goo

(preface: no idea why the spacing is off. it's driving me nuts. but i can't fix it. ugh.)

goo. you turned for back in july. but we had *several* things going on back in july. well, really just one. one little 7#4 thing.

we had your birthday party at the neighborhood pool. we had pizza. all of your little friends came. we gave huge backyard bounce balls for party favors.

ten days later, you got a sister. and you decided you need to speak up for yourself and start having opinions.

sigh.

• you only want to wear pink and purple, preferably sparkly.
• want to wear the same thing everyday.
• you want to wear a tank top and skirt. and they never NEVER match. this has been a tough pill for me to swallow.
• you won't wear pants.
• you like to wear leggings as pants. with a shirt but not with a dress or skirt on top. i've had to put my foot down on that one.
• you like to wear character socks. even with your purple patent mary janes.
• you love polly pockets.
• you love my little ponies.
• you love to play with my iphone and are amazingly good at navigating your way through it.
• don't like to have hair brushed. at all. and i wish i could brush your hair. every. day. you have beautiful hair. beautiful color. curly but not too curly.
• you are a world-class fit pitcher. i won't elaborate.
• won't wear something just because you're supposed to. for example, when you had a hoedown at school, you refused to wear anything cowboy. no cowboys boots, no cowboy hats, no denim.
• you wear a size 6 in clothes, and a size 11 or 12 shoe.
• people always think you're much older than you are because you are very tall. dad and i aren't sure where that came from.
• you want to be three so you can go back to your old preschool class.
• you had a VERY HARD transition going back to school. even though this is your third year at the same school.
• you had a VERY HARD transition going back to church. we didn't go a whole lot this summer because of various reasons. but you had a really tough time getting back in the routine.
• you always have hair in your face. you look like cousin it all the time. and even when i put a bow in or ponytails, you end the day with hair in your face.
• you like the show timmy time. and fresh beat band. and doodle bops.
• you like to play tag but get mad if you're tagged.
• you play hide and seek but tell us where you're going to hide.
• you love your brother but get very frustrated with him. but you LOVE him. you want to be just like him. and do everything with him. you guys bicker a lot right now, but daddy and i are working on that.
• you love EK, and you have a voice that only gets used when you're with her. it's very high pitched, and all you say is, "uh huh. hi EK. yeah. you're so cute. uh huh. yeah."
• you love to say toesies.
• "muh" (pink blanket) still remains your very best friend. really, she's the only one who understands you.
• there are three types of stories you want daddy to tell you at night: princess, "buh-yuh-reena" (ballerina), or school.
• you love to draw and color (cuh-yer).
• you called crayons crare-runs.
• you like cereal and milk for breakfast. that's about all you'll eat for breakfast. sometimes a poptart. and donuts.
• you love "shower food." pickles, cherry tomatoes, mini corns, pepperoni, crackers, any and all fruit.
• you always want to get me a donut when you go with daddy and bigH. you want to get me a "hot one." (heart one. forever, daddy thought you meant krispy kreme.)
• you always want to do things "tomorrow." wear that tomorrow. have tickle day tomorrow. have your birthday tomorrow.
• when you like things, you say, "oh i YUB it." and you say "uh YOT" for a lot.
• you say things that don't make sense or go together. "mom, if i don't put that paper in my bag, i'm not going to be able to have ariel in the bathtub." so i say, "huh?" to you a lot.
• you always compliment me on my jewelry.
• you are a champion dilly-dallier.
• you have gorgeous eyes.
• i love to snuggle with you on the couch under the blanket when we watch something together.
• your friends are claire, georgia, ashlyn, ella, and seth.
• i love to watch you tip toe. it is freaking hysterical.
• you are very shy when we have people over. almost to the point of being rude. but it really is just you being shy.
• you love band-aids with every ounce of your being. in fact, sometimes you get up in the middle of the night, sneak into the bathroom, put on several, and go back to sleep. i wake up in the morning to band-aid wrappers all over the floor.
• you love fruits and vegetables. you love trees (broccoli), asparagus, carrots, corn, tomatoes, blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, apples, nectarines, grapes, cucumbers, bell peppers.
• you don't dress up like a princess as much anymore, which makes me sad. now, you just change your clothes multiple times a day, which makes me more sad. and not because you love fashion.
• when dad and i talk about you and how unique you are, we always just look at each other and say, "goo..."
• often when you are pitching a fit or are about to, i ask you to go to your room to find your happy place/face. then, you come out minutes later saying, "ok, well that's over. i have my happy face on." by that time i've had a drink.
• you like to sit in the back seat with bigH on fridays as something fun. and you always say before you ask if you can sit back there, "mom, i PROMISE i'll be kind to him." clearly, you've heard me ask that a time or two.
• you love sweets.
• you are always the one to pray before meal time. "dear jesus. thank you for this food. and let us all not get ouchies on our little toes with blood."

you're an amazing little girl. very bright. and you march to the beat of your own little drum. and God is teaching me that that will be a beautiful character trait later on. and i'm trusting Him on that. this year has been a trying time for you and me. but i pray everyday for so many things for you. for your precious spirit -- that i wouldn't crush it but rather encourage it. for your heart -- that you would truly learn kindness. for your spouse -- that he can keep up with you. for your friendships. for your words -- that you would honor Him in all you do and say. you are a piece of work. but i wouldn't have it any other way. you have given me so many grey hairs. but they are there for a reason. you are testing all of my mothering/parenting skills. but i appreciate you for it.

goo, i love you so much. you have blessed our life SO MUCH. i love that we're pals. i love that i'm starting to figure you out. it's taken me a while.

seven.

not sure where to begin. can't believe today is here. sad. happy. overwhelmed. proud.

you're seven.

you're in first grade.

you are a complete RAY. OF. SUNSHINE. all the time.

everyone who knows you, loves you.

tonight we had your birthday party. your lego birthday party. lego cupcakes. lego candy. lego remote control car race. lego building. lego bingo. and a trip to the lego store.

there are things i don't want to forget about you right now:

• for some reason, you have acquired a boston accent.
• you love anakin skywalker.
• your donut order at the (what i think is the gross) blue donut store is: one kolache not heated, one little sprinkle donut, one blue donut, and some blue donut holes.
• you don't like chick-fil-a anymore. which is insane.
• you are trying to learn how to tie your shoes. you can do the rabbit ears, but not the loop.
• you like to say "dude."
• you like to say "mom, you're going to freak out..."
• you tried spaghettios for the first time and liked them.
• you tried lasagna and liked it.
• you tried steak and pork tenderloin and liked them.
• you like to try to write your name in cursive.
• you know how to search on YouTube.
• you sleep with a lamp on.
• you love playing star wars on dad's playstation3.
• you know how to do more things electronically than nana.
• you know how to work the remote.
• you love wearing superhero jammies.
• you make your bed in the morning. not great. but you do it.
• you talk in your sleep. mostly about star wars.
• you like to sing, "everybody dance now" and "who let the dogs out."
• you like to watch fresh beat band, and dad and i DETEST that show and are very surprised you actually like it.
• you are incredibly sweet to goo, even though she's horrible to you sometimes.
• your favorite foods are: chocolate chip eggos, happy meals (especially when it features a new toy), mcdonalds for lunch, chipotle (even though you only get rice and cheese, and you like to order the cheese on the side so it doesn't melt), pasta with parmesan cheese, rice, chicken, mexican rice, fish sticks, popsicles
• your favorite superheroes are: batman, ironman, spiderman.
• your favorite dessert: hershey bar.
• your favorite drink: blue coconut slush from sonic.
• your favorite restaurants: chipotle, freebirds, mcdonalds.
• you love going to church.
• you never meet a stranger.
• you love going to school.
• you can build legos faster than any other males in our family.
• your favorite show: hero factory (for the record, i HATE hero factory). you also still like backyardigans
• you'll watch any show with goo just to be with her. but you'd never admit it.
• you love cheering for the baylor bears, ou sooners, and the green bay packers.
• you've only lost one bottom front tooth.
• you wear a size 7 in clothes, and a size 1 in shoes.
• you only wear button shirts to church or for a special occasion (i.e. i tell you to). :) you wear pants and a short-sleeve t-shirt everyday.
• you wear super hero socks.
• you have really great hair. people always comment on it.
• you wear the same shoes everyday. except on sunday, when you wear your church shoes.
• your friends love having you over, and your friends' parents love having you over. your kindergarten teacher (mrs. b) LOVED you and you guys still say hi to each other in the halls.
• you love going to get coffee and donuts with dad on saturday mornings.
• you are madly in love with EK. you constantly touch her face. she doesn't love this, but you don't care. you can't help it.
• you still sometimes get in our bed and snuggle with me when dad's gone. i'm going to miss the day when you don't snuggle.
• you give great hugs.
• you still love to be tucked in.
• you have more legos than anyone we know.
• you love to sing in the car.
• you sit in the back of the van now that EK is here. it makes me sad because i don't get to talk to you as much because you're so "far away."
• you still hold my hand when we cross the street. i'll miss the day when you don't do that.
• you rarely disobey. i say that with so much confidence because the one thing i say about you more than anything else is "he's just a great kid."
• daddy is your best friend.
• when you get "into" something, you learn everything about it. star wars, legos, superheroes, etc.
• you've gotten smiley faces on your behavior chart EVERYDAY since school started.
• you joined the running club at school this year.
• i've missed you since EK got here. i don't walk you to school anymore. daddy does. :(
• you are a reading maniac.
• you are a writing maniac.
• you are fascinated by math.
• you fall asleep in a matter of 3.7 seconds after your head hits the pillow. granted, it takes you hours for your head to actually hit the pillow.
• you help goo with her seatbelt. she hates that she needs help. but you do it everytime.
• you love to help. period.
• you entered this world at 6:39 in the morning. i think that's actually the latest you've ever woken up since then.
• you JUMP out of bed with a smile on your face and a song out of your mouth.
• if i ever ask you a favor, you ALWAYS say, "sure." but it sounds like "souer."

big h, i am madly in love with you. you are a JOY to be around. you are so agreeable. you love to help. i am honored to be your mommy. i pray daily that you'll come to know Jesus soon. i pray for your wife. i pray for your education. i pray for your current friends and teachers and future friends and teachers. i pray for your relationship with goo. i pray for your relationship with EK. i pray for your relationship with daddy. and i pray for your relationship with me.

i love you, buddy. more than you will ever know.

ek 3months

you are three months now. and i feel like so much has changed. you are very aware of your surroundings.

• you smile a lot. especially on your changing table.
• you got strep. the people at the pediatric urgent care could NOT believe it. as a two and a half year old. you're already a teacher's pet. overachiever.
• this one's big...you and i finally figured out the regular/normal nursing hold. hallelujah!
• still not a good nurser. and i get so frustrated/sad. we keep going/talking to the lactation nurse. most days i tell myself, "i'm SO done. so over this constant working at it. constantly worrying about what you're getting. screw it. i'm throwing in the towel." and then you go and have a good feeding, and it confuses me SO MUCH.
• don't like to nurse alert. would rather nurse sleepy.
• don't like to nap. granted, you don't have a lot of opportunities to do so. we're either taking your siblings to school or picking them up.
• sleep good at night. as in i feed you and put you to bed between 730-830, and i usually have to wake you up to take goo to school. at 845. rock freaking star.
• chubby. you have rubberband arms and legs. they are delicious.
• you have no hair. you probably won't until you turn three if you're like your sister.
• your brother and sister can NOT stop touching you.
• you smile when you're finished nursing. it's a fabulous smile.
• you still love to be swaddled when you sleep.
• can now recognize daddy and me.
• you smile ENORMOUS smiles.
• you like to shake-uh-shake-uh in the bathtub.
• you like the activity mat, with the musical light star.
• you're drooling a ton. lactation nurse and pediatrician believe it's teething. again with the overachieving. they also feel like that may be part of your nursing problem.
• you like to suck your thumb. you'd love to get your whole fist in there if you could.
• you do NOT like your car seat. have i mentioned that before?
• your fingers and toes are ALWAYS freezing cold.
• you like to bang your jaw right into dad's jaw right before he hands you over to me...just to make him feel bad.
• you like to sit in your pink bouncy while dad or i are making dinner. and you like to listen to itunes while sitting there.
• you love your changing table.
• when you smile, you are ALL GUMS.
• you wear a size 3 diaper.
• you wear 3-6 month clothes.
• as of the end of october, you weighed 14#8. chubby.
• dad loves zipper jammies. they're easy for him at night. though, you don't get up at night anymore.
• you have a great smile.
• you love your moby wrap
• you used to like to nurse on the right side more than the left. (the left side comes out a lot faster.) but now, i literally cross my fingers and pray that you'll eat well without starting to breathe fast, choke, get frustrated, and stop.
• we've seen the lactation nurse a lot. some days, i feel comfortable with your eating. other days...not so much.
• you are spitting up less these days.
• you like to go on walks in a stroller with us after dinner.
• you love being in the towel after your bath but do NOT like getting out of your towel and into your jammies.
• because you're alert a lot more these days, you cry a lot more. you're like your brother in that you don't really have a content state. you are either eating (which i'm constantly praying about), sleeping, or crying. or smiling on your changing table. :)

we love you so much. bigH and goo are starting to really interact with you more. and i love watching that. not that we want to wish this stage away, but life would get a lot easier if you'd start eating better. because you'd be happier, daddy would be more content, bigH and goo would enjoy you more. and i? would love it!

ek, you're the best!

you meeting your uncle (my brother) for the first time. clearly, you were thrilled.

the moby wrap. i know it LOOKS like you can't breathe, but i PROMISE. you LOVE it.

you. are. breathtaking.

two months

seriously? two months?

(sadly enough...as i'm writing this, you're already two and a half months. because september 30 kind of came and went. bless my heart.)

we love you, EK. what a blessing you are to our family. month two has been MUCH MORE of a challenge. but we are starting to figure you and life with you out. kind of.

bullet points from month two.

• mama had a root canal and a crown put on. good times. except no. not really at all.
• you and i took a road trip with nana to photograph a dear friend's birth. you do NOT like your carseat. a five hour road trip takes a lot longer with a baby who does NOT like her carseat.
• you did awesome during our little mini vacation. slept well. even took a bottle twice.
• did i mention how much you DON'T like your carseat?
• week 5 changed life for all of us. you started having a tough time nursing, which made mom sad. you too. but mom is committed. you are our the last baby in our little family, so i want to stick with it.
• we saw a lactation nurse together. she said you're doing great. gaining weight. having lots of wet and dirty diapers. and, of course, you nursed great at her office. show off. sigh.
• nursing is still a challenge. but when you do it well, you do it REALLY WELL. and i couldn't be happier.
• you've actually gotten some form of schedule. which makes us happy, especially daddy. daddy LOVES a schedule. you usually eat around 915 (after goo has been dropped off at school). then, you and i watch the today show and hoda and kathie lee. you lay on your back and coo and smile. which is new. and i LOVE it. then, i put you down for a nap. you don't nap so well yet, but we'll work on it. then i feed you around noonish. then, about 145, we get in the car to go get goo. then, we pick up bigH at 245. we head home, and i feed you in the living room while bigH and goo have room time. then, your nighttime is where things get a little tricky. if we're home, you do ok until about 530-ish. we like to eat between 530 and 6, so this is hard. we're not ready to put you down at 6 or 630, so we usually just hold you and love on you. and then when your brother and sister are in the bath, we put you in your little (actually HUGE) bathtub. and you freak out for about two seconds. and then it's obvious how much you love it. ahhh. then, i get you out of the bath while daddy bathes the other two. you hate getting out, and you cry a LOT. we get your jammies on, head back into my room, and you eat and get very relaxed. once you're finished with both sides, i lay you on the blanket with blue stars (that i got at my shower) and swaddle you as tight as possible and carry you to your room. it takes you a long time to eat, so i am usually carrying you back around 730 or 8. and then...you sleep for a long time. sometimes until 2 or 3. other times until 5-ish. and your "night" feeding is the best one. daddy goes to get you and changes your diaper and brings you to me. no one is awake but you and me. it's quiet and dark. and i wouldn't change a thing. you eat so well. so peacefully. no distractions. no interruptions. just you and me. you only eat one side, and swaddle you back up and take you to your room. and when my head hits the pillow, that's the best sleep i get. ahhh. then you wake back up for the day around 8. have i mentioned how much we love that you are sort of on a schedule? sadly enough, you don't get many planned naps in your bed because we are in the car going to get your siblings from things.
• your toes are always freezing, but socks don't stay on. so i always put them in the crook of my elbow, and i say, "brrr...cold toes." i'm weird. and you're stuck with me. and so are the other two.
• your BMs make me so happy. not just because i know it means you're healthy. but the smell and consistency is so intriguing. i know. i'm strange.
• your brother and sister are madly in love with you. goo has this EK voice that she only uses when she talks to you. and it's so high pitched. and she just repeats, "yeah. hi EK. yeah. uh huh. hi. uh huh." it's so funny. and they LOVE to get RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. not sure how much you love that. but just know that they love you.
• you like to be held up on our shoulder. not cradled. i repeat NOT CRADLED.
• you spit up a LOT. seriously. a LOT. sometimes it's fresh from the feeding. sometimes it's, well, not so fresh. but i refuse to admit that you have reflux. bigH got diagnosed with reflux when he was five weeks old. i'm probably in denial.
• you've definitely "woken up." and you cry a lot more than you did in your first month. sometimes it seems like you can't get comfortable. we're waiting for that magic time. you know the one. no? it'll come. surely, it'll come.
• you're gassy. but mylicon doesn't really do the trick.
• the FIRST (and sometmes only) thing people comment on is your cheeks. you have DELICIOUS cheeks that are enormous.
• you really like jack johnson. i've noticed that when we're together, just you and me, you calm down when you hear his music. (secret: so do i.) and actually, you like music. period. you love to be in your music with my iphone next to you on shuffle.
• you get really mad if you come out of your swaddle.
• mom has basically given up caffeine for a while. it seems like you don't like it very much. and so...for you, my dear. i still cheat once in a while. but we're talking a DP once a week, if that. that is HUGE, ek.
• bigH wants to add "she's a sleepy head. and she's cute. that's an easy one."
• goo wants to add "she cries to talk. that's how babies talk. she's just talking."
• and daddy and i want to add "we love the heck out of you. thanks for completing our family."

one of your first smiles.

boomer sooner. this is what you wore on OU/tu game day. and OU won. this is why you're smiling.

this is how you sleep. just like your brother. cannot get enough of it. see the cheeks? delicious.

when we went to our friend jenny's house. she put a bow on your head. clearly, you weren't in love with the accessory.

on our road trip. you are WAY happy in the mornings.

surprisingly, you are the only wisner who has ever liked the bouncy. this is your "word up" sign. you do this with your hands/fingers all the time.

like i said, i cannot get enough of how you sleep.

mommy's friend heather sent this to you. you rocked out your pink and black. sassy.

i hardly ever let your brother or sister sleep on me. you? go right ahead. (but you are HOT. see my cheeks? on fire. but i wouldn't trade it for anything.)

the BEST way to spend a sunday afternoon.

you and your swaddle.

we are so glad you are part of our family. love you, ek.

happy birthday sweet buz...

this is from several years ago. but is still so true. even after THREE KIDS. i love you so much, babe.

for the record, i would totally date you in the dark.

http://lifewiththewisners.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-sweet-buz.html

seriously? one month?

i can't believe you are ONE MONTH OLD. you are my little baby. weren't you just born yesterday?

i can't believe we've been home for four weeks.

life is normal. our new normal. normal with three kids. bigH, goo, and "the baby." that's you.

first of all, EK, you are breathtaking. absolutely beautiful. EVERYONE comments on just how much you look like your daddy. take that as a compliment. your daddy is one handsome man. and your sister looks like your daddy too. which means you're probably going to look a LOT like goo.

and let me state for the record...goo is beautiful. big, blue eyes. beautiful wavy hair. and a face to die for.

i'm not going to lie. being home has been difficult. we've had our share of challenges.

in a nutshell:

• you slept ALL. THE. TIME. when you first got home. and everyone would tell us how wonderful that must be. yeah. no. not when i'm nursing. and you would NEVER wake up. breastfeeding: supply and demand. when you didn't demand anything, there was no supply. and guess what happens when you're less than two weeks old and mom has no supply? mama gets WAY STRESSED. guess what happens when mama gets stressed? more supply issues. i read the bottle of my pain meds, and it said that they may cause drowsiness. so...i proceeded to stop taking those. because i didn't need anything helping you stay asleep.
• mama has a history of "bowel issues," shall we say, after delivery. i've had these issues with all three deliveries. issues that bring daddy and me closer together. closer than we'd prefer. very unpleasant. but 4 weeks out, i'm happy to announce those issues are gone.
• one of the days i was in the hospital, i noticed a rash on my belly. and it covered my ENTIRE belly. from my incision up to my chest. it was a nuisance. kind of itched. but i didn't think too much about it. i asked my nurse about it, and she suggested maybe i put some hydrocortisone on it when i got home. noted. fast forward a couple of days. the day after i decided to stop my pain meds, i noticed the rash again. but this time, it was a bit inflamed. and was starting to itch. that night, in the middle of the night, the rash? was OH MY WORD ITCHING. and so because i'm smart, i SCRATCHED LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. i'll be honest, it felt so incredibly good. ahhhh.... guess what did NOT feel good the next morning? the rash. i could not. stop. itching. and it had gotten so inflamed. and when i nursed (with the nursing pillow), the pillow would touch my rash, and i would literally go over the edge. i couldn't handle it. finally, i called the OBGYN on call that day and asked. she suggested hydrocortisone (go figure) and oral benadryl. remember the part about EK sleeping all the time? guessing benadryl wasn't going to help matters. but it was either that or me admitting myself to the looney bin. that was a sunday. didn't feel better. monday morning, i called and got an appointment. two of my freaking awesome friends took bigH and goo for the day. i still couldn't drive. so i called my dad who took me to my appointment. i'll be honest. i would've rather spent my first day alone with EK NOT at the doctor or pharmacy. my OB prescribed a prescription strength hydrocortisone and told me oral benadryl every FOUR hours, not six. (he also referred to my rash as "impressive" and told his colleague that it was the worst rash he'd ever seen.) remember EK sleeping all the time? i didn't care. i also asked my OB if he could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds. because i was ONE SCRATCH AWAY FROM THE PSYCH WARD. seriously, people, i don't know when i've ever been that uncomfortable. i was a MESS. finally, SIX DAYS LATER, the rash started to go away. and i was a new woman.

i have some amazing friends. we have gotten random gifts in the mail from friends we haven't heard from in ages. we have gotten cards and emails. everyone seems so excited for us that EK is here.

something way fun for mama? her best friend kelly came in town for a visit. over my birthday. she came in on wednesday, the 18th. we put her right to work. we had lunch and headed out to buy school shoes. goo is a tough nut to crack these days (to put it mildly), and i dropped kelly and goo off at the shoe store, and goo walked right in with her, holding her hand. no problem. they came out, shoes in hand.

we had an awesome time having kelly here. there were NEVER dishes in the dishwasher. there were never clothes in the hamper. i always had someone to hang out. goo gave her a run for her money. we drank plenty of dr pepper. we ate plenty of sour patch kids and gummy bears. it was perfection.

our schedule right now is a nice one. daddy takes bigH to school at 715. you, goo, and i sleep until about 8 or 9. i feed you and your sister watches some form of PBS Kids or wow wow wubbzy. then, we eat breakfast, and you hang out in your little papasan chair. i do my best to clean up for the morning and play with goo. then, i feed you around noon. then, goo and i have lunch. and somehow it's 215, and it's time to start getting ready to get bigH. he gets out at 245, but we walk to his school. but it takes your sister SO LONG to do much these days, so i have to start getting her ready very early. we get bigH and come home. they have room time. i feed you between 3-4. then, once bigH and goo are done with room time, they get "mom and dad room time" if they have a good day with no issues. mom and dad room time means bigH gets to play playstation for 30 minutes and goo gets to play computer for 30 minutes. that time is when you and i just hang out. we get ready for dinner and pick up the kitchen and check the mail.

and then...the witching hour begins. oh sweet EK. you have a tough time between 5-ish and 9-ish. part of it is we don't know when to feed you and when to "put you down." you love your bath. and we normally bathe you when bigH and goo take their bath. you love to be wrapped in a warm towel. then, daddy reads stories to your brother and sister and puts them to bed. i bring you in my room in just your diaper and feed you on one side. once you're finished, i put your jammies on and feed you on the other side. once you're sleepy and finished, i swaddle you as tight as possible. (fyi: i am an expert swaddler.) then i carry you in your room and put you in your positioner.

and then i pray. no, seriously. i pray. "dear Jesus. please let her sleep well for now."

typically, you sleep about 4 hours. then, daddy goes to get you. he changes your diaper and brings you to me. i'm up and ready to feed you. sometimes daddy and i have fun conversations. sometimes we're really sleepy. once you're finished, i swaddle you up and take you back. usually, you sleep 4-5 hour time stretches. you're a good sleeper at night.

you're having a really hard time right now with your nursing. you definitely have gas because your face gets red while you eat. and you spit up all the time. this has all happened within the last week. it makes me sad.

so this week, you and i are off to meet a lactation consultant to see what we can do to keep our nursing down pat. because i love you a whole bunch and i'm ready to work hard to make sure we can keep this up.

fun tidbits:

• you scare daddy in the middle of the night when you toot. literally. he jumps. attagirl.
• you purposefully won't put your left foot in your jammies. just to annoy daddy. attagirl.
• you've started opening your eyes a lot more, and WOW. you're going to be a knock out. just like goo.
• you have insanely cute toes. just like your siblings.
• you give daddy about ten seconds before you get fidgety and start rooting. before you realize he's not me and doesn't have the goods.
• you are starting to get cheeks. which is good because your siblings had awesome chubby cheeks as infants.
• speaking of your siblings, OH MY WORD, they LOVE you. even goo. she says everything about you is cute. they both love kissing you and singing "if you're happy and you know it."

we love you, EK. we are so glad you're finally here and already can't imagine our life without you in it.

see? you're starting to get cheeks. love.

your first wisner family friday night movie night.

goo loving on you.

the moby wrap. oh, how you love the moby wrap.

goo loves making sure you always have lovies. always.

you are a beauty.

oh, how these two ADORE you.

another person who adores you? dr. g is so pumped that you're here.

you had a bandaid on your head for almost your entire first month. i had to make sure and capture it before it came off.

oh my goodness, your hiney. delicious.

tacky? probably. but so much fun.

she takes her job as big sister VERY SERIOUSLY. and she also doesn't like brushes.

she loves playing the iPhone with you. sometimes you don't care for it so much.

this was an unbelievable moment for all of us. when we realized she actually liked you.

another one.

EK has arrived

as usual...you might want to grab a dr pepper or a caffeinated beverage of your choice. because this will not be brief. i don't want it to be. and for EK's sake, it shouldn't be. there's a potential for a lot of pictures as well. if i get my act together tonight. though that's up in the air at this point.

i'm sitting here on a friday night, listening to buz play playstation in the background. and my THREE kids are asleep at the same time. and i don't know how to let that soak in.

i just checked in on big h's room, and there he was, asleep in his ironman2 jammies with his two build-a-bears next to him. he looked so big and yet so small.

i checked on goo on the monitor. (because we still have a monitor in her room. we're sneaky and nosy like that.) and there she was, asleep in her tinkerbell jammie top and ariel jammie bottom. heaven forbid if her jammies actually, you know, matched. and in her bed was...honestly, i don't know what WASN'T in her bed. her purple and pink unicorn pillow pet. her three build-a-bears that are all either wearing princess dresses or ballerina tutus. and every. last. stuffed. thing. that she owns. but...alas, she is asleep.

and then. i looked on ANOTHER monitor where sweet EK sleeps. all swaddled as tightly as possible. with her head to one side like her older brother used to sleep.

and my heart is full. and i can't believe my life is so rich.

i want "doodle" to know her birth story. and this is the only place i'll actually record it.

i had so many things planned before her arrival. it was almost like christmas season. we had play dates with people we hadn't seen in ages. i had text after text from people wanting to know how i was feeling and if there was anything i needed. we went swimming a lot. we went and saw movies at the movie theater. just because we could. i took pictures of my belly in relation to wherever we were. at dinner. at the computer. sitting with goo. writing thank you notes. you name it, my belly was with it. i had started going to the OB every week, and i loved it. love my OB so much. i had so much fun being pregnant. wearing maternity clothes. feeling the baby move inside. watching the baby move. talking to H and G about the baby coming.

my delivery date was scheduled for thursday, july 29 in the afternoon but was rescheduled at the last minute for friday, july 30 in the morning.

thursday, we had lunch with bigH's kindergarten teacher, mrs. b. originally, we were going to eat at purple cow because it's yummy. but her response to that was, "hmmm...i would've thought we would've eaten at chipotle because it's bigH's favorite restaurant." have i mentioned just. how. much. i LOVE mrs. b? no? because i freaking LOVE mrs. b. so we ate at chipotle. and to my surprise, my kids were TOTAL HELLIONS. i was mortified. but i just repeatedly used the line, "we don't get out much." and that seemed to do the trick for a couple of minutes. we left and headed straight for the movie theater to meet dad to see despicable me. i got to sit with goo on my "lap" most of the movie, which was sheer joy. when the movie was over, buz took them home, and i headed to my ultra fancy pregnancy massage and pedicure. oh my word, talk about luxury. i should do that more often. if only i had unlimited funds. it was incredible. then, i met up with buz at one of my favorite restaurants, and we had a SIT DOWN dinner. we did NOT know what to do with ourselves. we talked and laughed, and i just stared at him. man, my husband is the cat's meow and is SO NICE TO LOOK AT. wow. then, we walked around the mall for a little bit. we had gotten a hotel room for that night for several reasons. my parents were staying at my house in our room, so technically we didn't have anywhere to sleep anyway. :) but also, we had to be at the hospital at 530 in the morning, and we wanted to be able to get up and get ready without tiptoeing.

we could hardly sleep. buz could more than me. but i slept at 30 minute intervals. again...christmas eve for me. and for the record, we were still discussing boy names. at 1030 that night. we couldn't decide if that meant we were definitely having a boy because we didn't have anything ready. or if we were definitely having a girl because clearly, we were ready for her. ???

we woke up friday morning at 4. i took my shower and dried my hair and had a lot of energy. a LOT for ME at 4 in the morning. we got there (not surprisingly) too early. we checked in, got my hospital band, filled out 1438 forms, signing my life away. and she took us to our little observation room C. i got changed into my rockin hospital gown and we were introduced to our labor and delivery nurse, who would only be with us until 7. little did we know how rad she'd be. we had a great morning with her. (um, we're facebook friends with her now. love social media.)

we were later introduced to the nurse who would actually be in delivery with us. she was hand-picked. one of the benefits of working at a hospital and knowing people...i've known all my L&D nurses or had them hand-picked for me. she was incredible. sweet, gentle, kind. we then met my anesthesiologist (who, by the way, was easy on the eyes. i'm just sayin.) and our anesthesia nurse, anesthesia ann. anesthesia ann has been around the block a time or two. she was hard core, and i LOVED her. finally, i got ready to be wheeled back to the OR.

and funny side note: the nurse who had to get my IV in was my early morning L&D nurse when i had goo. so fun.

it was when we actually got IN the OR that i finally got scared/nervous. very bright lights. a lot of people working to get things ready for me. a lot of instruments that would be used on me. a lot of people behind masks. the very definite smell of alcohol. music. and i saw my anesthesiologist and anesthesiology nurse. and then i saw my OB. who looks a LOT different in scrubs than he does on a regular 'ol tuesday afternoon in the office. and we were ready for the epidural/spinal. i had two back surgeries as a kid, so regular epidurals don't work for/with me. so i have something different, and i always have to tell my surgery "story" so they know exactly what to do. i made sure i told everyone that i was officially nervous.

and everyone talked about someone specific on so you think you can dance. and the OB assisting my OB with the surgery apparently watches it. and so does the anesthesiologist. but he is a closet fan. and my nurse watches it. but i talked to my OB who does NOT watch it. and neither do i. useless information.

and then i was ready. for the spinal. to put my legs on one side of the gurney. to hug the pillow. to lean forward into my cute little nurse (who by the way is 4'11). and to breathe deeply. wow, it hurt. a lot. and it seemed to take a long time. i don't think it did. but it felt like it took a sweet forever. and i was supposed to tell him each time i could feel any pressure. which was a lot. i could've sworn i was going to fall on top of my 4'11 cute nurse and pummel her to the ground. which, i think, would've started the surgery off on the wrong foot.

that part was finally over. they laid me down, and everything started to progress. and all of the sudden, i couldn't breathe. i yelled the name of anesthesia ann and the anesthesiologist (who requested i call him by his first name). i told them i couldn't breathe. something was pressing on my chest and i couldn't get a good deep breath. i was so scared. really scared. buz wasn't in the OR yet. honestly, i don't remember the last time i was that fearful. they continued to tell me that my levels were perfect and that i WAS breathing and doing a great job at it. they told me this over and over again while placing oxygen on my face. and then...all of the sudden, i felt like i could breathe again. and then anesthesia ann started having fun conversations with me. like where she wanted to go shopping after her shift was over. and what mall was closest. and what time did it open. and what was my favorite store at that mall.

and who knew??? when i get scared/nervous, i start talking. a lot. i know you can't believe it. but i do. i mean, i started talking. a LOT.

finally, i heard buz come in, and he sat right next to my face. my OB and his partner (who i've come to really like a LOT) were there and said they were going to get started.

things seemed to start. and i could tell we were going to have a baby any minute. that fun anxiety.

mind you -- we didn't know the gender of our baby.

i finally felt like something was different. like baby was out. and they called a time. 808. i thought to myself, "how cute. 808. what a fun time. easy to remember."

and then i didn't hear anything else. and i heard very faintly 809, 810, 811, 812.

and i knew this wasn't good.

and then, the revealing of my baby's gender came by way of "she's just floppy. we're going to bag her and get her breathing."

i tried not to freak out. and enter my FREAKING AWESOME RAD HUSBAND. who basically just told me things (white lies) like "they're just cleaning her" and "they're just getting her all warm" and "you did so great and i am so proud of you."

but i knew.

i knew something wasn't right.

and then...

i heard her. HER. my DAUGHTER. i heard my daughter cry. and i started to cry. because she was ok. and i didn't care about the fact that no one declared in glory "IT'S A GIRL." because i cared more that someone said, "there. now she's breathing."

and buz went over to see her and kept coming over to me, reporting how great she looked and how cute she was. i was elated.

for those of you in health care, her apgars were 2/7.

i know.

and then the NICU doctor came over to introduce herself to us. SCARY. to let us know that EK had experienced a substantial amount of trouble breathing on her own at first. and that if she experienced anything like that again, she would be transferred to the NICU.

but everyone kept telling me how great she was doing. and how great she looked. and one of the nurses even brought her over to buz and me to let me look at her. and oh...her beauty. i wanted to touch her and hold her. but i kissed her and knew she needed to be taken care of. by medical professionals. i would have my time with her.

her.

they finished sewing me up, and i continued to talk. seriously...someone make me stop talking. like i know these people personally or something. i talked to anesthesia ann about going to the local mall and the fact that she was wearing a university of texas lanyard holding her name badge and that i was sorry that i made a comment about it since i'm an OU fan. and i thanked the anesthesiologist for letting me call him by his first name. and yes, i may have let him in on the secret that i thought he was nice looking. nice. i'm classy like that. and i talked to my OB about who knows what? have i mentioned how much i continued to talk? oh my goodness.

the NICU doc came to talk to us again. about EK. and how she was doing. it looked like she didn't breathe for the first four and a half minutes. apparently, she was very high up and comfortable inside mama. so she took a while to get used to the idea of being on the outside. the NICU doc said she looked much better, had a great color, was breathing well, and would not need to go to the NICU unless something changed with her breathing. she congratulated me and congratulated buz on the birth of our daughter. she was the first person to say the word daughter. ten minutes before, i was afraid of that woman. now, ten minutes later, i loved her. i thanked her for all of her help taking care of my daughter. honestly, i didn't know what she did to help EK, but i know she did everything she knew to help her.

buz went with EK up the nursery to watch her take her first bath and for them to do all the testing they needed to do with her. i stayed with my sweet nurse. all of the people in the OR helped me transfer from the operating table back to my gurney. i'll be honest...i felt like a farm animal at a vet's office. i couldn't feel a single thing and they all literally just rolled me onto a different bed. very, VERY humbling. but they did so with grace and dignity. which i very much appreciated.

and in true fashion, i thanked everyone for a good time and that i had appreciated all that they had done. and i told dr. b to have a good day and that i would see him later. and to tell his wife hi? um, i've never met his wife. ahem.

i got wheeled back to my observation room C. where i talked to my cute nurse and anesthesiology nurse for a while. i was SO RELAXED. i couldn't feel my legs. and my arms were dead weight. and it all felt surprisingly good. like it was over. she was ok. she was with people she knew. buz had gone to the waiting room where my mom, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece and nephew were. he was going to tell them baby was here. but he was going to bring them into my room, so i could tell them the gender and name and how everything went. apparently, when he got to the waiting room, he said, "mom and baby are fine" and then started tearing up. in the twelve years i've known buz, i've seen him cry twice. this being the third time. he came back into my room to let me know he had told them, and the first thing i noticed were his red eyes. i thought surely something was wrong. he told me that everything had finally hit him when he said the words, "mom and baby are fine." then, he mentioned something about how cute EK's toes were. i kept asking, "what's wrong" over and over again because why would he be crying. he assured me nothing was wrong but that the moment caught up with him.

my mom came into the room. i told her it was a girl and what her name was, and i started crying. guess the same thing happened to me.

then, my BIL and SIL came in, and i told them about how the morning had gone and finally told them the gender and name.

both conversations were sweet. and very meaningful to me. and then everyone went upstairs to the nursery to watch her and look at her.

and all of the sudden, my cell phone rang, and it was my brother and his family who were vacationing in wyoming. i told them and i could hear my two nieces in the back say, "we KNEW it was a girl." it was fun to talk to him for a minute. man, i love him. a LOT.

finally, i was wheeled upstairs to look at her in the nursery. she looked beautiful. beautiful hair. beautiful body. beautiful face. beautiful features. and i just looked at her. and marveled at how the Lord can create such an intimate and detailed and complicated being who is such a gorgeous masterpiece. then, they wheeled me to my postpartum room.

once again, i got moved like a farm animal from my gurney to my postpartum bed.

soon after, i heard that my dad and kids were here. my dad hadn't wanted me to tell him anything about the baby, other than "it" was here. he wanted to hear the gender and name along with bigH and goo.

i heard them outside the door. i heard bigH say, "i see the baby! i see mommy holding the baby!!!!" they came in, and bigH immediately said, "so, is it a boy?"

i had no idea how to handle that question. so i did the best i could and said, "it's a girl! are you excited?!" and he responded with, "oh mama, look at her cute fingernails!" and i knew everything would be ok with him.

i was worried about goo's response, no matter the gender. all she said was, "oh what a cute yittle bandaid." (EK had a little laceration on the side of her head, and they had used a little steristrip on it.) and then she just wanted to color. figured.

and that was their reaction to her. and surprisingly, it had gone better than i had expected. so i was happy. and so we all sat/stood/laid in my postpartum room looking at her and enjoying the moment.

my BIL and SIL and niece and nephew headed out, along with my mom, dad, bigH, and goo. and all of the sudden, it was just EK, buz, and me. and i couldn't believe it. here was our third child. who was here. who was safe. who was breathtaking.

i met my day mom nurse and my day baby nurse. and it was so fun because i recognized my baby nurse from when i used to work there. and she remembered me. and it felt like i was among friends. and literally, all i remember about the rest of friday was texting people and calling people and having the phone in my hand constantly and being elated at the news i was getting to share. i was tired because i hadn't slept the night before but oh my, the adrenaline.

that night, two of my buddies came to visit. one was a friend from bigH and goo's preschool. and one was one of our closest friends, and the whole family came.

over the the next several days, we had visitors and wonderful nurses. wonderful day nurses for EK and for me and wonderful night nurses for EK and for me. some were new to us, and some we remembered from either when i worked there or when i had bigH or goo. we had great lactation nurses who were willing to help us feed EK, who by the way, is the best eater out of our three kids.

my OB was off for several days after our delivery, but we saw the other OBs in his practice. and he also personally called me everyday to check on me. please, PLEASE tell me i've mentioned once or 672 times how fabulous my OB is. (by the way, now he's just my gynecologist. sad.)

monday was a tough day. we had a tough day with EK losing some of her birth weight. she also failed her hearing screen three different times, which meant we'd have to bring her in as an outpatient. we just had several different things that were frustrating. so if you called or came by that day, we're/i'm really sorry. i was not very pleasant. BUT...the Lord knows exactly what we need when we need it. in the course of about two hours, i had my bff just drop in bringing jersey mike's for buz and me. homegirl speaks my love language. i had one of my good buddies who's become even closer lately stop by (with her mom -- sorry jenny's mom for my uncontrollable tears) just to see EK and bring some freaking fabulous hand-me-downs and hang out. AND i got to meet a twitter friend of a friend who i'd been dying to meet for some time. AND she brought Sonic DPs for buz and me. and a freaking awesome babyGap outfit for EK. did i mention we had never met? and she came to the hospital. and we hugged. and she gave EK baby love. and got to see me looking ultra fabulous (insert sarcasm). and that was monday. remember when i said monday was our worst day? i love when God works like that. He knew what we needed. and when we had no visitors, buz, EK, and i got to be together. and enjoy our quiet time together.

tuesday was going home day. i was nervous. excited, but nervous. i know there are plenty of people who don't share my view, but everything seems safe in the hospital. easy. if you have a question, you push a button, and someone comes to your aid. if your stomach hurts, you push a button, and medicine comes through an IV. the first time you get out of bed, and you're lightheaded, and you're afraid you're going to slip and fall, you...wait for it...PUSH A BUTTON. and miraculously, a patient care tech comes to your room and helps you up AND to your first shower. (and you SO don't care that someone you don't know is seeing you in ALL YOUR GLORY).

and guess what happens when you go home? there is no button. and the two other kids who've been taken care of and treated to days of neverending entertainment by nana and papa? yeah, they're at your house. waiting to hear what fun things you're going to come up with. and nana and papa? they go home to sleep. for days. because they're 60+ and not used to taking care of a 4yo and almost 7yo nonstop.

more to come re: life at home.

but for now?

EK, we can't imagine you not being with us. we can't imagine life with only two kids. we can't imagine not knowing what it's like to see your brother and sister fall madly in love with you in a matter of seconds.

we love you more than you will ever know. and we are so excited to be your mommy and daddy. welcome to the world, EK.

papa getting some lovin.

nana gettin' some too.

big h, goo, daddy, uncle rick (daddy's brother), aunt tanna.

you...hours old.

our first family picture.

daddy asking your brother and sister if they were ready to come meet you.

one of THE BEST night nurses around. buz and i LOVED her. we got to have her our last two nights.

our cute L&D nurse.

my cute twitter friend i had just met about forty-five minutes before this was taken. (thought: wow, i look like a HOUSE standing next to my new, cute little petite friend.)

buz and i were strongly entertaining moving shortly after EK was born but the Lord kept us here. while we were entertaining this idea, i had decided to invite some of my closest friends to the hospital for a pajama pizza party. once we decided to stay in dallas, i decided that the pajama pizza party needed to happen anyway. some girls were missing. but OH MY WORD, it was the best night. so incredibly blessed to have such amazing women in my life. (bff, why were you not in this picture?)

one of mommy's favorite nurses. we were blessed to have her for THREE NIGHTS. bliss.

bigH showing you one of his new legos. this will NOT be the last time, i assure you.

of COURSE your babysitter came to visit. wouldn't be right without her.

one of dr. b's partners. we LOVE dr. a. she helped deliver goo. she is fabulous!!

one of our night nurses.

we made sure you got to look at bigH and goo everyday.

this stuff was the BOMB.COM while i was on my clear liquids diet. oh my word, DELICIOUS. (except they don't carry the watermelon flavor i remember from having bigH or goo. still.) along with the hospital beef broth. yummy.

you and your daddy.

the BEST PCT ever. she knows your brother and sister so well. and daddy and i LOVE her.

the three of us alone together. just getting to know each other.

you were/are delicious. just look at you.

my last picture of us together before i met you. notice daddy's shoes. those are his birthing shoes. he has worn them for the birth of all three of his kids. love him.

the forecast for while we were in the hospital. why, EK, do we live in dallas?

they could NOT get enough of you.

your sister didn't want to be in this picture. NOT surprising.

you started sucking your fingers right from the get go.