have a sister. now i knew her sister, you know, because we were in the same wedding and all. but that was the extent of our little relationship.

so i was fortunate to get to introduce her to big h and the goo and i was able to finally meet caroline. (somehow i forgot my camera. only big mama holds the key to such a blackmailable piece of goodness.)

and in true big h fashion, we, meaning he, left in tears. nice.

don't think big h didn't like miss caroline. oh he did. it just happened to be that miss caroline had too many cool toys. all of which big h wanted to play with, at the exact same time caroline was playing with them. it is so rough being 3 1/2, you guys.

but they exchanged email addresses and promised to be lifelong pals. big mama, SUPER FUN hanging out with you.

the goo was her usual high maintenance self.

marino, i cannot tell you how much fun i had laughing, crying, and being mommies with you. your sweet SG is so lucky that you're her mama.

(don't you want to just eat her up?)

and big h is still talking about his friend "kiss" who called him jelly face/squared cracker head.

amazingly enough, we didn't leave marino's house in tears. but we weren't finished with our "friends from the past" tour of 2007.

we got to go see one of my best buddies from college. (the same "i was in her wedding, she was in my wedding" story.) she was going to be pretty busy the 3 days i was there. so we decided to see her and her 2 DAUGHTERS on the way out of town. these were the 3rd and 4th girls big h met in a 2-day time span. oh, and he met all of these girls on their turf, i mean house, i might add. so things went well until being there 5 minutes too long. and he decided to peg my friend's 19-month-old daughter in the head with a plastic doctor kit. attaboy, big h. he and i had a pretty stern discussion about his behavior (in private, of course), and he got an ever so loving, gentle pat on this hiney.

and we left in tears. again.

and mama just had to push the envelope, didn't she? i was so physically and emotionally tired from the 2 weeks of togetherness with my children that i knew that the only thing that would really make me feel better and all warm and fuzzy was a purse, of course. a really nice handbag.

so i stopped at a really great outlet about an hour outside of marino's house that had some really great handbag stores. never mind it was 154 degrees outside with a humidity level of 110 percent and both of my children were asleep in the backseat. nope, i had to get me a purse. so we stopped.

i couldn't do it. i went in 2 of the 3 stores and there were too many people to get (my double wide stroller) around. so i wasn't able to feel them all and "try them on" and the other important parts of the handbag purchase process. so i got my kids back in the car, realizing the goo was hungry. so i thought we would just run right in to a fast food restaurant and get some piping hot water for her bottle (she likes it like coffee, thanks to uncle bob and aunt emily). so because i'm smart, i brought the double stroller along for this trip.

at this particular restaurant, i had to stand in line for my hot water. i was ok with that. except that it took SIXTEEN minutes to get it ready for me. you think i'm exaggerating the sixteen minutes part. except, i'm not.

i finally feed her and get ready to use the restroom and change diapers.

except that my double wide stroller wouldn't fit through the bathroom door. ok. deep breath. oh, and did i mention that it was 154 degrees? so after a HUGE prayer, i asked this cute little engaged couple if they would watch the stroller (with the kids in it, mind you) while i used the restroom really quickly. and only by God's grace, both children were still there when i came back. thank you, Jesus. and thank you, cute engaged couple. i hope i'm there to repay the favor when you have a child.

fairly uneventful trip until we started creeping back into the metroplex. creeping. because i just had to stop and look at handbags, we arrived into the southern part of the metroplex at about 4:20 pm.

on a friday afternoon.

and we live in the northern part of the metroplex. let's just say it was 5:50 pm when we arrived in the driveway. i don't think i have ever seen big h so happy to see buz. the goo was even excited.

i hugged buz and kissed him. and grabbed my purse. i had to be alone.

ahhh...

in other news:

tomorrow, we start swim 2007. last year, out of the 10 straight week days that we were scheduled to "learn to swim," i believe big h got in the water 6 of them. and mostly sat on the side of the pool eating teddy grahams and squirting water out of someone's bath toy from home. oh, and it was 2 weeks before the goo was born. so i was a vision of loveliness in my motherhood maternity tankini. so we'll see how this goes. i forgot to mention -- he still has to wear his ear plugs this summer. that was one of the reasons he didn't get in the water last year. oh, dear Jesus. have mercy on me.

and....buz and i are going on a childless vacation next tuesday. to denver. anyone know anything fun to do in denver? buz is going to be at a conference during the day. i just know i am going to be so miserable with nothing to do. (insert giggling.)

that about wraps it up.

i'm here to report...

that i was able to go see my old stomping grounds. just. plain. weird.

my kids are incredible. they did a great job on the way there. it's about a 4 1/2-hour drive. but we stretched it to about 5 or so to get out and eat and walk around. but for future reference, i will bring *some* kind of stroller while my oldest in STILL IN DIAPERS because what to do with the goo while we changed big h's poop. so did not think about that before i packed ever so lightly. tough call. so i did what any white trash citizen would do. i put the goo in the mcdonalds high chair and just pretended it was a stroller, pushing our way into the bathroom. unsanitary, probably. necessary, definitely.

we got there, and who knew the goo could sleep so well in a pack and play? you go, girl.

tuesday was surreal, in a way. i went to a "play date" (i quote it because ever since i had children, for some reason i do not like the term) with 2 of my friends from elementary school and one of their friends from college. i was quite surprised at how easily big h warmed up to the new environment. but that's not to say the morning/afternoon was without issue. always an issue. but crazy to look around watching my kid play with the kids of 2 of my buddies from 5th and 6th grade. and to have us sit around like "old" ladies, talking about who saw so-and-so at the grocery store, and the latest snack to be had in a whole wheat wrap, and which preschool her kid goes to vs. why that girl homeschools and how much flack she gets about it. very mature, parental topics. big h did find that he had a love/hate relationship with the little 2-year-old girl. the only girl (besides the goo) there, i might add. they were either sharing and playing side by side. or well, the opposite. funny...kind of? but how dare i laugh at my highly emotional little boy? god love him.

tuesday night, i got us all psyched because my mom had arranged for the goo to have a sitter while i took big h out to a little kid amusement park. i was so excited. and being the AWESOME! mom i am, i got big h really excited too. yeah, we were really excited right up until we drove up to the park and saw the sign. seriously, this is the only way i can describe how both big h and i felt.


big h was devastated. it was horrible. horrible. so we went and got some ice cream and went to kmart and each bought a "toy." a backyardigans toy for big h and well, some summer shorts for big h for me. i am such a mom.

next morning was donuts at the same donut place i went on the morning of my wedding. yes, i had donuts on the morning of my wedding. and hamburgers for lunch that day, i might add. only my matron of honor/best friend would know that about me. donuts for nana, big h, mommy, and the goo. first donut experience for the goo. not sure she loves them yet. but big h could have easily polished off about 16 of the "breakfast hot dogs" (i.e. kolaches, pigs in a blanket, sausage rolls, whatever you call them in your neck of the woods). and then, it was back home to the metroplex. pretty uneventful trip. but a meaningful one.

and to tell you just how much buz loves me (as if you didn't already know), he let me go through all of my yearbooks and scrapbooks since 2nd grade. now, all you scrapbookers, don't get excited. there is no acid-free or lignin-free to these things. you're impressed that i even knew that, huh? (hint: i googled it so i would sound more impressive.) but fun, nonetheless. certificates of my perfect attendance in 1st grade. notes to my boyfriends from the mid-high and high school. i know...you're thinking, "wow, she must have had a LOT of boyfriends." quite the contrary. i would have loved to say i wasn't boy crazy. but i was. i tried to act like i wasn't. but i was. and then, my junior and senior year hit, and God sent His grace and mercy upon me and took all of that away and replaced it all with 2 great boyfriends. without making buz feel weird about any of it, let's just say that i had 2 amazing boyfriends who loved the Lord and respected me and set the bar. period.

hmmm...tough call. scan and post pictures from the early years? not sure. will think on that.

2 more issues, and then i promised buz we would actually eat dinner tonight. and then, because it's a saturday and we're all crazy, we may watch some dvr'd oprahs or what not to wears. i love my spouse.

my first issue deals with my recent hair trauma. so i have naturally curly hair. wasn't so curly my whole life but after i had big h, it got pretty consistently curly. i was excited because that gave me a possibility of less maintenance. it was good while it lasted. then, the goo came along. and 2 things happened. first, i got baby bangs. amanda, i am right there with you. but second, a strange curl/no curl phenomenon occurred. the hair on the top of my head went flat. not the bottom or underneath. just the top. nice. so i've been (s)tressed out about it lately. (did you enjoy that little play on words?) i made up my mind. i would go get a "body wave." not to be confused with a perm, mind you. so i went to someone i've never been to before. mistake #1. she started rolling with VERY! TINY! rollers, and i didn't say anything about it. mistake #2. well, the finished product. a 2007 version of me in 7th grade, complete with a coca-cola rugby shirt, 2 pairs of socks, and 2 swatch watches. and a really, really kinky perm. not only that, the front where bangs would be if i had them, was straight. ummm...hey perm lady, that's the whole reason i came to see you. so i washed it and washed it some more. really curly all over and straight right in front. nice. so finally i called the place i go to here for help with my hair trauma. and they said she did a bad job (right, i know) and that all they could do was give me a really good hair cut. and that they did. i think things are looking up. i have a great haircut that disguises my unfortunate experience.

my second issue is more of a question to you out there. i have always been well endowed. nursing did NOT help this *little* problem. actually, just made it worse. big h, the goo, and i ate lunch together the other day, and a mom and her 2 children walked in. they were old enough to be playing some kind of little video game-looking thing. both of them. a post in and of itself. another day. anyway, let's just say they must have had the a/c on, and she was the one to inform me. well, her shirt informed me. bottom line, mama did not have any undergarments beneath her shirt, and she must have been freezing but feeling so fancy free. and she was freezing the ENTIRE time we were there. the entire time. again, i have ALWAYS been well endowed, so i have NEVER entertained the idea of going without. but i mean, what is that like? do any of you go without in public? inform me. inquiring minds want to know...

i define cool

seriously, i do.

i am sitting at a starbucks at 10 in the morning, listening to some music (cool music, nonetheless), typing a post for my blog on "my" laptop, utilizing the WiFi, while sipping a nice warm caffeinated beverage.

i have no doubt people looking at me totally think i'm a college student in the middle of my minimester and plotting out my hip evening with my friends tonight. you know, my friends who wear low rise jeans and vintage t-shirts with palm trees or lacrosse strung heads on the front. and wearing flip flops, of course.

then, i wake from my little fairy tale.

since i was supposed to be in oklahoma with big h, the goo, and my parents spending time soaking up all of my childhood memories, buz had taken the day off to get work done. the work he can't do while the backyardigans are on or the 10-month-old is asleep with the mobile going. the work he can't do because the paint fumes would be too much for the youngsters. the work he can't do with the 3 1/2-year-old on the backpack. i was unaware that he was taking the day off. you know, because i wasn't supposed to be here anyway. buz knows how i love a good surprise. yes, i am one of those people that really does like to be surprised.

last night, we loaded our kids up on meds to hopefully ensure a solid night sleep for everyone. buz and i watched a movie together, and then he played his game and i went to sleep first.

i got to sleep before buz. (shhh...don't tell. buz has a snoring problem, and i sometimes fear nighttime. my dream is to get to sleep before he does, so i don't have trouble falling asleep. and it happened. i fell asleep first.)

the next thing i knew, it was SEVEN O'CLOCK in the morning. i went and got big h out of bed and buz wasn't in bed. nothing out of the ordinary. so big h and i laid in my bed together watching some dora before the sun got up. all the sudden...the door opened.

and my prince charming entered. with starbucks. however, only one starbucks.

was i allowed to be jealous or wonder where mine was?

until he handed me the keys to his car. he said that he had gone downtown to work to get his laptop and his morning gift to me was the keys to his car and his laptop. "go grab some coffee and have a good time online."

love language, people.

so after i changed diapers and put clothes on little people, i was given my ticket to freedom.

and this is when i began thinking of all the young, hip, cool people who will probably want me to go rock climbing or poetry reading with them. or go with them to the latest art exhibit. you know...young, hip, cool things.

poor me. in true janet fashion, things didn't turn out quite the way i had planned. i got to my local starbucks and ordered my fancy drink and some coffeecake. you know, the coffeecake that is LOADED with butter and other things that are so NOT good for you but taste so extremely delicious. i turned on the computer and typed in his password. and the computer froze. so i called to ask advice. we talked on the phone for a while until i realized it wasn't going to work.

i came back home, only to be greeted by 2 very cute munchkins who thought mommy was alreayd back home. buz called the helpdesk and we figured out hte problem.

and bull if i was going to go back to the same starbucks. luckily, i live in a big city with starbucks literally on every corner. so i headed the opposite direction and walked in with such confidence. i turned it on and started having WiFi issues with the hot spot. if you are my mom or dad and are reading that, i'll explain WiFi next time we talk. don't worry. i finally got it to work and i was feeling good.

yeah, so back to me being really hip. i had to come to the realization very quickly that i am, in fact, not hip. i know, i know...you can't believe it either.

first of all, i haven't showered this morning. and it's not that cool "i havne't showered because i have my 8 o'clock class this morning but i look cool because i have on my boyfriend's SAE baseball hat and my function t-shirt from a couple of weekends ago" look. it's the "i haven't showered because my toddler and infant have had mouth sores and have been on pain relievers, and we have lived at the pediatrician's office" look. i don't have cool low-rise jeans and flip flops and some college t-shirt on. i have on the yoga pants, my shoes (which i'm not sure if i should have bought in the first place), and an old t-shirt from a kamp friend. my hair is still sticky from spit out tylenol and mashed green beans.

i also realized my lack of hipness the other day when i went to the mall. apparently, "peep toed" shoes are in. weren't those in back when my mom was pregnant? i mena, they say fashion always comes full circle. but when did i miss the re-entrance of this fad? and gold? it's coming back in? (stop laughing.) and the big wedges and espadrille platforms that will most likely send me back to the neighborhood ER. and shorts that left me with no imagination for what kind of underwear the girls were wearing. and there i was with my double stroller, sounding very old and unhip. and wearing my daily uniform of white t-shirt, khakis, and tennis shoes. safety. that's always been my fashion motto.

as for my ipod, i am not listening to blake lewis or maroon 5 or any other band that i am not even familiar with. and i'm not looking at itunes.com looking for the latest band or solo artist to download. i am listening to "it's about love" by one of the judds, which is the ending song of the veggie tales "lord of the beans." and i am looking on itunes.com at the 2 backyardigans CDs trying to decide which one has the most songs big h would recognize.

i am not making a list of all the clubs and college football games i want to go to in the next couple of months. i am making a list of things to do the next couple of days. one of which includes returning some very fun shoes to DSW because really, i need to get the goo some summer clothes that will fit her growing little 10-month figure.

i am not making a list in my spiral notebook of all the characteristics i want my next boyfriend to have. i am writing in my journal (that i keep in my diaper bag) and making a list of all the things i love about buz. a couple of those things:

• him giving up his morning/afternoon off so i can go sit at starbucks and look hip, young, and cool.
• he watches DVRd oprahs with me (sometimes -- don't let the word get out because he will deny it the first chance he gets).
• he changes clothes the minute he walks in the door from work so he can get on the floor and play with both kiddos.
• he calls me the minute he gets into his car and is headed home from work.
• the way he puts pictures i have taken on his computer as the desktop so that he has an opportunity to tell people that "my wife takes pictures."
• i have never heard him raise his voice with big h (this one brings me to my knees).
• he compliments me on anything i ever cook (being that cooking is so rare around our house).
• he genuinely cares for other people, no matter who they are. i am amazed taht he has meetings during the day with the CEO, surgeons, secretaries from all over the hospital, social workers, patients and their families. and he gives each one of them his undivided attention every time.
• 90% of his communication with me is nonverbal.
• my mother is in LOVE with them. talk about scoring big points. he calls his mother-in-law on his way home from work sometimes just to say hello. yeah, he is that guy that makes your husband look bad. :)
• he calls his mother on his way home from work and ALWAYS tells her he loves her.
• he doesn't bother talking to me about my latest bag purchase. people, i have an addiction. diaper bags just made it worse. and he loves me for it.
• he is 37 years old and plays with legos, playstation, and nerdy "conquer the world" computer games.
• that he moves his mouth when he writes. and denies it.
• the way he knows me IN and OUT, quirks and all.
• and loves me anyway.
• his passion for his family. i can safely say that there is nowhere he'd rather be than with the 3 of us.
• his passion for Christ.

this is not, i repeat NOT, my own attempt at what he did a couple of weeks ago. trust me, i wouldn't even try.

anyway, see what i mean? i'm not a young, hip college student with dreams of becoming this or that. i am actually living my dream right now. and i'm getting ready to pack up my things and go back home. where my 3 dreams are.

can you take the sap? :)

one of my biggest motherhood accomplishments

...was accomplished by someone else.

won't go into detail re: the day today. because you're already cross-eyed from reading the one this morning.

but tonight was a HUGE breakthrough for big h and me.

i was so fed up with the medicine saga. he kept telling me that the only medicine he would take was "the pink one." but every time i would try to give it, he wouldn't budge, and it would be this horrible sight of limbs being restricted and pink sticky stuff splattered on mommy's face and t-shirt.

so i remembered we had bought some of these one time. i threw caution to the wind and prayed that the good Lord would have pity on my weary, sleep-deprived soul.

and He did.

buz was putting the goo down, so it was just big h and me. he was taking his bath, and i went and got the miracle drug. he wasn't budging. until i asked if he wanted mommy to have one with him. he is still SO hoarse, so he whispered an affirmative response.

so i did. and he did. and we heard heavenly laughter and there was much rejoicing. and he wanted more and more of the "fruit treats."

how do you tell your 3 1/2-year-old that he can't have more medicine?

your friendly wisner neighborhood pharmacy

to begin on a positive note, here is how i started my morning yesterday...

note: who's standing in her crib. (sorry, weentrab, i had to use the flash. you know...the goo's room is a deep, dark cave, too, just like big brother's.)

of note: big h's sock that mysteriously appeared in her chair on the left??

sadly enough, the day just slowly went down hill from there. thankfully, buz got the goo up and fed her, so that i could get up with big h and "feed" him his medicine.

let's talk for a minute about my oldest child. since before he was born, he has been a challenge. i was in labor for 2 days. yeah, i said DAYS. every time i would have a contraction, his heart rate would drop. twice it dropped into the "danger zone." the 2nd time, doc said, "out he comes." and he has cried ever since. not really. but close.

so to say that he doesn't take medicine so well would just be a poor excuse for an understatement.

i feel confident that i have secured him a spot in adult therapy due to the torture and trauma i put him through yesterday. scarred for life, people. him and me.

buz finally went to work around 8:30. maybe you don't realize what that statement means. my husband has always been gone before either child has ever gotten up in the morning. and that's not saying that i have late sleepers. i have one of those husbands who makes you sick by his morning energy. my son has inherited that morning energy. heaven help us. so i can only imagine what his co-workers had to say about his time of arrival yesterday morning.

since we were scheduled to leave yesterday late morning, i had scheduled doctor's appointments for both of them yesterday morning. i took big h knowing he had HFMD. i brought the goo along because, well we didn't know what else to do with her. plus, i hadn't canceled her appointment within 24 hours.

so he took one look at big h and told me that it was "just" a strand of HFMD, but that thankfully he hadn't developed any blisters or sores on his hands or feet, just his mouth. oh, that's a relief. (there's sarcasm in that sentence.) he went ahead and took a look at the goo. looked in the first ear and informed me that my daughter had an ear infection. nice. oh, and by the way, she put up quite a fight to let him look in her ears. i was impressed. you go, goo.of course, i'm sure she's starting to realize that you have to be REALLY! LOUD! to get attention around our house.

we saw a different pediatrician because ours was out for the day. now, we, meaning big h, LOVE our pediatrician. scratch that. let's just say we because i too love this man. he LOVES my kid and big h has never cried in his presence. in fact, last Christmas when we were picking items out for grandparents, cousins, etc., he asked what we were going to get for dr. g. we pray for him regularly. and one time at MDO, they had them color a picture of their family.

guess who was part of our family in that picture?

anyway, i was so nervous about this doc as we had never seen him before. and big h does NOT LIKE CHANGE.

we LOVED this guy. we meaning WE, except for the goo when he looked in her ears. big h really liked him. i liked him. and the goo liked him for the most part. he told us to continue alternating Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours. and to have him continue to drink what we around our house call MB (maalox benadryl blend). but he said to up the amount of the MB.

have i mentioned my child does NOT like to take medicine? well to serve as reminder, big h does NOT like medicine.

we stopped to get some chocolate milk because he told us to keep him hydrated. i was so impressed because that was also the advice of dr. big mama. we got him home, and i instantly began bribing him. he got some miniature mr. potato heads (bought off ebay about a year ago) after the first big dose of torture, i mean, medicine. we watched madagascar and laid on the couch while baby napped. thankfully, a gift came from grandma ever so timely. a very cool space helmet. thank you, grandma. so he got that after the second round of trauma.

oh, and i should mention, big h was speechless, totally mute, the entire day. those of you with 3- and 4-year-old boys with any amount of energy should understand the magnitude of this. mute, people. meaning, not talking a word the entire day. some of you may think that would be heaven. not around these parts. we went for SO LONG without big h speaking that we LOVE that he never stops. we love it. it was so insanely quiet around here yesterday. even the goo kept looking at him for entertainment. and he just couldn't provide.

finally, around 5, i had to get out of the house so we went on a walk. big h didn't speak, and the goo just munched on some yogurt cheerios. thank you, Jesus, for some time alone with you.

round 4 of torture came at bedtime. he had his bath and his jammies on and he was going to get to watch madagascar again before bedtime. that is huge. normally, he takes his bath and we read stories. but he was going to get to watch a show before going to sleep and "stay up late." so in order to do that, medicine would have to be taken. no problem.

i am scarred for life.

oh, and did i mention that my daughter? the goo? CRAWLED FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY!!!!! right, so she's only 10 months old. but she did it. and as with big h, she accomplishes milestones in the midst of something else so that i can't be nearly as excited as i want to be.

case in point, the doorbell rang (even though the sign on the door says, "shhh...baby sleeping. please knock.") and it was this kid, probably 15 or so, conducting a survey of families in my area. would it be ok if he came in and spent 15 minutes of my time with me? sure, if you want to leave with sores in your mouth. i explained to him ever so sweetly that my children were sick and that he would probably leave here sick. and as i am doing so, i am looking over only to see my daughter on both knees. something i have never seen before. he's just trying to talk to me, and i didn't know how he wasn't getting the message that this mama simply was. not. listening.

finally, i see the goo move one knee in front of the other 4 times. 4 times! and then...

big h pummeled her to the ground.

because, you see, she was getting too close to his train track, which, by the way, takes up 1/2 of our living room.

so she is crying, and i say in my oh-so-stern voice (i think buz is secretly turned by this stern mommy voice), "big h, go sit on the couch. please go SIT ON THE COUCH." he has never done timeout so well, but for some reason it worked yesterday. thank you, Jesus. of course, it made him start to cry. so i have 2 crying children. and the 15-year-old is still there.

"you know, i would rather you not come in. it's just a hard time for us right now."

"oh, that's ok. we can just conduct this on the porch then."

naive soul that hasn't had children yet. one day. one day.

so i said in the nicest way possible, "GET THE HE-- OUTTA HERE!" ok, no i didn't. i just politely said, "honestly, i don't want to be rude but it is not a good time. i have a lot going on here, and it's just not a good time."

"ok, well, would tomorrow be better?"

seriously? are you kidding me?

frankly, i shut the door on him. i know. i couldn't help it. had to be done.

so big h and i had a talk about mauling over his sister and how that's not ok. and what would be a way to do that differently and better and sweeter?

his response? "ummm...not push her?"

remember. he's not talking. so in his raspiest, hoarsest voice, he informed me that the best decision would be to maybe not push her. good answer.

so buz and i finished the day. whew. put big h to bed. put the goo to bed. and now, it was time to finally rest. because big h woke up every hour on the hour the night before last. so we were pooped. the only way we would truly relax was to, of course, watched our DVR'd American Idol and eat hot tamales together. true love at its finest. we had to pause it several times due to the screaming going on in the toddler's room. but after several different moments of consoling, we were ready to watch the winner crowned. (FYI: i totally knew it would be jordin. from the VERY beginning. ask buz.) and then, this happened. and i had already turned off the computer. so we had to find out who won by looking at buz's blackberry. you realize how small these screens are, right? anticlimactic.

well, the medicine must have kicked in because big h only woke up 4 times. twice in one hour. and 2 more times but not for a long period of time. it was bliss.

until.

the goo is learning that the only way to get attention around here is do what brother does. so, she chose to wake up in the middle of the night for the first time in, oh, SIX MONTHS. and we are a cry-it-out family. say what you will. so we changed her diaper, put jammies back on, gave her a little mood music and put her back down. and she did cry it out. but she fell back asleep about 4am (about 15 minutes).

so to top everything off, our plumbing is having some "issues," shall we say. so buz stayed home today so that he can talk to the plumber and ask him how to repair our toilet that, you know, doesn't flush and all.

it can only get better, right?

and so... a recap in pictures. because i know you were on the edge of your seats.


to note: big h is wearing his "comfy" clothes, which are some OU scrubs. also, he is playing with the goo's toy. just didn't have it in him to play with toys for his own age. too much thought. (sorry, weentrab, i had to use the flash on this one too.)

we pulled out all the stops. the train track. the train blanket. the goo decided to pull out a TON of wipes right by the table. big h got out my running shoes because he's a fashion-conscious guy. they're dark red. and he was wearing dark red. that's my boy.

part of the goo's 3-part regimen here at the wisner neighborhood pharmacy

everyone's regimen, including the dr. pepper from the golden arches that buz got on his way home. major husband points scored at that very moment.

and so that no one would OD

no trip for us

quick post for us.

big h screaming in his room.

we have hand, foot, and mouth. we, meaning big h.

pray. he is in SO. MUCH. PAIN!!!

no trip back home for us tomorrow.

pray for sweet big h. and for the goo to NOT get it.

(have any of you had this before? if so, suggestions?)

knock knock. who's there?

me! us! (fyi: buz doesn't care for knock knock jokes, so i decided to use one to see if he was still reading.) where have i been, you, my mother-in-law and the other person who reads this, ask?

couldn't tell ya. trying to go to bed before freaking TWELVE O'CLOCK! that's for sure. geez. what is my freaking problem? it's that second wind, i tell you. the freaking second wind. (i just keep saying freaking. it's fun. say it. freaking, freaking, freaking.)

hmmm...one theme for tonight? nope. as always, lots of things on my mind.

1. big h no longer calls himself "ah-nee." he says, "hen-uh-ree." we're mourning the loss of one of the last "baby words" of big h. the last to go will be noh-nee (milk). he doesn't even call the goo "gree-ya" anymore. it's "guh-retta." (and it is spoken with a beautiful Spanish accent.)

2. big h has his last day of MDO on tuesday. another loss to mourn. i don't know who will be more sad -- mommy or big h.

3. had the school carnival today, and mommies got to come. i got a sitter for the goo. i really thought he would be so touched by my selfless act. you know, the one where i communicated my love for him by making this "our" day. and his response was, "why couldn't baby come? i missssssss her, mama." so much for my selfless act. speaking of carnival day. big h helped create a beautiful memory for me to cling to and record in the baby book. or right here on the internet. when i went to pick him this afternoon, i noticed a VERY uncoordinated outfit on little man. i'll be honest, i do my best to dress big h pretty snazzy when he goes to school. i mean, there are girls there, people. so he was in a lovely turquoise ocean-themed t-shirt that was ENTIRELY too small with some khaki shorts that i believe we were either a 5 (with no T at the end) or a size sold in the juniors' department. definitely no T at the end of the size of these shorts. or coolotts (i can't believe i don't know how to spell them), as i believe my mom would have referred to them. they informed me that at potty time (when all the children get a chance to go potty or at least make sure they have clean pants on right before the mommies come), they noticed a smell. a poop smell. they figured out it was coming from his direction. and lo and behold, there was the smell -- and the object -- on the floor. big h had already gone poop before time, didn't tell anyone, and was ready to take his pull up off. only, like a diaper. nice. so they had to move the entire class into the empty classroom next to theirs because they had the church janitor "professionally" clean the carpet. you know, because they were afraid the other kids were going to step in and make an even bigger mess. that's my boy.

anyway, the carnival.


yes, he's getting his face painted


ringing the bell, of course


the infamous "my best friend called CJ"


i despise the "say cheese" smile

4. the goo has started pulling up to things. and standing. not crawling, mind you. just pulling up and standing. and then falling and bonking her head. and crying. poor goo.

5. we had a really cute picture taken of the goo and big h. henry thought it was a piece of paper. and highlighted it. thank you, dear.



6. we dedicated sweet goo this past weekend. yes, mother's day. it was a wonderful day.


yes, there's really a bow in her hair

7. big h is really showing his intelligent side. he was trying to find something. diego-related. buz brought something to him that he thought was the missing object. "nope, that's the sloth." wait, what? so he brought something else. "no, dad. that's the tapir." right. we're idiots around here.

8. i'm sure you've been wondering if i'm ever going to show you my snazzy senior pictures. well, today is your day. i have been SO PUMPED about them. i think the mom likes them. but she has family in town and hasn't had time to really look at them. but they are photos from my first "real" session. weentrab was so proud. or so she said. i mean, don't you want to take him to your prom? or hire him for your modeling agency? (assuming you, the reader, have a modeling agency?)





9. next week is the week. going to visit my house for the last time. this is the house i grew up in. moved when i was in first grade. had sleepovers in. (actually, that's a lie. i was the dorky girl who didn't really like having sleepovers at her own house because it would get too loud. i know, i know -- bless my heart. someone from elementary school -- PLEASE post a comment here. confirming that i wasn't a total social outcast.) where i took tap, jazz, softball, and baton. yes, baton swirling. i was a vision of loveliness in my white long-sleeve yet very, very short dress, cuffed with silver sparkles, white boots, and white gloves. christmas parade and all. where casey frenchbraided my hair really, really tight before we would go catch the school bus. where i met kelly, my best friend, my equivalent to gulley. where i recovered from back surgery as an elementary school kid. twice. where i accepted the Lord. where i got ready for my junior prom with matt. what a dream of a boyfriend he was. now he is a husband and father to a very lucky girl. where i introduced buz to my father. where buz decided that i was the one. where i slept the night before i got married. anyway, you get it. this house has a lot of memories. so i am taking biscuit and her son, and we are making a road trip. one with kids. but it should be fun. having a playdate with two of my friends growing up and their children. surreal. and will probably take a lot of pictures of the house. because i'm like that.

10. big h is in his room right now asking for one of us. knocking on the door. needing assistance. and his two requests? one for more energy. he's just running out of energy and needs more. maybe he can have something from the kitchen to give him more energy? two for the opportunity to watch the movie where he could get his head in the game. (i.e. high school musical) he's only watched that part of the movie over at his cousin's. but he LOVES that song. i think the kid has rhythm. and i love it. but i don't believe we will be able to oblige either request. sorry, little man. but A+ for creativity.

11. i'm very, very sorry to those of you out there who were/are sad about melinda going home last night. i've been pro-jordin this entire journey. and buz is VERY pro-blake. in fact, i received my very own voicemail from blake on my cell. beat-boxing his love to me. it was great. so boomama, my condolences.

12. c'mon tessa, the social worker. buz and i are pulling for you next week. even though, we realize that statistically you two won't stay together anyway. speaking of, anyone know the current status on charlie and sarah b? you know, sarah b and i worked at the same hospital. i'm cool like that.

13. thank you to the producers of the office. the last 5 minutes had me all giddy. notice the word had.

14. until i watched grey's anatomy. for those of you who watch it but have not watched it yet, please do not read ahead.

I AM SO ANGRY AT MY TELEVISION!

there. that's all i had to say about that.

so i think that's it. oh, i forgot. to tell you what i'm listening to on the ipod right now. shape of my heart by the backstreet boys. and in case you're wondering, kevin is my favorite. buz gets jealous of my teenage girl crush. but to let you in on how much this guy loves me. he took me to a backstreet boys concert when we were "just friends." (the "just friends" saga could be a post in itself.)




sometimes i just want to eat them both up...

i've put it off long enough

well, way to go, buz. you've managed to stop me in my tracks. at this point, i am completely unsuccessful at composing anything. no witty response. nothing tender. nothing at all. nice.

to all you new buz fans -- yes, he is like this all the time. but don't think i didn't prompt him to write some of those. he was coming home from a business trip in late march. he was stuck in the airport for what seemed like forever. he had read most of his man reads (entertainment weekly; football, football, and more football; playstation hints for all games sports-related; and NFL today), eaten all the snacks he could stomach, and played enough solitaire on his blackberry to know the hidden secret behind the game. so when he was talking to me on the phone one of 24 times, he said, "honestly, i don't know what else to do. i have literally done everything i can think of." and i thought that the most obvious choice would be to write me a love letter.

because that is, after all, my love language.

so he did.

and yes, i printed it out, and it is now in my diaper bag. the most logical place for it. the one item i carry everywhere, right?

my first thought was to write something back to him. but that is not his thing. because i'm such a good wife, i know his love language. and his love language is NOT cute little notes of encouragement left in cute little hidden places to find only at cute little unexpected times.

i wish it was. but it's not.

it's acts of service. darn you, buz. couldn't you have picked another one? acts of service. we're talking cooking dinner, having a clean house, those june cleaver things. that's what makes his toes tingle. *big sigh*

oh, and those things, by the way, are very hard to publicize. buz can secretly get into my blog and profess his love for me throughout the internet, and i get 53 freaking comments (thank you, boomama). you know what would happen if i decided to do the same?

so today, i cooked a mean mexican casserole for buz. and i vacuumed and swept. i had candles lit when he walked in the door. both children were playing quietly in the living room, while reciting the bible verses they learned at church this morning. the sheets were folded down with a mint on his pillow. i cleaned his car, inside and out, while he was sleeping. there was not a single dish out of place in the kitchen. no streaks on the mirrors or windows. oh, and no hint of a poop smell anywhere in the house.

i know what are you thinking? that i have an ego problem. RIGHT!

and buz secretly posts and everyone, including me, of course, swoons.

so why did i get the love language of words of encouragement and he got acts of service???

ok, so i'm a little dramatic. i realize this.

anyhoo...the neat part about all of this is that my sweet buz got nationally recognized. buz is one of those guys who will forever fly under the radar. and that is what attracted me to him.

now, i could comment on some of the things he loves about me, but my face would just turn red, and i would get embarrassed. so i won't. but rest assured -- almost all of them have stories associated with them. perhaps stories that i will post later.

you did it, buz. you finally got some credit for who you are. and i love that.

in other news...

• my parents are home from italy. and word is my mom purchased a handbag. for me. praise be to the Lord.
• while we're on the subject of my parents...um, yeah. their house sold while they were in italy. let me say this in a different way. the only house that i have memory of was sold.
• and what that means. my parents are moving here!!! about 45 minutes away! and it's going to be a lot sooner than i thought.
• got to see miss georgia again. is there a more beautiful combination than babies and handbags?


• sunday night was belated birthday celebration for weentrab. and to inform you just how fun she is. we had dinner and headed out for a shopping spree. yeah, i know how to live it up. the condition for the spree was that she had $30 that she had to spend that night, while we were there. and it could not be spent on practical stuff. (i.e. no tweezers, batteries, toilet paper, etc.) so we (i say we because c'mon, would it really be fun to spend $$ by yourself?) each bought 2 pairs of shoes. now that is how to spend a sunday night. thanks, weentrab. have i mentioned that i love being pals with you?

and well, that's all i have. oh! and soon to be posted. some samples of my first "real" photography session? can't post until he and his parents see them. but just know -- i wouldn't doubt that this high school senior will be a force to be reckoned with in the ladies' department. stay tuned. (weentrab, you're so impressed, huh?)