happy birthday sweet buz...

this is from several years ago. but is still so true. even after THREE KIDS. i love you so much, babe.

for the record, i would totally date you in the dark.

http://lifewiththewisners.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-sweet-buz.html

seriously? one month?

i can't believe you are ONE MONTH OLD. you are my little baby. weren't you just born yesterday?

i can't believe we've been home for four weeks.

life is normal. our new normal. normal with three kids. bigH, goo, and "the baby." that's you.

first of all, EK, you are breathtaking. absolutely beautiful. EVERYONE comments on just how much you look like your daddy. take that as a compliment. your daddy is one handsome man. and your sister looks like your daddy too. which means you're probably going to look a LOT like goo.

and let me state for the record...goo is beautiful. big, blue eyes. beautiful wavy hair. and a face to die for.

i'm not going to lie. being home has been difficult. we've had our share of challenges.

in a nutshell:

• you slept ALL. THE. TIME. when you first got home. and everyone would tell us how wonderful that must be. yeah. no. not when i'm nursing. and you would NEVER wake up. breastfeeding: supply and demand. when you didn't demand anything, there was no supply. and guess what happens when you're less than two weeks old and mom has no supply? mama gets WAY STRESSED. guess what happens when mama gets stressed? more supply issues. i read the bottle of my pain meds, and it said that they may cause drowsiness. so...i proceeded to stop taking those. because i didn't need anything helping you stay asleep.
• mama has a history of "bowel issues," shall we say, after delivery. i've had these issues with all three deliveries. issues that bring daddy and me closer together. closer than we'd prefer. very unpleasant. but 4 weeks out, i'm happy to announce those issues are gone.
• one of the days i was in the hospital, i noticed a rash on my belly. and it covered my ENTIRE belly. from my incision up to my chest. it was a nuisance. kind of itched. but i didn't think too much about it. i asked my nurse about it, and she suggested maybe i put some hydrocortisone on it when i got home. noted. fast forward a couple of days. the day after i decided to stop my pain meds, i noticed the rash again. but this time, it was a bit inflamed. and was starting to itch. that night, in the middle of the night, the rash? was OH MY WORD ITCHING. and so because i'm smart, i SCRATCHED LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. i'll be honest, it felt so incredibly good. ahhhh.... guess what did NOT feel good the next morning? the rash. i could not. stop. itching. and it had gotten so inflamed. and when i nursed (with the nursing pillow), the pillow would touch my rash, and i would literally go over the edge. i couldn't handle it. finally, i called the OBGYN on call that day and asked. she suggested hydrocortisone (go figure) and oral benadryl. remember the part about EK sleeping all the time? guessing benadryl wasn't going to help matters. but it was either that or me admitting myself to the looney bin. that was a sunday. didn't feel better. monday morning, i called and got an appointment. two of my freaking awesome friends took bigH and goo for the day. i still couldn't drive. so i called my dad who took me to my appointment. i'll be honest. i would've rather spent my first day alone with EK NOT at the doctor or pharmacy. my OB prescribed a prescription strength hydrocortisone and told me oral benadryl every FOUR hours, not six. (he also referred to my rash as "impressive" and told his colleague that it was the worst rash he'd ever seen.) remember EK sleeping all the time? i didn't care. i also asked my OB if he could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds. because i was ONE SCRATCH AWAY FROM THE PSYCH WARD. seriously, people, i don't know when i've ever been that uncomfortable. i was a MESS. finally, SIX DAYS LATER, the rash started to go away. and i was a new woman.

i have some amazing friends. we have gotten random gifts in the mail from friends we haven't heard from in ages. we have gotten cards and emails. everyone seems so excited for us that EK is here.

something way fun for mama? her best friend kelly came in town for a visit. over my birthday. she came in on wednesday, the 18th. we put her right to work. we had lunch and headed out to buy school shoes. goo is a tough nut to crack these days (to put it mildly), and i dropped kelly and goo off at the shoe store, and goo walked right in with her, holding her hand. no problem. they came out, shoes in hand.

we had an awesome time having kelly here. there were NEVER dishes in the dishwasher. there were never clothes in the hamper. i always had someone to hang out. goo gave her a run for her money. we drank plenty of dr pepper. we ate plenty of sour patch kids and gummy bears. it was perfection.

our schedule right now is a nice one. daddy takes bigH to school at 715. you, goo, and i sleep until about 8 or 9. i feed you and your sister watches some form of PBS Kids or wow wow wubbzy. then, we eat breakfast, and you hang out in your little papasan chair. i do my best to clean up for the morning and play with goo. then, i feed you around noon. then, goo and i have lunch. and somehow it's 215, and it's time to start getting ready to get bigH. he gets out at 245, but we walk to his school. but it takes your sister SO LONG to do much these days, so i have to start getting her ready very early. we get bigH and come home. they have room time. i feed you between 3-4. then, once bigH and goo are done with room time, they get "mom and dad room time" if they have a good day with no issues. mom and dad room time means bigH gets to play playstation for 30 minutes and goo gets to play computer for 30 minutes. that time is when you and i just hang out. we get ready for dinner and pick up the kitchen and check the mail.

and then...the witching hour begins. oh sweet EK. you have a tough time between 5-ish and 9-ish. part of it is we don't know when to feed you and when to "put you down." you love your bath. and we normally bathe you when bigH and goo take their bath. you love to be wrapped in a warm towel. then, daddy reads stories to your brother and sister and puts them to bed. i bring you in my room in just your diaper and feed you on one side. once you're finished, i put your jammies on and feed you on the other side. once you're sleepy and finished, i swaddle you as tight as possible. (fyi: i am an expert swaddler.) then i carry you in your room and put you in your positioner.

and then i pray. no, seriously. i pray. "dear Jesus. please let her sleep well for now."

typically, you sleep about 4 hours. then, daddy goes to get you. he changes your diaper and brings you to me. i'm up and ready to feed you. sometimes daddy and i have fun conversations. sometimes we're really sleepy. once you're finished, i swaddle you up and take you back. usually, you sleep 4-5 hour time stretches. you're a good sleeper at night.

you're having a really hard time right now with your nursing. you definitely have gas because your face gets red while you eat. and you spit up all the time. this has all happened within the last week. it makes me sad.

so this week, you and i are off to meet a lactation consultant to see what we can do to keep our nursing down pat. because i love you a whole bunch and i'm ready to work hard to make sure we can keep this up.

fun tidbits:

• you scare daddy in the middle of the night when you toot. literally. he jumps. attagirl.
• you purposefully won't put your left foot in your jammies. just to annoy daddy. attagirl.
• you've started opening your eyes a lot more, and WOW. you're going to be a knock out. just like goo.
• you have insanely cute toes. just like your siblings.
• you give daddy about ten seconds before you get fidgety and start rooting. before you realize he's not me and doesn't have the goods.
• you are starting to get cheeks. which is good because your siblings had awesome chubby cheeks as infants.
• speaking of your siblings, OH MY WORD, they LOVE you. even goo. she says everything about you is cute. they both love kissing you and singing "if you're happy and you know it."

we love you, EK. we are so glad you're finally here and already can't imagine our life without you in it.

see? you're starting to get cheeks. love.

your first wisner family friday night movie night.

goo loving on you.

the moby wrap. oh, how you love the moby wrap.

goo loves making sure you always have lovies. always.

you are a beauty.

oh, how these two ADORE you.

another person who adores you? dr. g is so pumped that you're here.

you had a bandaid on your head for almost your entire first month. i had to make sure and capture it before it came off.

oh my goodness, your hiney. delicious.

tacky? probably. but so much fun.

she takes her job as big sister VERY SERIOUSLY. and she also doesn't like brushes.

she loves playing the iPhone with you. sometimes you don't care for it so much.

this was an unbelievable moment for all of us. when we realized she actually liked you.

another one.

EK has arrived

as usual...you might want to grab a dr pepper or a caffeinated beverage of your choice. because this will not be brief. i don't want it to be. and for EK's sake, it shouldn't be. there's a potential for a lot of pictures as well. if i get my act together tonight. though that's up in the air at this point.

i'm sitting here on a friday night, listening to buz play playstation in the background. and my THREE kids are asleep at the same time. and i don't know how to let that soak in.

i just checked in on big h's room, and there he was, asleep in his ironman2 jammies with his two build-a-bears next to him. he looked so big and yet so small.

i checked on goo on the monitor. (because we still have a monitor in her room. we're sneaky and nosy like that.) and there she was, asleep in her tinkerbell jammie top and ariel jammie bottom. heaven forbid if her jammies actually, you know, matched. and in her bed was...honestly, i don't know what WASN'T in her bed. her purple and pink unicorn pillow pet. her three build-a-bears that are all either wearing princess dresses or ballerina tutus. and every. last. stuffed. thing. that she owns. but...alas, she is asleep.

and then. i looked on ANOTHER monitor where sweet EK sleeps. all swaddled as tightly as possible. with her head to one side like her older brother used to sleep.

and my heart is full. and i can't believe my life is so rich.

i want "doodle" to know her birth story. and this is the only place i'll actually record it.

i had so many things planned before her arrival. it was almost like christmas season. we had play dates with people we hadn't seen in ages. i had text after text from people wanting to know how i was feeling and if there was anything i needed. we went swimming a lot. we went and saw movies at the movie theater. just because we could. i took pictures of my belly in relation to wherever we were. at dinner. at the computer. sitting with goo. writing thank you notes. you name it, my belly was with it. i had started going to the OB every week, and i loved it. love my OB so much. i had so much fun being pregnant. wearing maternity clothes. feeling the baby move inside. watching the baby move. talking to H and G about the baby coming.

my delivery date was scheduled for thursday, july 29 in the afternoon but was rescheduled at the last minute for friday, july 30 in the morning.

thursday, we had lunch with bigH's kindergarten teacher, mrs. b. originally, we were going to eat at purple cow because it's yummy. but her response to that was, "hmmm...i would've thought we would've eaten at chipotle because it's bigH's favorite restaurant." have i mentioned just. how. much. i LOVE mrs. b? no? because i freaking LOVE mrs. b. so we ate at chipotle. and to my surprise, my kids were TOTAL HELLIONS. i was mortified. but i just repeatedly used the line, "we don't get out much." and that seemed to do the trick for a couple of minutes. we left and headed straight for the movie theater to meet dad to see despicable me. i got to sit with goo on my "lap" most of the movie, which was sheer joy. when the movie was over, buz took them home, and i headed to my ultra fancy pregnancy massage and pedicure. oh my word, talk about luxury. i should do that more often. if only i had unlimited funds. it was incredible. then, i met up with buz at one of my favorite restaurants, and we had a SIT DOWN dinner. we did NOT know what to do with ourselves. we talked and laughed, and i just stared at him. man, my husband is the cat's meow and is SO NICE TO LOOK AT. wow. then, we walked around the mall for a little bit. we had gotten a hotel room for that night for several reasons. my parents were staying at my house in our room, so technically we didn't have anywhere to sleep anyway. :) but also, we had to be at the hospital at 530 in the morning, and we wanted to be able to get up and get ready without tiptoeing.

we could hardly sleep. buz could more than me. but i slept at 30 minute intervals. again...christmas eve for me. and for the record, we were still discussing boy names. at 1030 that night. we couldn't decide if that meant we were definitely having a boy because we didn't have anything ready. or if we were definitely having a girl because clearly, we were ready for her. ???

we woke up friday morning at 4. i took my shower and dried my hair and had a lot of energy. a LOT for ME at 4 in the morning. we got there (not surprisingly) too early. we checked in, got my hospital band, filled out 1438 forms, signing my life away. and she took us to our little observation room C. i got changed into my rockin hospital gown and we were introduced to our labor and delivery nurse, who would only be with us until 7. little did we know how rad she'd be. we had a great morning with her. (um, we're facebook friends with her now. love social media.)

we were later introduced to the nurse who would actually be in delivery with us. she was hand-picked. one of the benefits of working at a hospital and knowing people...i've known all my L&D nurses or had them hand-picked for me. she was incredible. sweet, gentle, kind. we then met my anesthesiologist (who, by the way, was easy on the eyes. i'm just sayin.) and our anesthesia nurse, anesthesia ann. anesthesia ann has been around the block a time or two. she was hard core, and i LOVED her. finally, i got ready to be wheeled back to the OR.

and funny side note: the nurse who had to get my IV in was my early morning L&D nurse when i had goo. so fun.

it was when we actually got IN the OR that i finally got scared/nervous. very bright lights. a lot of people working to get things ready for me. a lot of instruments that would be used on me. a lot of people behind masks. the very definite smell of alcohol. music. and i saw my anesthesiologist and anesthesiology nurse. and then i saw my OB. who looks a LOT different in scrubs than he does on a regular 'ol tuesday afternoon in the office. and we were ready for the epidural/spinal. i had two back surgeries as a kid, so regular epidurals don't work for/with me. so i have something different, and i always have to tell my surgery "story" so they know exactly what to do. i made sure i told everyone that i was officially nervous.

and everyone talked about someone specific on so you think you can dance. and the OB assisting my OB with the surgery apparently watches it. and so does the anesthesiologist. but he is a closet fan. and my nurse watches it. but i talked to my OB who does NOT watch it. and neither do i. useless information.

and then i was ready. for the spinal. to put my legs on one side of the gurney. to hug the pillow. to lean forward into my cute little nurse (who by the way is 4'11). and to breathe deeply. wow, it hurt. a lot. and it seemed to take a long time. i don't think it did. but it felt like it took a sweet forever. and i was supposed to tell him each time i could feel any pressure. which was a lot. i could've sworn i was going to fall on top of my 4'11 cute nurse and pummel her to the ground. which, i think, would've started the surgery off on the wrong foot.

that part was finally over. they laid me down, and everything started to progress. and all of the sudden, i couldn't breathe. i yelled the name of anesthesia ann and the anesthesiologist (who requested i call him by his first name). i told them i couldn't breathe. something was pressing on my chest and i couldn't get a good deep breath. i was so scared. really scared. buz wasn't in the OR yet. honestly, i don't remember the last time i was that fearful. they continued to tell me that my levels were perfect and that i WAS breathing and doing a great job at it. they told me this over and over again while placing oxygen on my face. and then...all of the sudden, i felt like i could breathe again. and then anesthesia ann started having fun conversations with me. like where she wanted to go shopping after her shift was over. and what mall was closest. and what time did it open. and what was my favorite store at that mall.

and who knew??? when i get scared/nervous, i start talking. a lot. i know you can't believe it. but i do. i mean, i started talking. a LOT.

finally, i heard buz come in, and he sat right next to my face. my OB and his partner (who i've come to really like a LOT) were there and said they were going to get started.

things seemed to start. and i could tell we were going to have a baby any minute. that fun anxiety.

mind you -- we didn't know the gender of our baby.

i finally felt like something was different. like baby was out. and they called a time. 808. i thought to myself, "how cute. 808. what a fun time. easy to remember."

and then i didn't hear anything else. and i heard very faintly 809, 810, 811, 812.

and i knew this wasn't good.

and then, the revealing of my baby's gender came by way of "she's just floppy. we're going to bag her and get her breathing."

i tried not to freak out. and enter my FREAKING AWESOME RAD HUSBAND. who basically just told me things (white lies) like "they're just cleaning her" and "they're just getting her all warm" and "you did so great and i am so proud of you."

but i knew.

i knew something wasn't right.

and then...

i heard her. HER. my DAUGHTER. i heard my daughter cry. and i started to cry. because she was ok. and i didn't care about the fact that no one declared in glory "IT'S A GIRL." because i cared more that someone said, "there. now she's breathing."

and buz went over to see her and kept coming over to me, reporting how great she looked and how cute she was. i was elated.

for those of you in health care, her apgars were 2/7.

i know.

and then the NICU doctor came over to introduce herself to us. SCARY. to let us know that EK had experienced a substantial amount of trouble breathing on her own at first. and that if she experienced anything like that again, she would be transferred to the NICU.

but everyone kept telling me how great she was doing. and how great she looked. and one of the nurses even brought her over to buz and me to let me look at her. and oh...her beauty. i wanted to touch her and hold her. but i kissed her and knew she needed to be taken care of. by medical professionals. i would have my time with her.

her.

they finished sewing me up, and i continued to talk. seriously...someone make me stop talking. like i know these people personally or something. i talked to anesthesia ann about going to the local mall and the fact that she was wearing a university of texas lanyard holding her name badge and that i was sorry that i made a comment about it since i'm an OU fan. and i thanked the anesthesiologist for letting me call him by his first name. and yes, i may have let him in on the secret that i thought he was nice looking. nice. i'm classy like that. and i talked to my OB about who knows what? have i mentioned how much i continued to talk? oh my goodness.

the NICU doc came to talk to us again. about EK. and how she was doing. it looked like she didn't breathe for the first four and a half minutes. apparently, she was very high up and comfortable inside mama. so she took a while to get used to the idea of being on the outside. the NICU doc said she looked much better, had a great color, was breathing well, and would not need to go to the NICU unless something changed with her breathing. she congratulated me and congratulated buz on the birth of our daughter. she was the first person to say the word daughter. ten minutes before, i was afraid of that woman. now, ten minutes later, i loved her. i thanked her for all of her help taking care of my daughter. honestly, i didn't know what she did to help EK, but i know she did everything she knew to help her.

buz went with EK up the nursery to watch her take her first bath and for them to do all the testing they needed to do with her. i stayed with my sweet nurse. all of the people in the OR helped me transfer from the operating table back to my gurney. i'll be honest...i felt like a farm animal at a vet's office. i couldn't feel a single thing and they all literally just rolled me onto a different bed. very, VERY humbling. but they did so with grace and dignity. which i very much appreciated.

and in true fashion, i thanked everyone for a good time and that i had appreciated all that they had done. and i told dr. b to have a good day and that i would see him later. and to tell his wife hi? um, i've never met his wife. ahem.

i got wheeled back to my observation room C. where i talked to my cute nurse and anesthesiology nurse for a while. i was SO RELAXED. i couldn't feel my legs. and my arms were dead weight. and it all felt surprisingly good. like it was over. she was ok. she was with people she knew. buz had gone to the waiting room where my mom, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece and nephew were. he was going to tell them baby was here. but he was going to bring them into my room, so i could tell them the gender and name and how everything went. apparently, when he got to the waiting room, he said, "mom and baby are fine" and then started tearing up. in the twelve years i've known buz, i've seen him cry twice. this being the third time. he came back into my room to let me know he had told them, and the first thing i noticed were his red eyes. i thought surely something was wrong. he told me that everything had finally hit him when he said the words, "mom and baby are fine." then, he mentioned something about how cute EK's toes were. i kept asking, "what's wrong" over and over again because why would he be crying. he assured me nothing was wrong but that the moment caught up with him.

my mom came into the room. i told her it was a girl and what her name was, and i started crying. guess the same thing happened to me.

then, my BIL and SIL came in, and i told them about how the morning had gone and finally told them the gender and name.

both conversations were sweet. and very meaningful to me. and then everyone went upstairs to the nursery to watch her and look at her.

and all of the sudden, my cell phone rang, and it was my brother and his family who were vacationing in wyoming. i told them and i could hear my two nieces in the back say, "we KNEW it was a girl." it was fun to talk to him for a minute. man, i love him. a LOT.

finally, i was wheeled upstairs to look at her in the nursery. she looked beautiful. beautiful hair. beautiful body. beautiful face. beautiful features. and i just looked at her. and marveled at how the Lord can create such an intimate and detailed and complicated being who is such a gorgeous masterpiece. then, they wheeled me to my postpartum room.

once again, i got moved like a farm animal from my gurney to my postpartum bed.

soon after, i heard that my dad and kids were here. my dad hadn't wanted me to tell him anything about the baby, other than "it" was here. he wanted to hear the gender and name along with bigH and goo.

i heard them outside the door. i heard bigH say, "i see the baby! i see mommy holding the baby!!!!" they came in, and bigH immediately said, "so, is it a boy?"

i had no idea how to handle that question. so i did the best i could and said, "it's a girl! are you excited?!" and he responded with, "oh mama, look at her cute fingernails!" and i knew everything would be ok with him.

i was worried about goo's response, no matter the gender. all she said was, "oh what a cute yittle bandaid." (EK had a little laceration on the side of her head, and they had used a little steristrip on it.) and then she just wanted to color. figured.

and that was their reaction to her. and surprisingly, it had gone better than i had expected. so i was happy. and so we all sat/stood/laid in my postpartum room looking at her and enjoying the moment.

my BIL and SIL and niece and nephew headed out, along with my mom, dad, bigH, and goo. and all of the sudden, it was just EK, buz, and me. and i couldn't believe it. here was our third child. who was here. who was safe. who was breathtaking.

i met my day mom nurse and my day baby nurse. and it was so fun because i recognized my baby nurse from when i used to work there. and she remembered me. and it felt like i was among friends. and literally, all i remember about the rest of friday was texting people and calling people and having the phone in my hand constantly and being elated at the news i was getting to share. i was tired because i hadn't slept the night before but oh my, the adrenaline.

that night, two of my buddies came to visit. one was a friend from bigH and goo's preschool. and one was one of our closest friends, and the whole family came.

over the the next several days, we had visitors and wonderful nurses. wonderful day nurses for EK and for me and wonderful night nurses for EK and for me. some were new to us, and some we remembered from either when i worked there or when i had bigH or goo. we had great lactation nurses who were willing to help us feed EK, who by the way, is the best eater out of our three kids.

my OB was off for several days after our delivery, but we saw the other OBs in his practice. and he also personally called me everyday to check on me. please, PLEASE tell me i've mentioned once or 672 times how fabulous my OB is. (by the way, now he's just my gynecologist. sad.)

monday was a tough day. we had a tough day with EK losing some of her birth weight. she also failed her hearing screen three different times, which meant we'd have to bring her in as an outpatient. we just had several different things that were frustrating. so if you called or came by that day, we're/i'm really sorry. i was not very pleasant. BUT...the Lord knows exactly what we need when we need it. in the course of about two hours, i had my bff just drop in bringing jersey mike's for buz and me. homegirl speaks my love language. i had one of my good buddies who's become even closer lately stop by (with her mom -- sorry jenny's mom for my uncontrollable tears) just to see EK and bring some freaking fabulous hand-me-downs and hang out. AND i got to meet a twitter friend of a friend who i'd been dying to meet for some time. AND she brought Sonic DPs for buz and me. and a freaking awesome babyGap outfit for EK. did i mention we had never met? and she came to the hospital. and we hugged. and she gave EK baby love. and got to see me looking ultra fabulous (insert sarcasm). and that was monday. remember when i said monday was our worst day? i love when God works like that. He knew what we needed. and when we had no visitors, buz, EK, and i got to be together. and enjoy our quiet time together.

tuesday was going home day. i was nervous. excited, but nervous. i know there are plenty of people who don't share my view, but everything seems safe in the hospital. easy. if you have a question, you push a button, and someone comes to your aid. if your stomach hurts, you push a button, and medicine comes through an IV. the first time you get out of bed, and you're lightheaded, and you're afraid you're going to slip and fall, you...wait for it...PUSH A BUTTON. and miraculously, a patient care tech comes to your room and helps you up AND to your first shower. (and you SO don't care that someone you don't know is seeing you in ALL YOUR GLORY).

and guess what happens when you go home? there is no button. and the two other kids who've been taken care of and treated to days of neverending entertainment by nana and papa? yeah, they're at your house. waiting to hear what fun things you're going to come up with. and nana and papa? they go home to sleep. for days. because they're 60+ and not used to taking care of a 4yo and almost 7yo nonstop.

more to come re: life at home.

but for now?

EK, we can't imagine you not being with us. we can't imagine life with only two kids. we can't imagine not knowing what it's like to see your brother and sister fall madly in love with you in a matter of seconds.

we love you more than you will ever know. and we are so excited to be your mommy and daddy. welcome to the world, EK.

papa getting some lovin.

nana gettin' some too.

big h, goo, daddy, uncle rick (daddy's brother), aunt tanna.

you...hours old.

our first family picture.

daddy asking your brother and sister if they were ready to come meet you.

one of THE BEST night nurses around. buz and i LOVED her. we got to have her our last two nights.

our cute L&D nurse.

my cute twitter friend i had just met about forty-five minutes before this was taken. (thought: wow, i look like a HOUSE standing next to my new, cute little petite friend.)

buz and i were strongly entertaining moving shortly after EK was born but the Lord kept us here. while we were entertaining this idea, i had decided to invite some of my closest friends to the hospital for a pajama pizza party. once we decided to stay in dallas, i decided that the pajama pizza party needed to happen anyway. some girls were missing. but OH MY WORD, it was the best night. so incredibly blessed to have such amazing women in my life. (bff, why were you not in this picture?)

one of mommy's favorite nurses. we were blessed to have her for THREE NIGHTS. bliss.

bigH showing you one of his new legos. this will NOT be the last time, i assure you.

of COURSE your babysitter came to visit. wouldn't be right without her.

one of dr. b's partners. we LOVE dr. a. she helped deliver goo. she is fabulous!!

one of our night nurses.

we made sure you got to look at bigH and goo everyday.

this stuff was the BOMB.COM while i was on my clear liquids diet. oh my word, DELICIOUS. (except they don't carry the watermelon flavor i remember from having bigH or goo. still.) along with the hospital beef broth. yummy.

you and your daddy.

the BEST PCT ever. she knows your brother and sister so well. and daddy and i LOVE her.

the three of us alone together. just getting to know each other.

you were/are delicious. just look at you.

my last picture of us together before i met you. notice daddy's shoes. those are his birthing shoes. he has worn them for the birth of all three of his kids. love him.

the forecast for while we were in the hospital. why, EK, do we live in dallas?

they could NOT get enough of you.

your sister didn't want to be in this picture. NOT surprising.

you started sucking your fingers right from the get go.

oh, baby doodle

we are ready for you.

i promise. contrary to what i've told people lately. really...i'm/we're ready for you.

today is monday night, the twenty-sixth of july. you will be here in four days. OH MY WORD, FOUR DAYS. (daddy and i forgot to watch ali the bachelorette tonight. we'll catch up. plus, we'll get to watch the season finale next monday when we're in the hospital with you. just the three of us.)

you will be delivered by the same doctor who delivered bigH and goo, your older sister and brother. who i've seen since 1999. i love him. he's the best.

it is hotter than anything right now. and you'll know soon enough, i HATE summer. summer janet is not a very pleasant person. and summer PREGNANT janet is, just, well, not much of a peach to be around. your poor siblings and daddy. trust me -- you'll love me october - april. right now, everyday i'm wearing shorts, gaucho pants, or my denim skirt (that is worn at LEAST five times a week) with a tshirt and flip flops. and it's all i can do to stay cool.

h, g, and i are swimming a lot this summer. and i'll be honest...i have NO SHAME when it comes to putting on my large and in charge maternity swimsuit. i have two of them. a black one and a green one. and i love them. and you and i love being in the water. it feels so good on my belly and my back. and clearly, you love it because you move a LOT when we're done swimming. i did water aerobics this summer, and i loved it. just me and 7 other 80-year-olds. it was awesome. it had just gotten too hot to walk.

speaking of moving a lot. this won't sound right, but i'm going to be sad to actually have you out of my tummy. because you moving? brings a smile to my face and little giggle to my soul. every. time. it. happens. and it happens a lot. especially at 9pm. always at 9pm. without fail. buz (your daddy, more on him in a minute) and i get such a kick out of it. all of the sudden, i feel you move and go crazy, and we look at our watches and laugh. anywhere between 830 and 915. (you're moving right now. and i looked at the clock, and it said 858. see? you make me smile.) you are like clockwork. we hope you're like clockwork when you get here. your brother and sister were, and we thank God for that everyday.

you were a surprise, doodle. and i'll be honest. it's taken some time to get used to the idea of you being in our family. our little family of four is going to change to a family of five. but we have really prayed that God would open our hearts. and that He did. you have your own room now, ready for your arrival. you have a carseat in the van, right next to goo's seat. (sorry, in advance.) i'm going to get a diaper bag this week. i think. you have diapers. a mommy who loves WATCHING you move all day long. a daddy that will be smitten with you the MINUTE he lays his eyes on you. and two siblings. OH MY, YOUR SIBLINGS.

bigH. doodle, you have no idea what you're in for. this boy. this six years and nine months (to the day) little boy is ELATED about your arrival. he talks to you all day long. he tells everyone about you. he tells everyone your nickname and is *pretty* sure you're a boy. (we'll find out in 4 days.) he loves you to pieces. and we joke that he's such a baby whisperer. seriously, he's amazing with younger children. uh-may-zing. and he will be no different with you. daddy and i cannot wait to see him with you. you will be so loved on. you are so lucky and blessed. God has given you an incredible big brother. whether you're a girl or boy, you scored.

goo. i don't know what to tell you. :) if you're a boy, it might take a while for goo to like you. she is really banking on you being a female. we'll see. we've prepared her as much as possible that there's a strong possibility you could be a boy. and she says no every time. it will probably take her a while to warm up to you. i think goo REALLY loves being the baby of the family. i think she senses your upcoming arrival. and with that, she's decided to finally get out of her bed. at night. in the morning. a lot. and her sass? oh, her sass. you're going to be sitting right next to her in the van, but i promise bigH will protect you, and i will do my best to make sure she doesn't put toys in your carseat. your sister in an amazing little girl. with a strong will. and an opinion about everything. and she is as funny as all get out. the most beautiful smile you've ever seen. and i guarantee she will make you laugh with all the random things she will say. but she will LOVE you like no other. like i said, you are so incredibly blessed and lucky to have bigH and goo as your older siblings. you will not need or want for ANYTHING. and you will be protected all the time. almost to a fault.

your daddy. buz. oh my. ask ANYONE you meet who knows him. and they will tell you. they love him. ask people who don't know him, and they will tell you the same thing. doodle, your daddy is the most selfless man i know. he gives up everything for us. and you get to be part of that "us" now. it is such a honor to have him as our provider, our caretaker. he is crazy funny. and has the best quick and dry wit. he makes up stories, and H and G always reply "daaaaaaad." like they can't believe he's telling one of his dorky stories again. he gets home as soon as possible. he doesn't dilly dally one bit during the day because he knows that will set him back. he walks in the door, and your brother and sister whisper, "dad's home." and then they run like lightning to the garage door and pummel him, almost to the ground. he will play Legos with H for as long as H wants him. he's an awesome polly pocket partner. and he always tells your siblings, "i'll do that in a minute. first, i need to kiss mommy and see how her day was." every. day. he lets H and G watch show intros from the 70s on his iPhone while they take a bath. when i do the dishes, i hear spiderman and wonder woman theme songs from the 70s. and your siblings eat. him. up. he loves being with us outside when it's nice outside. or even when it's gross outside. he's DEFINITELY the one to go to if you want something extra special. i'm typically the buzz kill parent around here. it's ok. i own it. if you want "just one more," go to daddy. one more story. one more show. one more handful of goldfish. dad's your guy. you'll love him. when you get here, he's the one who will change your diaper before i nurse you. we have a system down that we still remember perfectly. he goes in your room, gets you out of your crib, changes your diaper, brings you to me. i nurse you in our room, and daddy and i have some of THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. when i'm finished, he falls asleep (insanely fast), i swaddle (i'm a swaddling maniac) you, and i take you back to your room. and then i nuzzle next to daddy, and we both power nap until the next three hour mark. we're tired. but we wouldn't change it for ANYTHING. we look forward to it.

you're coming this friday morning. i'll be honest. it's cool that you're coming on the 30th. i was born on the 20th, goo was born on the 20th, h was born on the 30th. and now, you're going to be born on the 30th. i love it. dad was born on the 7th. but he's unique. :)

i am really excited about you getting here and all of us finally getting to meet you. but i have to be honest, there are some things i'm going to miss.

• feeling really cute in a swimsuit (guarantee this will NEVER happen again while i'm alive
• bonding and connecting with you at night, just the two of us
• going to the bathroom 19 times in an eight-hour time frame (no, wait. i will NOT miss that.)
• having people constantly asking me about you.
• feeling comfortable about my body; not self-conscious at all
• seeing stretch marks and smiling about them
• you bringing my best friend to town for a week
• your arrival connecting me to some old friends
• your arrival making my current friendships stronger and more meaningful
• your existence being fun to talk about on twitter and facebook (i'll admit it -- it's shallow)
• taking pictures of my belly in relation to other things (my laptop, my dinner, etc)
• random people i don't know well being excited for us
• wearing cute maternity clothes

i know these sound so selfish and vain. but your existence gives me a confidence that i don't think i normally have. and i love it. you and i have a little bond that no one else does. we always will. i'm your mama. and i pray everyday that you and i will connect on such an incredible level. that the Lord will give us a special and unique relationship. that you will be best friends with H and G. and that you will have daddy wrapped around your little finger. (well, that's a no brainer.)

we've got bedding for you. it's navy with white stars. i love it. plain and simple. we'll add a pink sheet and a pink lampshade and a pink changing table cover if you're a girl. if you're a boy we'll add green or red things to your room.

one thing that has blown daddy and me away is the love and generosity from our friends and family. because you were SUCH a surprise, so many people wanted to do things for us. we had people send us baby stuff, loan us strollers, boppy pillows, burp cloths and blankets. people have said if you're a girl, they have clothes and the same if you're a boy. people even threw us a shower. some of my mommy's close friends came and celebrated you and me and loved on us and LAVISHED with nice things. some people have signed up to bring us meals when we get home. mommy's best friend is coming all the way from montana to celebrate my birthday with me as well as to help with you and goo so mommy can walk your older brother to school on the first day of school. we have gift cards, diapers, floor activity mats, and emails and facebook messages. i've got to spend some neat time lately with friends i haven't done a good job connecting with lately. but YOU have brought us together. daddy's brother's wife has asked if we need anything. just because. one of goo's friends' mommies has asked to have goo over for the day next week. just to give me a break. you have SO MANY PEOPLE who can't wait to meet you. who can't wait to know if you're a boy or a girl.

we finally (last night) decided on names for you. better late than never, right? (4 days left) there is no doubt that you will be FULL OF PERSONALITY. you won't be able to help it. you've got two over the top siblings who will require it of you. :)

doodle, if i forget to tell you on friday...i'm really glad you're about to be a part of our family. we love you already. welcome to life with the wisners. mwah.

goo, me, and bigH

goo, daddy, and bigH

all of us at christmas (photo taken by mommy's friend chrys' husband mike)

goo and bigH