happy birthday, little man

my sweet big h.

well, first. rest assured i won't repeat your birth story today. but please know that i really want to. like, really badly. i had no idea that i would join that club of women that tells their child their labor story every year on their child's birthday. but i joined that club at 639am on thursday, october 30, 2003.

big h. this year has been an incredible one. you have grown up so much. i can hardly believe it.

you love having our babysitter, J, over. you guys play the Wii together. i looked at my calendar, and i realized that you NEVER saw dr. g this year. never. as in, not once. you've still got your tubes in your ears. three years running. unheard of. actually, we're headed to see dr. m in about two weeks. if they're still in, we'll have to get them surgically removed. bummer. but wow -- we owe SO MUCH to those tiny, little miracles.

you played t-ball for the first time this year. your first organized sport. you didn't love it. but you learned to have an amazing attitude about it. your last game, your coach put on the "pitcher's mound." you went after every ball. and decided that you loved "baseball." last game of the year. figures.

you took swimming lessons for four straight weeks this summer. and big h. you did it. you went under the water. and really swam. you're not training for the Olympics or anything, but i can't tell you how my head swelled with pride for you. you overcame such a big fear.

you started your last year of preschool this year. excuse me while i get a kleenex. and you go everyday. you are such a big kid. you LOVE preschool. you have ten boys and five girls in your class. your obedience this year has surprised me so much. you have always had a love for all things structure. but the way that has started to manifest itself has blown me away. you love rules and crave obedience. you get really concerned when others don't. you're realizing that life/school is easier, more fun, and operates much smoother when kids/people obey the rules and do what they're told. apparently, there is a student in your class who frequently disobeys the rules and this bothers you so much and makes you so sad. you get your feelings hurt when people aren't nice to people you care about. every morning on the way to school, you and i talk to Jesus. i go first (at your request). you chime in sometimes and sometimes you wait until i'm finished. and the one thing you pray about every morning is that this specific student would make good choices. and then we let goo say amen. that's her favorite part.

speaking of goo. big h, you are, by far, the most wonderful big brother. sure, you don't let her play with your playmobils or legos or diego zipline or your computer reading games. BUT you let her pick the show you watch together. every time. even if it's a "girl show" or a "baby show." and you can't stop cuddling with her. and the things you say to her on a daily basis? make my heart melt. "goo, you're learning so many new words. great job, goo!"

and shows. just for posterity sake, the shows you watch are word world (but they don't have new episodes very often), wonder pets, max and ruby, wow wow wubbzy, and imagination movers. (for the record, mama cannot STAND imagination movers.)

you still sleep pretty good. you doddle a little more at bedtime, but dad and i are working hard on that. really, really hard. and a HUGE milestone for you. last night, you slept with only your lamp on. you have been sleeping at night with the overhead light on. i know...the people reading this are picking their jaws up off the floor. it's true. luckily, we've gotten away with the lowest wattage possible. but still. the overhead light, dude. so you decided (on your own) that there were several things you were going to do when you turned five. one was to sleep with only a lamp. and you did it. rock on, superstar. the other two things were to put more toothpaste on your toothbrush and get a real massage. yes, i'm serious. you want a chair massage at a mall. we promised that for your birthday. and we will come through.

when you get up in the morning, you come in our room. dad's already left for work. (dad's a morning person just like you. goo and i don't get that. at all.) you put your iceberg toes on my legs, and i love it. if it's before 7, you have to be quiet. i know, i have it made. we usually watch a show together. usually imagination movers. that sound you hear every morning? it's me sighing because of that show. but i wouldn't trade those thirty minutes for anything.

some days, goo gets up about the same time and you cannot wait for me to go get her. if it's early enough, i put her in my bed with us, and the three of us snuggle. but usually she doesn't get up until we're ready to leave for school.

you are totally self-sufficient in so many areas. putting your clothes on. brushing your teeth. putting your own ear plugs in at bath time. picking out what you want for breakfast.

you still love to take something with us in the car when we go somewhere. usually a lego vehicle that daddy has made you. (by the way, you have commented that i make awesome lego spaceships. just wanted that documented.)

you don't take a nap anymore, which is actually nice. when goo does, you do a great job doing quiet activities (playing computer reading games, playing legos, etc.).

as far as eating, i'll say it. you're picky. you love milk, chicken, turkey dogs, juice, couscous, pizza, any form of cracker, just discovered popsicles this summer, gummy fruit snacks, carrots, corn on the cob, and PASTA. oh how you love pasta. you can live on any kind of pasta (given that it is void of any "red or green things"). you don't like soda, and you're cautious when it comes to candy. ?? you like tootsie rolls (and call them tipsy rolls) and flavored tootsie rolls, cake and cupcakes, nerds (yes, the little sour crunchy candy), and you don't really like ice cream. crazy. you're like your mama. not into sweets but could eat your weight in a bag of nacho cheese doritos.

big h, so much has changed since you were born. you're an easy kid. (NEVER did i think i would say that.) you adore your family and friends. your conversations are incredible. three of your teachers (music, Spanish, and movement) have told me that you are the only kid who dances and sings at the top of his lungs in class. and that you are a joy to have around. you are absolutely delightful. i really feel like you're going to be a leader. you came home from school one day telling me "mama, i think i set a good example for someone today."

we went to pick you up from church one sunday, and you had a toy. i know they don't give out toys at church. you said you got it for learning your memory verse. "nothing can separate me from God's love." there is nothing sweeter to my ears that hearing you hide His Word in your heart.

you love your dad. you cherish the moment you hear the garage door open.

your hair is an amazing color. women have told me that they would pay money if "that" was sold in a bottle.

you love letters and numbers. your favorite number is one million. :) you love noticing letters that are lowercase. and you love when we go to CVS together because you tell me that you can read the sign. :)

this year, you are having your birthday party at a bounce house, which is funny because you have never seemed to enjoy them. oh well. and it is a batman theme. you love batman lately because he "depeats the bad guys." you are so into superheroes. you love to dress up. you'll be bumble bee the yellow transformer for halloween. you've never seen him before but you saw him at wal-mart one day and you love transformers. goo's going to be cinderella (aka "blue mama").

(and for the record, i am really sad. you are starting to say more and more words correctly. like you say "Four" and "Five" instead of pour and pive. i still get to hear you say your L's as Y's (i.e. i yuv you). but because i am proud of myself because i've really been teaching you the correct way to pronounce the words you aren't pronouncing correctly. even though it means i get to hear them less and less. i will miss your "speak." i love it. but i know that it needs to change as you get older.)

you and i started grocery shopping together once every two weeks at night. you are such a wonderful companion.

big h, i can't believe that five years ago, i heard, "it's a boy." i was so elated. and i proceeded to sleep for six straight hours. i was pooped. (here is where i am restraining myself from telling your birth story.) we have had a tough time over the years, you and i . but to my amazement, we have grown together and formed a beautiful bond. remind me to thank those who assured me that life would eventually get better (my two mentors at church, dr. g, all of the ECI crew, and your dad--even though i think he was as unsure as i was).

you are such a sensitive little boy. (hmmm...wonder where you got that. dad.) you are an absolute joy to be around, little man. i love you with all of my being. i am truly honored that God chose me to be your mama. i pray that daddy and i continue to work hard pointing you to your Heavenly Father.

thank you for blessing my life, HPW.

happy birthday, big h from janet wisner on Vimeo.

prepare yourself. it's a long story.

so my best pal kelly. you know this one? this one? yeah. her.

she just had a baby. and while i was/am happy for her, i was a little sad the day she delivered because reality had sunk in that i probably wouldn't meet her until she was walking and talking. because kelly didn't meet goo until she was two months shy of her second birthday. pitiful.

rewind to about a year ago. when kelly and i are talking on the phone, and she tells me about a horrible skiing accident that happened to a seventeen-year-old boy. he broke his back. this family goes to kelly's church. this boy's mother watched kelly's first child when she returned to work about five years ago. let's just say close family friends.

so i've been praying consistently for this boy by name. he's "fine" now. will never ski again. but apparently is back to "normal." and he's a senior.

fast forward to two days ago. his mom calls kelly and asks if i was coming to visit anytime soon. kelly tells her no. she asks if kelly thinks i would be willing to come up there and photograph her son for his senior portraits. she'll use her frequent flyer miles to get me there. and oh! how about janet come a couple of days early so she can spend some time with you and lizzy?

but there's a small catch. said senior has to turn in a yearbook picture by november 8.

um, please tell me you see where this story is going.

next saturday (the 25th), i get to board a plane for MONTANA and head out west to see my best friend, her baby, and meet the boy i've been praying for.

God is so good. you know why? (other than all of those things?) buz mentioned "now, you know. that is the week i was planning to take off anyway?" seriously.

my life freaking rocks.

so i'm leaving saturday and coming back on wednesday. i'm killing like fifteen birds with one stone.

at least goo thought it was funny

so big h has begun telling jokes. actually, he's been telling them for a while. but it seems that it's becoming a daily ritual these days. and typically we tell the same three knock knock jokes. and everyone laughs. which, really, is sad. because they're not funny. and after the token three have been told, the three of us start losing it and telling jokes that really aren't jokes at all.

the three token ones are:

1. knock knock. who's there? who. who who? hey, i didn't know there was an owl in here. (laughing begins)
2. knock knock. who's there? boo. boo who? oh, don't be sad. it's just a joke. (more laughing)
3. knock knock. banana. banana who? knock knock. who's there? banana. banana who? knock knock. who's there? orange. orange who? orange you glad i didn't say banana again? (and we're hyperventilating from all the humor)

then, the jokes that aren't really jokes:

1. knock knock. who's there? goo. goo who? goo had dinner tonight. (ha ha ha ha ha. wait, what? that doesn't make any sense.)
2. knock knock. who's there? daddy. daddy who? daddy is funny. (ha ha ha ha ha. huh? are these jokes?)
3. knock knock. who's there? car. car who? we ride in a car. (ha ha ha ha ha. ok. i'm sorry, but is this going to be over anytime soon? it's painful.)

the other night, goo had had enough listening to these. so she tried to tell her own. bless her heart. i think she might have told the punch line a little early.

great ending

today was good.

took big h to school. went home to play polly pockets with the goo. got back in the car and headed to music class.

you know. goo likes to kick it. she's got rhythm. and she knows it. i don't mind admitting it. it's kind of a cheesy little music class at the little church down the street. but it's something for the two of us to do together. today was fun. we danced in circles and then the music said, "freeze."

and home girl froze.

made me proud.

so home we went for a nap. goo. not me. though, i wish i had.

headed back to get big h. went to the grocery store really quickly to pick up a couple of things. big h LOVES this store. which is funny because he doesn't like fruits or vegetables.

i take that back. he does like bananas and carrots. i stand corrected. but ever since last friday when they had an "apple stand" at school, he's decided that he likes granny smith apples. and let me make a mental note today to get him saying "granny smith" on video. it's freaking hilarious.

so we went to sprouts to get said granny smith apples. now, he hasn't actually, you know, EATEN it yet. but we'll see.

but he HAS been singing A-P-P-L-E-S (to the tune of B-I-N-G-O) all weekend. so i'm hopeful for those granny smiths.

oh, and sprouts has his favorite chapstick. yes. my almost five-year-old has a favorite chapstick only available at farmers markets. whatever.

we headed home and watched two episodes of wonder pets. we love wonder pets. yes, i said we. i love them. buz thinks i would play a pretty good "tuck" if they were ever to need a back-up.

it was such a beautiful day (read: i had on jeans. Praise the Lord.) that big h suggested we go outside and play kickball. and that, we did. for an hour and a half. dad was going to be home late, so we went inside for me to make dinner, and we went back outside for a picnic.

i'd say it was a good time?

i would like to admit to dorkiness right now

i can't believe i'm comfortable doing this. it's probably all the medication.

i am in bed with buz's laptop. checking blogs. checking ebay. checking the weather channel and smiling that it will only be in the low 80s most of the week. making my christmas list.

and buz is happily reading his JCAHO manual.

i did it. i laid it out there for all to read.

we are geeks. and totally ok with it.

yesterday, i didn't feel so good. nothing big. just a little hoarse. kind of sexy, really.

had donuts with my little people. dropped them off at school. had one more teacher (the Spanish teacher) tell me that she loved that big h was the only one in her class who sings all the songs with all the words at the top of his lungs. makin' a mama proud. i heart my musical-lovin' little man.

ran errands. lots of them. and was alone for a long time. didn't really accomplish much. but didn't really care. just was glad to refresh my soul.

ate some ice cream after school. then off to a playground. dinner at chick-fil-a. baths and bedtime. buz played playstation. and i went to bed.

woke up with NO VOICE. whatsoever. those of you who don't know me? um, just know that not having a voice is like not having a limb. i love to talk. sometimes surprisingly i don't even have anything to say. i just like to get my words in. big h said i had a frog jumping around in my "froat." goo just kept staring at me. like "yeah, hi. where is my mama? what have you done with her?"

i went out to photograph a former co-worker and her ultra cute family. headed home. and here is what happened the rest of the day...

lunch was made and eaten. brownies were made and eaten. naps were taken. there was playing outside. boz was watched. cinderella was watched. dinner was made and eaten. baths were taken. and children were put to bed.

i say all of that in third person. because i took part in not much of what happened today. well, maybe the nap part.

i was a worthless member of the family today. buz, however, was king of the ranch. or the house, in our case. dude did EVERYTHING today. and the times i did try to engage? well, nothing happened. because remember? have no voice.

totally praying that it comes back tomorrow. course, i bet the couple in front of me at church isn't necessarily praying the same thing.

(don't think i didn't consider recording it on camera for you to hear.)

so tonight. i'm off to take my concoction of mucinex and tylenol cold nighttime. ahhh...the joys of a blog. a place where you can feel comfortable to tell of your illness woes.

see, aren't you glad you stopped by?

ever have one of those days?

that was so good you pinched yourself as you got into bed?

today? was that kind of day for me.

i dropped big h off at school. he was elated, and all was well at drop off. goo left a morning gift in her diaper, so we changed it at school before heading back home. when we finished, we ran into one of big h's teachers from last year in the hall. we talked and talked and did some more talking. and then she suggested we go to chapel to watch. i had never been. i felt funny because goo still had on her jammies and no shoes. i know. we're white trash. and proud of it.

but then we saw big h in the hallway walking quietly to chapel. and i said "what the heck, we're going."

oh. my.

i am so glad we went. all of the children walk in very quietly and respectively, while a pianist plays hymns. they begin by praying. then, they sing a beautiful worship song, with hand motions. then, a bible story with practical lesson. and then, they finish with a more lively song, also with hand motions.

the music teacher asked the kids "what's the first thing we have down in our heart?" and the kids answered "JOY" very loudly. then, "love of Jesus." and then she asked, "is there anything else?"

and big h. my big h. answered louder than anyone else, "PEACE THAT PASSED SOME UNDERSTANDING!!"

i can't describe how big my smile was. and because i was the only parent there, the sweet music teacher said loud enough for me to hear, "thank you, big h."

and then. then, he sang the song. with hand motions. lots and lots (or "yots and yots") of hand motions.

and then, goo ran down the center aisle. and that concluded our time at chapel.

i left with a big smile on my face and a lump in my throat.

took goo home and played polly pockets for hours. she took a nap. i ate chicken spaghetti.

we headed to get big h. not only was i still high from earlier, i had the music and movement teacher stop me in the hall and tell me that "i'm sure you already know this, but big h is the only kid who sings everyday. and sing? oh, he sings at the top of his lungs. everyday."

the smile actually got bigger.

we headed to the grocery store to pick up some milk and fruit snacks. watched a show and headed to the park.

and my kids and i had a ball. and then dad showed up. and the day got even better.

dinner time was easy. bath time was easy. i've read blogs and done all of my computer "stuff" for the night. and now i'm going to get in bed and look at catalogs and make a list of things to do tomorrow during my five hours alone.

God is good. and today was one of those days that He kicked me in the pants to help me remember it.