[warning: proud mommy alert. mass quantities of pictures. enter at own risk.]
july 16 2006
to my sweet peanut,
today is sunday, and it is hard to believe that you are going to be here in less than four days, and you could be here tomorrow. that is so crazy, my little baby. it is hard to imagine who you are and what you will become. what your personality will be. who you will look like. if you're a boy or a girl!!! it's been much harder this time around not knowing. we didn't know with your brother if he was a boy or a girl. but either way, he would change our life forever. now, your arrival brings so much meaning to our "family." will i be a mom of two boys? will big h be a big brother to a little brother or a little sister? oh, the excitement you are bringing t o our life right now is so amazing. peanut, you have been prayed for constantly and by so many people. you have an amazing big brother. i can't wait to see how he will love you. he has so much passion and emotion for life.he is so opinionated, and i think (hope) he's going to be possessive and protective of you, and i pray it will be a beautiful picture of a sibling relationship. peanut, whether you're a boy or a girl, your daddy is already so smitten with you. he is an incredible man with so much love for his family. we are so lucky to have him protecting us physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
oh, and peanut I love you! i have prayed for, over, and with you. i can't believe your arrival is so near. i found out that i have high blood pressure, so i have had to lay on my side and not do much activity for a while. we have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, and hopefully our doctor, who we LOVE and trust, will tell us we can hold out until thursday, which is when you're scheduled to get here. the only reason i want to wait until thursday is because i want everyone to be here to celebrate your birthday. nana is coming on tuesday. papa is coming on wednesday. grandma and grandpa are getting here tuesday too. i just want everything to be smooth for your arrival, so we can focus on you. daddy and i are so excited about you getting here. peanut, you are such a gift. i'm sure you will know this by the time you read this, but mommy and daddy had a miscarriage after your brother and before you. so we consider you a miracle. you've provided us with great anticipation.
i am laying in bed tonight praying for your delivery. i am praying that you come smoothly. i so mourned the delivery of your brother. i wanted a "normal" vaginal delivery. but the Lord knew what was best. and because that was such a chaotic and scary delivery, i am praying that you come into the world with a little more peace. i am praying for weentrab. that she feels refreshed when she gets to the hospital, so that she can be a huge part of our day. i am praying for our dr. b and the anesthesiologist team. that they sleep well wednesday night and are full of energy thursday morning. i pray for dr. b and dr. a. that their hands are steady and they have clear heads the morning you get here. i pray for your health. that the Lord has taken good care of you inside me.
peanut, i cannot adequately describe the butterflies i have in my stomach about meeting you. guess it really is Christmas in July around here.
dear Jesus, thank you for peanut.
until we meet. i love you already.
this is the letter i wrote to the goo four nights before she was born. today, july 20, 2007, i celebrate the goo.
it was one year ago today that we welcomed you into our family. one year ago, daddy and i walked down the halls of labor and delivery with butterflies in our stomachs due to all of the anticipation and excitement of your arrival.
we were so excited to have our friend weentrab witness the entire thing. (seriously, weentrab, i will never be able to thank you adequately.)
this delivery was so incredibly smooth. i, of course, didn't sleep a wink the night before. partly because of my ENORMOUS belly. but more so because i could. not. wait. to meet you.
your daddy is the best daddy in the world. he told me jokes that morning while i was having my IV put in. (apparently, i am a hard stick.) but he was also serious and sentimental when it was time.
they wheeled me into the OR. i had no saliva whatsoever. i just wanted to meet you. i wanted to know you. i wanted to envision your gender. everything went so smooth. your daddy prayed the entire time the doctors were getting mommy open.
which worked because i was more calm in those several minutes than i had been in several weeks.
and then, all of the sudden, dr. a said, "well, hello sweetheart."
i just knew.
i just knew you were a girl.
and goo, i am welling up with tears as i type this because i can't begin to put my excitement and pure joy into words. i will never do that feeling any justice.
buz went over to look at you and watch you get cleaned, while my sweet weentrab just sat right next to me, reassuring me that she hadn't left me. it was such a surreal moment to say, "weentrab, i have a girl. i have a girl." she was elated.
they brought you over to me, and i couldn't really see you, but i will never forget that smell. the combination of the clean OR smell and your sweetness. oh your sweetness.
everything went fine, and they wheeled us back into the room. buz said that he would run out into the waiting room to tell our family what you were and what your name was. but i SO wanted to do it myself. of course, they knew from the fact that i wanted to tell them, that you were a girl. but it didn't take away from the joy i experienced in introducing you to them. to say they were excited was an understatement.
we just sat there, dumbfounded. we couldn't believe the Lord had bestowed this incredible gift upon us. you were more beautiful than i ever could have imagined. all i wanted was to be close to you.
we got to introduce you to your brother. oh, goo. this little guy was so excited to meet you. "baby! baby! daddy, baby! yook, baby! pitty guhl! i yuv her!"
and goo, as smoothly as you entered this earth, so have you been in personality.
finally, a baby i could cuddle. a baby who would go to sleep nursing. (not that you were EVER a good nurser. but i won't hold it against you.) i never thought i would love having a girl this much. you rounded out our family. our family is complete. i love buying pink things. i love matching your shoes with your outfits. i love putting bows in your hair, even though technically you don't have enough hair to do so. i love always making sure you have bloomers on when you wear a dress. i love when you fall asleep in the car, and i get to do the "lift and lay" and lay you fast asleep in your crib.
i love giving you your bottle. if you ever think of a way for me to thank your aunt and uncle for introducing the bottle to you, please let me know. there are so many things in motherhood that i have had to mourn. one of those things was that i didn't get to nurse you until you were at least twelve months. but dr. g said 8 months was great. so i'm taking his word for it. but on the flip side, there is nothing i love more than feeding you your bottle. you sink into the pit on my elbow and just snuggle. your head sweats (like mine), and you enjoy every minute of it. i love that your dad and i farkle (rock, paper, scissors) for who gets to put you to bed at night because both of us want to do it so badly. don't think i don't cheat a lot. actually, daddy gives in because he's just that kind of guy.
speaking of daddy. wow, goo, you have one 37-year-old man wrapped around that cute little pinky of yours. that poor boy who comes to the door to ask you out on your first date. i will pray for him now.
actually, there is someone else that will be worse than dad. your brother. i don't even know where to begin. that poor future suitor. God bless his soul. big h loves you more than he knows what to do with. literally, some days he wants to hold you and cuddle with you so much that he ends up squeezing too hard. and his response? "but mama, i just yuv her so much. sometimes i just want to skeez her. i'm sorry i skeez her yots, mama. sometimes i can't help it." goo, you are his very best friend. he would go to the ends of his little earth for you. he wants you to be involved in everything. he wants to read all of his books to you. he wants to introduce all of his trains to you. he tells you EVERY. TIME. he goes poop on the potty. and really...you're the first one he tells. (lucky you?) he holds your hand when you're asleep in the car. he shows you his dance moves. he explains to you who each backyardigan is. he wants so badly to teach you sign language. he sings songs to you when he can tell you're really tired. and more often than not, it puts you to sleep because he sings "extra ky-it." you don't ever laugh as hard as when he's messing with you. he asks daddy and me every night if you can take his bath with him. when we're getting ready to leave and get in the car, he always without a doubt says, "mama, don't forget about baby." and no question, my VERY FAVORITE thing he does with/for you is the minute you wake up. he walks in your room, puts his hands on his hips like daisy duke used to do on the dukes of hazard and says in a slow, southern drawl "where's my gooey?" seriously, your mama almost cries every morning. and then he asks, "baby, how did you sleep? i swept so good. i had pleasant dreams. did you have pleasant dreams too?" and then, he invites you into the living room to play with toys with him while i make breakfast? that is the best part of my day. next to putting you to bed at night, of course. but i already said that.
because you're not the first kid, you don't get regular naps. you just go with the flow. we just do big h's stuff, and you go along for the ride. that's who you are. we started nicknaming you "the shaft" because you always get the shaft. big h is always first in deciding what to do for the day. we are constantly saying, "oh yeah, we can do that. it won't matter to the goo. she can just do whatever."
your physical characteristics. besides being the most beautiful woman i have ever seen, you have one feature i could look at all day. your toes. they are so much fun. your third toe on each foot kind of has her own personality. she likes to be above the rest. a little superiority complex, if you will. and big h wants to eat your "keency" toes pretty much every minute of the day.
you go all day without a word. and then, around five o'clock in the afternoon, you announce to us that you've had enough. it's time for things to be about you now. move aside, big h. it's goo time. and we love that about you.
goo, you bring me more joy that i ever could have imagined. i love you with every ounce of my soul. thank you for becoming that missing part of our family. happy birthday, sweet gooey. here's to many more.
here's to you, sweet goo.