Monday, April 06, 2009

hi, how are ya...

well, i've got to get this out while it's weighing so heavily on my heart.

buz got offered a job.

out of town.

and before i go any further, let me say...i realize this is a WONDERFUL predicament we've found ourselves in. to have a job and another offer. i am VERY aware of this. and wanted you to know that i am VERY aware of this.

doesn't make it any easier.

where to start. buz found his name on a headhunter's list at one point. and has never taken it off. without giving too much information, we would love to be a *tad* more financially secure. period. we don't have a future of having too much money or even being "well off." but we would love to be more secure than we are now.

so buz got a call a while ago about a job out of town.

went on the interview. came home and thought, "probably a lateral move." we didn't think too much of it.

got a call end of last week. got the offer. not a lateral move. a little more $$. as buz has said, "enough to give us a bit of a cushion but we will continue our very conservative lifestyle."

fast forward to now. we are a MESS.

an absolutely Jesus-needing MESS.

yes, we've gone through pros and cons. and our scale doesn't weigh heavily to one side or the other.

there are so many things going through my head right now. would you like to hear them? you would? ok. thanks.

brace yourself. it appears that i've lost the ability to express coherent thoughts. bless my heart.

i have friends here. lots of them. not lots as in "i can't keep 'em all straight" or "i don't remember the last time i didn't have plans."

but friends like, "um, bff...my husband just had a heart attack. what do i do with my 2.75 year old and my 3 week old?" and her response being, "hello. bring either or both over. period." friends to eat dinner with. friends to celebrate life's moments with. friends that make you happy just by seeing their face. friends who you probably don't know as well as you think you do, but you love being in their presence. friends who you call when you pick your kids up from school and say, "we're coming to your house to play. hope that's ok." friends that serve with you. friends whom you barely know but feel like you're walking through life with.

but let me tell you about each one of these friends. i haven't seen any of them in a while. because my kid goes to preschool every day, and her kid goes on tuesdays and thursdays. and who wants to get out on a saturday or sunday when your husband isn't working. or she lives south of where i live and her kids go to a school way further south than where i live. or life gets busy. period.

not to mention, we're about to enter into a whole new season with big h. the K word. yes, i've got issues. i can't write PT, and i'd prefer to not write out the K word either. let's just say it's the beginning of elementary school. (for the record, as i'm writing elementary school, i have tears in my eyes.) and big h will be going to the school just down the street from our house. and won't know a. single. soul. and if we move, he won't know a single soul. so what's the difference, right?

big h had two teachers last year at preschool that i'm *pretty sure* goo will have next year. let's just say that they changed big h's life. and mine. and i want goo to experience that too.

but who's to say new city won't have an awesome preschool too. where goo will learn about Jesus just as often.

my parents. let's just leave it at that. my parents will NOT live in new city. which means they will not be able to come over in an hour for braum's hamburgers. and my kiddos will NOT be able to just head on over to nana and papa's for a sleepover whenever.

but this job? it moves buz into a new area of work where he will learn a ton and it will open doors for him. that wouldn't be open now. or here.

cost of living is lower. praise Jesus.

smaller town. praise Jesus.

but smaller town means fewer Gaps. don't judge. i really don't go that often. but the option is there. which is funny. i really don't shop that often. i just like knowing i can.

hi, i'm petty.
will big h and goo be sad? goo honestly won't care. as long as she can play outside and be with big h, i'm not sure she'll know any better.

big h, on the other hand, will get it. and will be sad. i mean, he's only 5.5, but he'll be sad. and i know he'll get over it and move on and make friends and do great. but he'll be sad that things are different. little man doesn't do so well with change. (of course, nothing this wouldn't cure.)

oh, and it's not illinois or iowa. sorry, nicole and angela. if it was, i think we wouldn't think so long and hard about it. it's actually hotter and more humid. honestly, that sentence alone should seal the deal for me. because have i mentioned here that i DETEST hot weather???

but i can't get brave and courageous Ruth out of my head.

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."

granted, i know she was referring to her MIL, but i love her commitment. and i have that commitment to buz and his provision for and protection of our family.

we've been at the same church since before we were husband and wife.

we've brought both of our children home to the same home.

we don't know a soul in New City. (i've said that one before, right?)

oh, and as i've aged, it seems i've lost my friend-making skill. i'm not as social as i once was. and when buz and i go to a party (side note: when have buz and i gone to a party lately?), we are very comfortable sitting in the corner with each other just being together. and so that brings a lot of fear. we can't do life alone. but what if i've lost my ability to make friends? good friends?

hi, i'd like to introduce you to Insomnia Janet. Nice to meet you.

house on the market? make it clean? get rid of clutter? oh my.

oh, and look for another one? buy another one? move into another one? oh my.

so, again, i realize in the grand scheme of life, my petty, little worries aren't as huge as i'm making them. but please pray for us. that we will be able to discern God's will for our lives. that we will listen to Him. that we wouldn't make this decision by ourselves. and that our decision would be made clear. because wow...we need us some clarity.

thank you.










19 comments:

aimee said...

You've got a lot to think about. I know you'll find your path. Saying a prayer for you!

And about the "friend making" abilities, I know you haven't lost your touch. You will always be the girl everyone wants to get to know better. You ROCK!!

Casey said...

ughhh--don't you detest making grown up decisions??! jan--you will make friends no matter where you are. and your kids will probably surprise you. will pray for CLARITY and perhaps a NEON SIGN from God. keep us posted :)

R said...

so scary, yet so exciting! but the limbo in the decision-making is so hard. i understand. i'll be praying!

Jenna said...

Girl, all I can say is I am praying and praying! I can't imagine how hard a decision like this is to make - a lot to consider and a lot to iron out. But I KNOW God is at work this situation, whether the answer is to move or not. He is teaching you more about Himself - and you can NEVER go wrong with that. Praying He makes His will clear and that you feel a wonderful peace!!! I love you, dear!

Ani said...

This is a tough, life-altering decision. May God guide you both in this path to make the best choice for you and your family.

j.ro said...

indiana is hot and humid (sometimes). it's indiana right? i'm sure it is ;o) said a prayer for you! ... and i don't really think you could ever loose your friendship making ability skills! you're pretty stellar at it!

chrys said...

praying for a peace that passes understanding. i realize this is huge.

for what it's worth, i lived in "new city", L-O-V-E-D "new city" and i think you would, too.

love you.

chrys

ispeakbeanish said...

Saying prayers for clarity for y'all. That is definitely a LOT to think about.

Marino said...

I am so sorry I didn't call you today, it was one of those days, but sweet friend I am lifting you and Buz and your whole sweet little family up right now! I know that God will lead y'all to just the right decision and right where He wants you to be. You know the "new city" is a little bit closer to me.....and I believe there are some outlet shops right in between here and there....hmmmmm something to think about! Love ya!

Janelle said...

Bittersweet, my friend. I don't know what we would do leaving friends and family. My fleshly words will do you no good right now.

Unless, of course, the move is to B-Town. And then I would hoot and holler for you to get here because you already have 2 friends!!

Kelly said...

Hey girl. First of all, your worries and concerns are not petty, at all. This is a huge change and you have to think about every aspect of it - even ones that are important to you but you may think seem petty. Those concerns are real for you, so they need to be considered.

I think that God will lead you down the road you are supposed to take. I really do. You have said multiple times that 2009 is going to be a big year for you, maybe this is it.

But I do love knowing you are here, even if we haven't seen one another in a long time. :)

I hope you can get some rest.

Alana said...

Sent you a little message on Facebook. Peace and love to you!

Cindy said...

My friend, as someone who has moved 8 times in 9 years of marriage (with another move coming this summer!), I am praying for your family. Big decisions are never easy, but kids are resilient and they adjust to change a lot better than us grown ups do. Rest easy girl and take it one day at a time.

Beck said...

You're not petty.

New City doesn't have a Gap? Seriously? Hmmm. It does have a Whataburger. Close second?

Ohhh...the parents. I know that will make your heart heavy all on it's own. I won't try to soften that blow.

Friend, I'm praying. That is tough. I love you & keep us posted.

Life In Progress said...

Sweet friend, this is not an easy one. But, we're all praying you through this decision. And I know you and Buz are praying too, and will come to the right decision.

I did have to take pause when you said this new city is even hotter than your current locale when I know you're not-so-much into your current climate! But, you'll have your man and your kids....everything else is negotiable.

Courtney said...

Got your text yesterday. Can't wait to hear how God has been speaking to you through this process!!

Penelope said...

#1 you really boosted my confidence with the Easter comment, thank you.

#2 I had every single thought you did when we moved 9 hours from my comfort zone of many many years, including childhood! Family close, dear friends, great church and neighborhood...all of it. AND it was hard, very hard. BUT 1 1/2 years later, I can see clearly how God took care of us while causing us to depend more heavily on him than ever. Taking family out of the daily life was hard, but really brought Babe and I closer together. We are growing in so many ways as we spread our wings and fly! You can too! God has his plan for your family...now to pray for what it is. Can't wait to hear where "new city" is!

Penelope said...

#1 you really boosted my confidence with the Easter comment, thank you.

#2 I had every single thought you did when we moved 9 hours from my comfort zone of many many years, including childhood! Family close, dear friends, great church and neighborhood...all of it. AND it was hard, very hard. BUT 1 1/2 years later, I can see clearly how God took care of us while causing us to depend more heavily on him than ever. Taking family out of the daily life was hard, but really brought Babe and I closer together. We are growing in so many ways as we spread our wings and fly! You can too! God has his plan for your family...now to pray for what it is. Can't wait to hear where "new city" is!

Colored With Memories said...

oh my! can't believe i missed all this...