well, i've got to get this out while it's weighing so heavily on my heart.
buz got offered a job.
out of town.
and before i go any further, let me say...i realize this is a WONDERFUL predicament we've found ourselves in. to have a job and another offer. i am VERY aware of this. and wanted you to know that i am VERY aware of this.
doesn't make it any easier.
where to start. buz found his name on a headhunter's list at one point. and has never taken it off. without giving too much information, we would love to be a *tad* more financially secure. period. we don't have a future of having too much money or even being "well off." but we would love to be more secure than we are now.
so buz got a call a while ago about a job out of town.
went on the interview. came home and thought, "probably a lateral move." we didn't think too much of it.
got a call end of last week. got the offer. not a lateral move. a little more $$. as buz has said, "enough to give us a bit of a cushion but we will continue our very conservative lifestyle."
fast forward to now. we are a MESS.
an absolutely Jesus-needing MESS.
yes, we've gone through pros and cons. and our scale doesn't weigh heavily to one side or the other.
there are so many things going through my head right now. would you like to hear them? you would? ok. thanks.
brace yourself. it appears that i've lost the ability to express coherent thoughts. bless my heart.
i have friends here. lots of them. not lots as in "i can't keep 'em all straight" or "i don't remember the last time i didn't have plans."
but friends like, "um, bff...my husband just had a heart attack. what do i do with my 2.75 year old and my 3 week old?" and her response being, "hello. bring either or both over. period." friends to eat dinner with. friends to celebrate life's moments with. friends that make you happy just by seeing their face. friends who you probably don't know as well as you think you do, but you love being in their presence. friends who you call when you pick your kids up from school and say, "we're coming to your house to play. hope that's ok." friends that serve with you. friends whom you barely know but feel like you're walking through life with.
but let me tell you about each one of these friends. i haven't seen any of them in a while. because my kid goes to preschool every day, and her kid goes on tuesdays and thursdays. and who wants to get out on a saturday or sunday when your husband isn't working. or she lives south of where i live and her kids go to a school way further south than where i live. or life gets busy. period.
not to mention, we're about to enter into a whole new season with big h. the K word. yes, i've got issues. i can't write PT, and i'd prefer to not write out the K word either. let's just say it's the beginning of elementary school. (for the record, as i'm writing elementary school, i have tears in my eyes.) and big h will be going to the school just down the street from our house. and won't know a. single. soul. and if we move, he won't know a single soul. so what's the difference, right?
big h had two teachers last year at preschool that i'm *pretty sure* goo will have next year. let's just say that they changed big h's life. and mine. and i want goo to experience that too.
but who's to say new city won't have an awesome preschool too. where goo will learn about Jesus just as often.
my parents. let's just leave it at that. my parents will NOT live in new city. which means they will not be able to come over in an hour for braum's hamburgers. and my kiddos will NOT be able to just head on over to nana and papa's for a sleepover whenever.
but this job? it moves buz into a new area of work where he will learn a ton and it will open doors for him. that wouldn't be open now. or here.
cost of living is lower. praise Jesus.
smaller town. praise Jesus.
but smaller town means fewer Gaps. don't judge. i really don't go that often. but the option is there. which is funny. i really don't shop that often. i just like knowing i can.
hi, i'm petty.
will big h and goo be sad? goo honestly won't care. as long as she can play outside and be with big h, i'm not sure she'll know any better.
big h, on the other hand, will get it. and will be sad. i mean, he's only 5.5, but he'll be sad. and i know he'll get over it and move on and make friends and do great. but he'll be sad that things are different. little man doesn't do so well with change. (of course, nothing this wouldn't cure.)
oh, and it's not illinois or iowa. sorry, nicole and angela. if it was, i think we wouldn't think so long and hard about it. it's actually hotter and more humid. honestly, that sentence alone should seal the deal for me. because have i mentioned here that i DETEST hot weather???
but i can't get brave and courageous Ruth out of my head.
"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."
granted, i know she was referring to her MIL, but i love her commitment. and i have that commitment to buz and his provision for and protection of our family.
we've been at the same church since before we were husband and wife.
we've brought both of our children home to the same home.
we don't know a soul in New City. (i've said that one before, right?)
oh, and as i've aged, it seems i've lost my friend-making skill. i'm not as social as i once was. and when buz and i go to a party (side note: when have buz and i gone to a party lately?), we are very comfortable sitting in the corner with each other just being together. and so that brings a lot of fear. we can't do life alone. but what if i've lost my ability to make friends? good friends?
hi, i'd like to introduce you to Insomnia Janet. Nice to meet you.
house on the market? make it clean? get rid of clutter? oh my.
oh, and look for another one? buy another one? move into another one? oh my.
so, again, i realize in the grand scheme of life, my petty, little worries aren't as huge as i'm making them. but please pray for us. that we will be able to discern God's will for our lives. that we will listen to Him. that we wouldn't make this decision by ourselves. and that our decision would be made clear. because wow...we need us some clarity.