Monday, April 13, 2009

come on board. buckle your seat belt.
















because we/i seem to be on a roller coaster ride.

emotions.

decisions.

you name it.

bottom line for all you guys out there (or women who don't care about the details) -- we're not moving.

ok. got that out there.

it has been a good week. and a rough week. i have grown. my husband has grown. my children are pretty much oblivious. but that's a good thing.

all of last week, buz and i got more and more excited about the possibility of moving. i started wrapping my brain around a new life in a new city, making new friends and doing new things. and honestly, i think i was really ok with it. some might even say i was excited. i even took down our refrigerator magnets. that is big.

we looked online at homes. you'll be glad to know that i was able to find out that there WAS a gap. whew.

so we decided it was important to drive there and look around before we (buz) gave the official "yes."

so friday after buz got off of work, we picked him up and headed there. yes, we missed Good Friday service. but we had a feeling the Lord was right there in the car with us as we picked up Chick-fil-a.

we got there and drove to where buz would work. very nice. then drove to on the border for some take out. we brought our dinner back to our room and had a little picnic. big h and goo thought they were at disneyland. then, we got back in the car and drove around to look at houses.

wow. nice houses. houses that were way too expensive for us. oh well. there was always tomorrow.

then, saturday morning, we had a fabulously healthy breakfast at mcdonald's where big h and goo were appalled that breakfast doesn't come with a toy. the nerve.

we started driving around, and looked at house after house. that we didn't feel good about. not good at all. and we drove around for a LONG TIME. we got out at a neighborhood park to let the kiddos play. and then got back in the car. drove around some more. kept not feeling right. with every house, the feeling of "not right-ness" intensified. finally, we did what any good parent would do to relax. we went to chuck e cheese.

oh my.

why? why would we do such a thing?

while we were at that establishment, i got a message from a friend that i hadn't seen in....now that i think about it, i have NO IDEA when i saw her last. we had sent facebook messages back and forth. she's moving to new city. and was currently in new city at her parents' house with her children while her husband was currently moving their stuff.

perfect. it was awesome spending some time with her. big h and goo got to play with her oldest for about thirty minutes while we talked.

we all got back in the car and got ready to head home. they were asleep in 6.4 seconds. which was perfect. buz and i needed and wanted to talk.

and talked, we did. the entire way home. and that whole night.

the next morning was Easter Sunday. and between our HUGE DECISION and the rain, i didn't have time to stress out about taking pretty Easter pictures of my children. don't worry. i'll take them soon. just didn't feel the need to do it sunday morning. which was a huge load lifted. funny how we(i) stress about such petty things sometimes.

we dropped them off at their classes, sat and had our coffee, and headed into the service.

and i proceeded to "almost cry" the entire service. you know the almost cry, right? where you can't sing the songs because you're almost about to cry? where you can't look at your spouse because if you do, you'll cry? where listening to the pastor makes you almost cry? yeah. see? you know the almost cry. that was me the entire service. the service which, by the way, ROCKED.

we picked up the kiddos and headed to the car. and buz began to talk. and talk. and say, "so, i feel like something happened in the service today. i feel like i have such a peace about NOT going."

and at this point, i was crying the quiet cry. the cry that is quiet so that your kiddos don't ask what's wrong.

so the ride home was quiet. very, very quiet. we were almost home when i said, "would it help to know that i feel the exact same way?"

somehow, big h and the goo played together in the living room by themselves. which is an Easter miracle in and of itself.

buz and i talked and talked and talked. about how we both felt the Holy Spirit spoke so loudly and clearly to us during the service. we both felt the exact same way. that it wasn't a good decision to move.

and that was that. we talked about it all day and both continued to feel the same way. that God had something big in store for us. HERE. that we were actually taking a bigger step of faith to stay here. to make some bold moves. to stop taking things and people for granted.

and buz has officially turned down the job.

and i won't lie. Satan has been in rare form around our house. making us feel like we made a poor choice. making us think that we can't do it here. making us think that we won't change anything here. making us think that we won't make a difference for Christ. here.

and it's been tough.

but you know? there is NOTHING more attractive than my husband following Christ and leading us.

grrr....

and so. we're here. ready to make some changes. ready to cherish things and people that are important to us. ready to say "yes, Lord." here.

15 comments:

Marina said...

Know you guys have probably had a lot on your minds/hearts. Sounds like you made the best decision for your family:)Glad to hear you don't need to research gaps, donut shops, and preschools:)

Beck said...

Oh girl, listen: I knew Satan would attempt to thwart that decision. And I know EXACTLY about the kinds of cries of which you speak in this post! I'm so grateful that the Spirit is leading you through the hubs. That, in itself, is a blessing and a promise that He will continue to strengthen your marriage & family.

Thanks for letting me pray for you guys last weekend!

R said...

i am CRACKING UP at the "almost cry"!! i did it the entire service on Sunday. i do it most sundays as a matter of fact...heaven forbid anyone know that i DO in fact cry sometimes. :0)

Courtney said...

Just so you know, even though we don't see each other all that often, you being *here* has made my life better.

Just thought you should know that you are making a difference *here*.

j.ro said...

goo with goggles ... goo with boots and eggs ... awesome!

i'm glad you both came to a united decision!

Amy said...

Wow. There's listening to the voice(s) ..... and there's listening to THE VOICE.

I'm confident you are hearing all the right things.

Great post. The un-easter shots of the kids are just marvy as well.

Totally Rad said...

God is so very good.

I have been eager to get on and hear all the deets (that's street for details) and i cannot imagine all of the growth that has taken place in your house this week.

Love that the decision was made together and that you both feel so good about it because I know you have made a lot of other people happy in it too.

ispeakbeanish said...

God's got something good in store. Don't you love hearing his voice!

Megan said...

i know the "almost cry," too, but it sounds like you made the best decision. you can't argue with any decision you make on Easter of all times!

Sarah said...

just so you know, I've been praying for you--that God would give you a PEACE about whatever decision HE needed you all to make. GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!!!

Life In Progress said...

Oh, do I ever know the almost-cry. I invented the almost-cry, especially because I do not like crying in front of people.

I'm so glad you found peace about your decision. Great idea to dive to "new city" to look around, and wait for "a feeling." I'll keep praying for that peace to stay with you as you adjust to your choice.

Janelle said...

1. The "almost cry" is the perfect name for that tingling, hold it in cry!

2. I love those moments when you feel a direct link to what God is trying to tell/teach you. And the fact that you and Buz are on the same page...praise Jesus!

3. God is going to blow your socks off with His incredible love for you!

Kelly said...

I hope by now you are both at peace with your decision. I think you did the right thing by following what was being told to you. I am glad you both felt the exact same way. That must be reassuring.

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