seriously? one month?

i can't believe you are ONE MONTH OLD. you are my little baby. weren't you just born yesterday?

i can't believe we've been home for four weeks.

life is normal. our new normal. normal with three kids. bigH, goo, and "the baby." that's you.

first of all, EK, you are breathtaking. absolutely beautiful. EVERYONE comments on just how much you look like your daddy. take that as a compliment. your daddy is one handsome man. and your sister looks like your daddy too. which means you're probably going to look a LOT like goo.

and let me state for the record...goo is beautiful. big, blue eyes. beautiful wavy hair. and a face to die for.

i'm not going to lie. being home has been difficult. we've had our share of challenges.

in a nutshell:

• you slept ALL. THE. TIME. when you first got home. and everyone would tell us how wonderful that must be. yeah. no. not when i'm nursing. and you would NEVER wake up. breastfeeding: supply and demand. when you didn't demand anything, there was no supply. and guess what happens when you're less than two weeks old and mom has no supply? mama gets WAY STRESSED. guess what happens when mama gets stressed? more supply issues. i read the bottle of my pain meds, and it said that they may cause drowsiness. so...i proceeded to stop taking those. because i didn't need anything helping you stay asleep.
• mama has a history of "bowel issues," shall we say, after delivery. i've had these issues with all three deliveries. issues that bring daddy and me closer together. closer than we'd prefer. very unpleasant. but 4 weeks out, i'm happy to announce those issues are gone.
• one of the days i was in the hospital, i noticed a rash on my belly. and it covered my ENTIRE belly. from my incision up to my chest. it was a nuisance. kind of itched. but i didn't think too much about it. i asked my nurse about it, and she suggested maybe i put some hydrocortisone on it when i got home. noted. fast forward a couple of days. the day after i decided to stop my pain meds, i noticed the rash again. but this time, it was a bit inflamed. and was starting to itch. that night, in the middle of the night, the rash? was OH MY WORD ITCHING. and so because i'm smart, i SCRATCHED LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. i'll be honest, it felt so incredibly good. ahhhh.... guess what did NOT feel good the next morning? the rash. i could not. stop. itching. and it had gotten so inflamed. and when i nursed (with the nursing pillow), the pillow would touch my rash, and i would literally go over the edge. i couldn't handle it. finally, i called the OBGYN on call that day and asked. she suggested hydrocortisone (go figure) and oral benadryl. remember the part about EK sleeping all the time? guessing benadryl wasn't going to help matters. but it was either that or me admitting myself to the looney bin. that was a sunday. didn't feel better. monday morning, i called and got an appointment. two of my freaking awesome friends took bigH and goo for the day. i still couldn't drive. so i called my dad who took me to my appointment. i'll be honest. i would've rather spent my first day alone with EK NOT at the doctor or pharmacy. my OB prescribed a prescription strength hydrocortisone and told me oral benadryl every FOUR hours, not six. (he also referred to my rash as "impressive" and told his colleague that it was the worst rash he'd ever seen.) remember EK sleeping all the time? i didn't care. i also asked my OB if he could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds. because i was ONE SCRATCH AWAY FROM THE PSYCH WARD. seriously, people, i don't know when i've ever been that uncomfortable. i was a MESS. finally, SIX DAYS LATER, the rash started to go away. and i was a new woman.

i have some amazing friends. we have gotten random gifts in the mail from friends we haven't heard from in ages. we have gotten cards and emails. everyone seems so excited for us that EK is here.

something way fun for mama? her best friend kelly came in town for a visit. over my birthday. she came in on wednesday, the 18th. we put her right to work. we had lunch and headed out to buy school shoes. goo is a tough nut to crack these days (to put it mildly), and i dropped kelly and goo off at the shoe store, and goo walked right in with her, holding her hand. no problem. they came out, shoes in hand.

we had an awesome time having kelly here. there were NEVER dishes in the dishwasher. there were never clothes in the hamper. i always had someone to hang out. goo gave her a run for her money. we drank plenty of dr pepper. we ate plenty of sour patch kids and gummy bears. it was perfection.

our schedule right now is a nice one. daddy takes bigH to school at 715. you, goo, and i sleep until about 8 or 9. i feed you and your sister watches some form of PBS Kids or wow wow wubbzy. then, we eat breakfast, and you hang out in your little papasan chair. i do my best to clean up for the morning and play with goo. then, i feed you around noon. then, goo and i have lunch. and somehow it's 215, and it's time to start getting ready to get bigH. he gets out at 245, but we walk to his school. but it takes your sister SO LONG to do much these days, so i have to start getting her ready very early. we get bigH and come home. they have room time. i feed you between 3-4. then, once bigH and goo are done with room time, they get "mom and dad room time" if they have a good day with no issues. mom and dad room time means bigH gets to play playstation for 30 minutes and goo gets to play computer for 30 minutes. that time is when you and i just hang out. we get ready for dinner and pick up the kitchen and check the mail.

and then...the witching hour begins. oh sweet EK. you have a tough time between 5-ish and 9-ish. part of it is we don't know when to feed you and when to "put you down." you love your bath. and we normally bathe you when bigH and goo take their bath. you love to be wrapped in a warm towel. then, daddy reads stories to your brother and sister and puts them to bed. i bring you in my room in just your diaper and feed you on one side. once you're finished, i put your jammies on and feed you on the other side. once you're sleepy and finished, i swaddle you as tight as possible. (fyi: i am an expert swaddler.) then i carry you in your room and put you in your positioner.

and then i pray. no, seriously. i pray. "dear Jesus. please let her sleep well for now."

typically, you sleep about 4 hours. then, daddy goes to get you. he changes your diaper and brings you to me. i'm up and ready to feed you. sometimes daddy and i have fun conversations. sometimes we're really sleepy. once you're finished, i swaddle you up and take you back. usually, you sleep 4-5 hour time stretches. you're a good sleeper at night.

you're having a really hard time right now with your nursing. you definitely have gas because your face gets red while you eat. and you spit up all the time. this has all happened within the last week. it makes me sad.

so this week, you and i are off to meet a lactation consultant to see what we can do to keep our nursing down pat. because i love you a whole bunch and i'm ready to work hard to make sure we can keep this up.

fun tidbits:

• you scare daddy in the middle of the night when you toot. literally. he jumps. attagirl.
• you purposefully won't put your left foot in your jammies. just to annoy daddy. attagirl.
• you've started opening your eyes a lot more, and WOW. you're going to be a knock out. just like goo.
• you have insanely cute toes. just like your siblings.
• you give daddy about ten seconds before you get fidgety and start rooting. before you realize he's not me and doesn't have the goods.
• you are starting to get cheeks. which is good because your siblings had awesome chubby cheeks as infants.
• speaking of your siblings, OH MY WORD, they LOVE you. even goo. she says everything about you is cute. they both love kissing you and singing "if you're happy and you know it."

we love you, EK. we are so glad you're finally here and already can't imagine our life without you in it.

see? you're starting to get cheeks. love.

your first wisner family friday night movie night.

goo loving on you.

the moby wrap. oh, how you love the moby wrap.

goo loves making sure you always have lovies. always.

you are a beauty.

oh, how these two ADORE you.

another person who adores you? dr. g is so pumped that you're here.

you had a bandaid on your head for almost your entire first month. i had to make sure and capture it before it came off.

oh my goodness, your hiney. delicious.

tacky? probably. but so much fun.

she takes her job as big sister VERY SERIOUSLY. and she also doesn't like brushes.

she loves playing the iPhone with you. sometimes you don't care for it so much.

this was an unbelievable moment for all of us. when we realized she actually liked you.

another one.