it ain't pretty, folks

(prepare for some raw vulnerability)

today i was that mom.

that mom who woke up bitter that i was having to wake up. at 6:15. (i realize some of your children wake up way earlier. cut me some slack, here.)

that mom who found herself frustrated that i had to change 2 diapers (gross ones) before 6:30. the frustration comes from the fact that my 3 1/2-year-old is still in pull ups (just expensive diapers) during the day and a diaper at night.

that mom who didn't shower this morning.

that mom who fixed eggos for breakfast. not because that's what everyone was craving. but because it was the easiest.

that mom who got frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter didn't eat much of said eggo that i went to so much trouble to fix her.

that mom who got frustrated again that her 10-month-old made a huge mess of the fruit i fixed her instead.

10. months. old.

that mom who rolled her eyes because her 3 1/2-year-old wanted to watch morning tv this morning. (never mind the fact that he gets to do this every morning.)

that mom who almost yelled at the 3 1/2-year-old because he continued to inform me that he was NOT EXCITED about going to a splash park with his friends.

that mom who proceeded to give him a lecture about how it's not ok to take fun away from others and that that was what he doing to me and his sister.

that mom who was frustrated that her 10-month-old daughter had another poop right before we were supposed to leave.

that mom who wasn't friendly to the moms of her 3 1/2-year-old's friends, even though we hang out regularly.

that mom who just checked her email and blogs while her 10-month-old napped and her 3 1/2-year-old watched rudolph. (we get our seasons a little out of whack around here.)

that mom who was frustrated with her 3 1/2-year-old because he cried the entire way to his swim lesson (day 3).

and that mom who took her children to wendy's for dinner in their swimsuits. (including mom's)

once they went to sleep, i breathed a sigh of relief.

today was one of those days. and today i was one of those moms. please tell me you can relate.

summertime is hard around here. it is hot. big h has tubes, so he has to wear ear plugs. let's just say he does NOT LIKE TO WEAR THOSE, MAMA! and don't be fooled into thinking that he only says it once. and the goo is mobile, so it's tough for her to just sit with her feet dangling in the water. she wants to move. she's spent 10 months immobile. it's high time to get off her hiney and conquer this world.

update on swim lessons:

they are at 3 pm. this is a tough time of the day. because he doesn't usually go down until 2-ish, if he takes a nap at all. so he hasn't had a nap either day. so we get in the car and head down to the house where they host it. monday we had to go to a house where we didn't know anyone. (mama mess up) they said he was "such a sweet little boy but somewhat reluctant." yesterday, we were at weentrab's house, and so i watched from inside. nightmare. i'm sure weentrab just felt sorry for me. because there her child goes with her little goggles, jumping off the edge. my child is that child. the child who has an instructor all to himself. and literally cried the entire 40 minutes. but still wanted ice cream afterwards. and actually wanted to go get some of his own goggles (which he refused to wear at the lesson). so we bought them in high hopes that things would turn around. when we went to the splash park today, he wore the goggles and informed everyone that he was a diver. he was so proud of himself.

but then.

then, it was time to head to swim lessons. and he informed me that "i do not want to go to any houses to swim today." and cried the entire way there.

fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), swim lessons were canceled today due to lightning. information that we received once he had already gotten out of the car and was being held by one of the instructors. we'll just make up on friday.

*big sigh*

today was just one of those days where i feel like i'm parenting eeyore. thank you, shannon, for coining this phrase. it now gets used on a daily basis around this house. sometimes buz and i wonder if there is a physiological part of his brain that makes him actually enjoy crying. i mean, i am frustrated just thinking about it right now.





we prayed 3 different times today to ask Jesus to make our hearts cleaner, to be nicer to our sister, and to have a better attitude.

and buz is not here tonight. he's actually at a sleep study tonight. the snoring had gotten pretty bad. poor buz. wait...poor me. :) so he made an appointment. ironically enough, ever since he made the appointment, his snoring has stopped. we'll see.

so tonight i am resting quietly in the palm of the hands of my Father. waiting patiently for Him to remind me that everything is fine. to remind me how much He loves me. to remind me that tomorrow is a new day.

i know, poor me, right?

(i mean, don't ya just want to jam to a little "walking on sunshine" right now on your ipod? i promise a more uplifting post next time.)