Wednesday, June 13, 2007

it ain't pretty, folks

(prepare for some raw vulnerability)

today i was that mom.

that mom who woke up bitter that i was having to wake up. at 6:15. (i realize some of your children wake up way earlier. cut me some slack, here.)

that mom who found herself frustrated that i had to change 2 diapers (gross ones) before 6:30. the frustration comes from the fact that my 3 1/2-year-old is still in pull ups (just expensive diapers) during the day and a diaper at night.

that mom who didn't shower this morning.

that mom who fixed eggos for breakfast. not because that's what everyone was craving. but because it was the easiest.

that mom who got frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter didn't eat much of said eggo that i went to so much trouble to fix her.

that mom who got frustrated again that her 10-month-old made a huge mess of the fruit i fixed her instead.

10. months. old.

that mom who rolled her eyes because her 3 1/2-year-old wanted to watch morning tv this morning. (never mind the fact that he gets to do this every morning.)

that mom who almost yelled at the 3 1/2-year-old because he continued to inform me that he was NOT EXCITED about going to a splash park with his friends.

that mom who proceeded to give him a lecture about how it's not ok to take fun away from others and that that was what he doing to me and his sister.

that mom who was frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter had another poop right before we were supposed to leave.

that mom who wasn't friendly to the moms of her 3 1/2-year-old's friends, even though we hang out regularly.

that mom who just checked her email and blogs while her 10-month-old napped and her 3 1/2-year-old watched rudolph. (we get our seasons a little out of whack around here.)

that mom who was frustrated with her 3 1/2-year-old because he cried the entire way to his swim lesson (day 3).

and that mom who took her children to wendy's for dinner in their swimsuits. (including mom's)

once they went to sleep, i breathed a sigh of relief.

today was one of those days. and today i was one of those moms. please tell me you can relate.

summertime is hard around here. it is hot. big h has tubes, so he has to wear ear plugs. let's just say he does NOT LIKE TO WEAR THOSE, MAMA! and don't be fooled into thinking that he only says it once. and the goo is mobile, so it's tough for her to just sit with her feet dangling in the water. she wants to move. she's spent 10 months immobile. it's high time to get off her hiney and conquer this world.

update on swim lessons:

they are at 3 pm. this is a tough time of the day. because he doesn't usually go down until 2-ish, if he takes a nap at all. so he hasn't had a nap either day. so we get in the car and head down to the house where they host it. monday we had to go to a house where we didn't know anyone. (mama mess up) they said he was "such a sweet little boy but somewhat reluctant." yesterday, we were at weentrab's house, and so i watched from inside. nightmare. i'm sure weentrab just felt sorry for me. because there her child goes with her little goggles, jumping off the edge. my child is that child. the child who has an instructor all to himself. and literally cried the entire 40 minutes. but still wanted ice cream afterwards. and actually wanted to go get some of his own goggles (which he refused to wear at the lesson). so we bought them in high hopes that things would turn around. when we went to the splash park today, he wore the goggles and informed everyone that he was a diver. he was so proud of himself.

but then.

then, it was time to head to swim lessons. and he informed me that "i do not want to go to any houses to swim today." and cried the entire way there.

fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), swim lessons were canceled today due to lightning. information that we received once he had already gotten out of the car and was being held by one of the instructors. we'll just make up on friday.

*big sigh*

today was just one of those days where i feel like i'm parenting eeyore. thank you, shannon, for coining this phrase. it now gets used on a daily basis around this house. sometimes buz and i wonder if there is a physiological part of his brain that makes him actually enjoy crying. i mean, i am frustrated just thinking about it right now.

we prayed 3 different times today to ask Jesus to make our hearts cleaner, to be nicer to our sister, and to have a better attitude.

and buz is not here tonight. he's actually at a sleep study tonight. the snoring had gotten pretty bad. poor buz. wait...poor me. :) so he made an appointment. ironically enough, ever since he made the appointment, his snoring has stopped. we'll see.

so tonight i am resting quietly in the palm of the hands of my Father. waiting patiently for Him to remind me that everything is fine. to remind me how much He loves me. to remind me that tomorrow is a new day.

i know, poor me, right?

(i mean, don't ya just want to jam to a little "walking on sunshine" right now on your ipod? i promise a more uplifting post next time.)


Raquel said...

we are all one of those moms at times... I can so relate, with a 9, 4, 3, and newborn I really realte, I love your blog,yu re so honest :) anyhow all we can do is pray right? hope you have a better day tomoorrow.......

Alana said...

Coming out of lurking..." hi, how are ya...nice to meet ya"

Bless your heart! Trust me I am "one of those Moms" atleast once a day...sometimes MANY more! This Mommy thing is a tough job...and that is such an understatement, I mean REALLY!

But by the grace of God...

Aunt Boo said...

I agree with Raquel. I am totally that mom. I have told my kids that we will go swimming one night this week, its Thursday, we haven't went yet. They keep reminding me that I said we would go. I promise, we are going when I get off work.

Have a better day!


Marino said...

Oh Big Jan, I feel your pain! I know Sarah hasn't quite made it to the tantrum stage YET, but it's so hard when your kid doesn't want to do the fun things that you see soooo many other kids SWIM!!! I was just telling Cdog the other day that I might be a little bit depressed because of Sarah's lack of enthusiasm for the some people that might sound so stupid, but to me summers are all about the POOL & how in the world did I have a child who could care less about it??? Anyway, you're not alone & all of us have been "those moms" & from what I saw last week you're a great one!!! Love ya friend!


wads said...

I can guarantee you that will be me and my little guy next year at swim lessons. So learn well and coach me thru next summer! Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

big sigh...

because we've ALL been "that mom." every single last everlovin' one of us.

i often find myself smiling when i think of how much of a roller coaster this mommy thing really is. it can put you on cloud nine one minute - bestowing a self-confidence only parenthood can give. and then, in the next minute draw up a self doubt you have never before felt.

it ain't pretty, and it sure ain't easy. but it also ain't every day.

and it comes in all forms. isaac never cries at the thought of going to the pool, but he certainly has never made a move to swim. he sits on the steps or circles the edge of the pool hand over hand. of course, we haven't started swim lessons yet. that is next week. his song and dance may change yet!

love ya sweet janet!

R said...

Thanks for this post, J! I've been "that mom" for the last couple of days. It's so cyclical for me! Seems like I have good weeks then bad weeks.

Jenn Miller said...

GOOD NESS sister, we have eggos everyday at the Miller's! And being annoyed with noneating--I'm the mom with a kid who has medical reasons for not eating and I've still mumbled under my breath to her, "if you would just eat, our life wouldn't be so hard"--you're a saint in comparison!
Being a mom is HARD and the guilt we pile on ourselves for being human makes it 100xs harder. I wish I could stop doing it (feeling guilty, not being a mom!) but until I can, I can at least tell other moms to stop doing it! I hope the rest of your week was better.