one word.

or two. or three.

hoss. champ. rock star.

that sums up my daughter.

she was so stinking amazing today. (can you already sense the change of tone in my voice? i mean, my poor pity party yesterday. whew. i should have worn a hat and invited people.)

i prayed and prayed last night. for so many things.

buz took big h to school. there couldn't be anything better for my little man. he ADORES his daddy. so *bringing* daddy to school was a highlight.

goo and i had some mommy and me time this morning. and somehow she didn't notice that she didn't have a morning bottle. or breakfast, for that matter. champ.

headed to the surgery center. this place was basically gymboree with nurses and doctors.

the waiting room was incredible. i hadn't even put my keys away before they called us back. shirley, our nurse, was so informative. she was warm, friendly, and so good with the goo. goo had her own portable DVD player, though she wasn't that interested. they had toys for her to play with. and honestly, she was happy just walking the halls.

we met with the anesthesiologist, the OR nurse, and the doc. again, everyone was so informative.

finally, the time came. the time to take goo back to the OR without us. and we were escorted to the consultation room. buz went to the restroom, and i was determined to "get it together." i didn't want to cry. she was going to be fine. we were so confident in everything. "pull it together," i said to myself while buz was gone. hmmm...my cell had a light on. missed call/voicemail. from kelly.

i decided to listen to it. bad choice. she begins her message with "i'm praying for you guys." and then goes on with, "well, i'm praying, so i'm going to pray right now." and she prays. right there. in her voicemail. and i can tell there's a smile on her face. and then. there's silence. silence because she was crying. let me tell you something of interest about kelly. i have been best friends with her since THIRD GRADE and have seen or heard her cry ONCE. once. this was big. so my hope of "getting it together?" bless my heart. i love you, kelly.

after what felt like twenty seconds, the doctor came in and said everything went fine. she did really well.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!

and then, the recovery nurse came to take us to our baby. oh, our baby. there she was on a gurney, laying on her belly. with her blankie.

and there we sat. with our baby. the nurse gave her to me, and with buz right by my side, i can safely say there is nowhere i would've rather been. sweet, memorable time.

she is definitely not a sight for the faint of stomach. but she was our little red-eyed angel. she did great in recovery. had a whole sippy cup of water and kept it down.

they said one of her short-term side effects would be sensitivity to light. so when she was ready for discharge, her nurse fitted her with a sweet pair of gold sunglasses. this girl was hot. accessories were her game today. i'm sure of it.

we left the surgery center to go pick up big h from school. big h was less than pleased that we picked him up in my car vs. daddy's car. oh, to be four.

when we got home, he and buz left to go get goo a treat of some kind. and i'm going to be honest with you. i got about 45 minutes of anesthesia-goo. just a lump of sugar and her blankie nuzzled in my lap. bliss for her mommy. i'm just sayin'.

and we came home to dinner delivered to our front door and a cookie gram all the way from tennessee. we are blessed. so incredibly blessed.

and now. goo is asleep in her bed. her brother asleep in his. and her daddy and i are at peace. our goo is fine.

vacation?

nope. haven't been on vacation. honestly, just not in the mood to write these days. not feeling witty. not feeling informative. those of you with blogs might have noticed that i haven't been stopping by lately either. i'd love to say i have a good reason.

but nope. no good reason. i have been around. i promise.

here's to boring blogging. you know...the computer version of my journal/baby book. enjoy. :)

never did post halloween picture. big h had the time of his life. the "sick or seat" was definitely the loudest on the block. i know at some point, we'll have to work on his speech. but for now, i like his versions of the words. goo did NOT, however, understand the point of trick or treating. the first three houses we went to, she actually went in. social graces...she'll get it next year. maybe.

had an incredible thanksgiving. my brother and his family came into town from birmingham. big h LOVED being with his cousins. he has a 5-year-old boy cousin and a 4-year-old girl cousins. the three of them had so much fun together. and he also has an 18-month-old girl cousin. yeah, she and goo are going to be fast friends really, really soon. buz and i had a date with my brother and his wife. oh, how i wish they were here in town. we have such a great time with them.

speaking of the cousins, let's talk about a milestone that occurred this past weekend. big h. slept. over. at. nana and papa's. with his cousins.

maybe you skimmed over that.

i'll state it again. buz and i were in our house with only one child. some of you know this piece of trivia. i have only been in my house once without big h. and that was the night buz came home from the hospital after his heart attack. not exactly the most dreamy of evenings. this was crazy, people. crazy. and rumor has it, he LOVED it. honestly, i was going to blog about it. that afternoon. but you know what i did instead? did a 400-piece jigsaw puzzle. in one sitting. (rats. i've just sealed my fate as being known as a complete geek forever.) i'm ok with it. it was so much fun. i sat at the table with a cup of coffee doing a puzzle while goo slept peacefully in her bed. and buz played playstation. shocker.

i was one of the six people who tuned into the bachelor this season. disappointed is such a mild, bland word to describe my feelings after devoting an entire evening to watching with my hubby. and putting off doing anything productive around the house. darn you, brad womack. and darn you, abc.

LOVED the cold front that thanksgiving brought. though today i wore a short-sleeve t-shirt outside when big h, the goo, and i played outside with some of our friends. never ceases to amaze me. never.

really need to get to bed. plus you're probably bored to tears. i would be. it's ok. you can admit it. you've also probably noticed that my usual upbeatness is not present tonight.

i'm finally admitting it. my sweet gooby has surgery on her eyes tomorrow. and i've been so nonchalant about it. "yeah, we're so confident in the doctor. he's great. we're really impressed with the surgery center. blah, blah, blah." but it's officially tomorrow. i know my mom and mother-in-law are reading this. and they're going to be calling me tomorrow sad for me. it's ok mom, and ms. wiz. i'm fine. i just want it over with. her surgery isn't until........NOON! who ever heard of making a 15-month-old wait until noon without eating anything? seriously. it didn't hit me until today. until everyone from the surgery center called with information. that she can't have anything after 9am, and before that, all she can have is clear liquids. have i mentioned that my favorite thing to do with goo in the morning is snuggle with her and her pink blankie and give her her warm (almost HOT) bottle? all while big h is watching a little playhouse disney or noggin. beauty. not tomorrow. oh yeah, and she has the mother of all diaper rashes. for the sake of your tummies, i won't go into detail. just know that after a week and a half of it being really, really bad, we had to get a prescription ointment that just got filled this afternoon.

wow. i just read this whole thing. and someone is a debbie downer tonight. sheesh.

so in the spirit of my half-fullness, let's end on a positive note, ok? if you think of it, pray for my sweet goo. pray that the morning tomorrow is a relatively easy one. one that she doesn't notice food or drink. that she is distracted. that the hour before at the surgery center is a relatively smooth process. that we are blessed with an amazing staff who will love on my baby. for dr. s. that he gets a good night's rest tonight and is fresh tomorrow. that he treats goo's eyes as delicately as possible. for big h. that he will have a good time at school tomorrow. that he will occupy himself well when he gets home. that he works really hard at not touching her face at all. (this is a big one, folks.) for buz and me. that we are loving parents to her and provide all she needs. and for goo, that she would feel a sense of being in the palm of her Father's hands.

thanks for praying. will update you tomorrow.

go ahead. swoon.

so my title for this post was going to be different. something like, "can i get an AMEN HALLELUJAH?"

because of this.

and really, that's all i was going to say.

because that would've been enough.

but then.

i know you'll all be surprised to hear that my husband did something so incredibly thoughtful, i will NOT do justice to try to put it into words.

love languages. you've heard me talk about them once or eighteen times by now. i won't even go into my deep and obsessive feelings towards them. other than to tell you that they have helped buz and me build an incredible marriage.

side note: we don't communicate in our love languages nearly the way we did before kids. so to those of you out there without kids or with kids on the way (jill), pretend i didn't say that. enjoy your marital kid-free bliss.

point to all that. my love language is words of affirmation.

and people, my sweet buz knows how to mush me up. i mean, this? this would almost make me wanna go out and buy him a playstation game for no reason. no reason. this is huge.

and do we even bring up how much TIME it must have taken him? the thought that went into it?

please note the time it might take you to go through these. but the enjoyment that will come from doing so? well, it will bless your whole day.

let's just say there's at least one backstreet boys song. and martina sings "our song" live. yeah, that's our song.

(and i'll just be bold. leave him comments. he only posts every three months, you know. he's sensitive.)

making me happy

sorry i've been gone for a while. just doing life. one day at a time.

big h saying from the backseat, "yook, mama. i'm doing the robot." oh. oh yes. yes, he was. perfectly, i might add.

same time, same place. i skipped over a song that was about to come on in the car from my ipod because i was trying to get to a song big h would like. he interrupted my nervous shuffling while saying, "wait, mama. go back. that was a good song." it was this song. my heart instantly melted into a big pile of mush. big h, you make a mama proud with your love of all things hip hop.

while picking up big h from school, he told me, "mama, i played with "A" today, and i was really nice to him and i didn't even hit him." baby steps, i guess.

goo's laugh. period.

wearing shorts and a t-shirt today. because you know, it's NOVEMBER and all.

yeah, no. that's not something that made me smile. no. that definitely did NOT make me smile.

these. i mean, really. don't they make you smile too?

this website. makes me want to decorate. bless my heart.

seeing this at the mall kiosk today. oh, how i can't wait to rekindle the flame with my very own meat log, smoky bar, and sweet hot mustard.

this. I-L-L!! I-N-I!! i would sing the fight song for you. but well, i can't sing.

and the fact that my husband came home with this for dinner. love languages, people.

five minute party recap

because i'm taking pity on you for trudging through the four hours that it took to read big h's tribute of sorts, i have decided to recap big h's actual birthday party in a matter of five minutes. you're saying it can't be done. i'm not known for my short stories. buz can tell you that.

oh yes. it can be done. so here goes.

birthday party at mcdonalds. why? because i had my fourth birt'hday party at mcdonalds. and in a moment of nostalgia, i decided it would be a good idea. who doesn't like a good happy meal?

good idea? i think so.

here is what the mcdonalds looks like.

how could one not have a good time?

bottom line. play area was used. happy meals were consumed. lightning mcqueen cake had by all. big h and the goo matched. dorky. i don't want to hear about it. i'm dorky. i've admitted it before. and i'll admit it today.

and number one reason it was such a great party.

we are surrounded by the most incredible friends. the most. incredible. friends.

seriously. there was not one person there not working to help make it a fabulous night. all of our friends helped with taking chicken nugget vs. cheeseburger orders, taking juice vs. milk orders, cutting cake, serving cake, taking pictures (weentrab, no shocker there), goo duty (i.e. making sure goo didn't escape -- this was actually the hardest job there), and making sure every little kiddo there had a good time. worker bees, i tell ya. and i think we achieved it. big h was definitely loved on by everyone. and wow...showered with gifts. our little circle is generous...with their time, money, effort, and energy. we are blessed. big h is blessed.

and the best part. last night when i was asking big h what the best part of his day was before we prayed, his response was, "mama...it was pun (fun) that my priends (friends) celevrated (celebrated) me at donalds." yes, little man, they sure did.

it takes a village

today is my little man's fourth birthday. i am very dorky because yes, i am crying while i'm writing this. call me sappy. whatever. he's my little man, and i am madly in love with this kid. madly in love.

***caution: if you're actually interested in reading ahead, you may want to grab a caffeinated beverage and a comfortable chair. if not, i suggest you go get something productive accomplished. i'm just giving you plenty of warning. this is more for him (and me) than anyone else.

dear big h,

today is your fourth birthday, and to be honest, i cannot believe it. i used to hear other moms say (when i was not a mom), "i can remember it like yesterday." i would roll my eyes and declare that such a mom comment. i was right.

your entrance into this world was less than ideal, to say the least. i had a wonderful pregnancy. i was never sick. but i didn't tell that to anyone because apparently, when you're pregnant, you're supposed to be sick all the time. you and i bonded immediately. i loved everything about being pregnant. i loved my doctor. i worked at a hospital, handy enough in the womens' services hospital. i loved buying maternity clothes.

your dad and me at the OU/texas game. i think people reading this have seen this picture before. but i was so happy. that was two weeks before you arrived. i loved having my belly get bigger and bigger. i loved talking about you. all the time. we didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. that was such a treat. your dad and i were showered with gifts.

(yikes. look at that belly.)

then we got towards the end of the pregnancy, i was starting to measure bigger than i should. i tried not to take that personally. :) but every week that i would measure big, my doctor would have a sit-down chat with me about inducing, something i didn't want to happen. you were due november 8, 2003. i told my doctor three things or three "wishes," if you will. i didn't want to be induced. i didn't want to have a c-section. and i didn't want to have a baby on halloween. at your delivery, he said with a smile on his face, "well, i got you one out of three."

i was put on a week of bed rest. whew, talk about boring. what's ironic is that so many of my patients were bed rest patients, and i thought their life looked like luxury. bless my heart. but i did my best to have a good attitude.

after my week of bedrest, my doc informed me that we would be inducing that night. ok, that was fine. no big deal. we called your grandma and grandpa, your nana and papa, your uncle bob and aunt emily, your uncle rick and aunt tanna, and pretty much everyone else in the metroplex to say that we have a baby tonight.

again, bless our hearts.

here i am in all my naivety. just brushing my teeth so i would have fresh, minty breath for the delivery of my baby in a short time.

labor lasted two days, without medicine, i might add. daddy was the best labor coach around. and as tough as those two days were, they were some of the best hours your daddy and i have ever shared together.

you might remember these from goo's birth. they're daddy's birthing shoes. he wanted something for the delivery, since i had gotten so many nice maternity clothes. dad is the best.

i hope and pray you find and meet and marry your very best friend someday.

we were in labor and delivery for so long that we had three different nurses. two of them worked two consecutive shifts.

she was our first nurse. look how happy and eager i am.

alice was our delivering nurse. daddy and i will always remember her as the cute, single nurse who wore halloween t-shirts two consecutive night shifts. she got us through both nights. she is/was a rock star.

theresa showed up the second day in a row, surprised that we hadn't had you yet. she was a friend of mine before i even got pregnant, so having her as part of our support team was incredibly special.

after two days, you had two substantial heart decels, so the doc informed us that he wasn't taking anymore chances with you. and we were off for an emergency c-section. in a matter of five minutes, i was prepped and ready for surgery. i was so scared, but your daddy was right there letting me know what was happening.

the two doctors got you out so quickly, i didn't have a chance to really understand what was happening. but dad got to see everything, and he said you were perfect. i was so well taken care of by everyone. i was just so glad you were healthy. but my heart almost couldn't take the joy i was experiencing because you were a boy. i think secretly daddy and i wanted a boy. and oh, big h, you were beautiful.

you were born at 6:39 on a thursday morning. the morning before halloween.

you had visitors immediately. benefit of working in a hospital...everyone knows your business. and i had so much adrenalin that i wanted to show you to everyone. i remembered being wheeled upstairs to my room and falling fast asleep until one o'clock in the afternoon when my nurse came in and told me i may want to feed you. oh, right. responsibility.

here are some of your visitors. all mommy's friends from the hospital. and mommy couldn't look any sleepier. and the orange thing on your head? it's a pumpkin hat that a nurse made for you.

here are bitsy and patrick, your namesake. they were our first couple friends and became near and dear to us in such a short time. and we really felt like the Lord blessed us with them in our life. we felt it only appropriate to name you after them.

here are some of mommy's co-workers/friends/nurses at the hospital. everyone was so excited that you were finally here.

mommy changing your diaper right before we left to go home. i was PETRIFIED to take you home. this is one of mommy's ALL-TIME favorite nurses EVER. she gave me more confidence than i ever knew to do with. oh, and we took you home the first week of november, and it was burning hot. i mean, 80-degrees. in november.

clearly, i learned early on that you didn't like hot weather either. that's my boy.

this is my first memory of you at home. i mean, look at you. all wrapped up not doing anything to anyone. just being peaceful little big h.

bless my heart. i think that was the last time i would EVER think of you as peaceful little big h.

we realized around five weeks that you had refluxed. you puked all day, every day. and the crying. oh the crying.

so we took every picture we could of you NOT crying.

you, mommy, daddy, aunt tanna, uncle rick, cousins tyler and april, and grandma and grandpa. grandpa...your other namesake. your first name belongs to him. and so does your heart.

mommy and daddy taking you to get our christmas tree that year.

mommy's two-week check up. seriously...i don't know where we would be without dr. b.

our first family christmas picture.

daddy looking at your first bottle attempt at two months, wondering what in the world was wrong with the bottle. because don't all babies take bottles???? yeah, no. not big h. you never did EVER take a bottle. high five for persistence and determination, dude.

awww...look at you sleeping. we loved it when you slept.

i'll take a moment to be honest here, big h. you were a hard baby. hard. difficult. i started going grey earlier than i had planned because you were not the dream baby i had planned. it was tough to take you places because when you cried, well, you CRIED. i mean, cried.

see?

but from the very first moment, you LOVED your daddy. who wouldn't.

and then daddy and i just started having fun with you. taking pictures of you that we could use at your rehearsal dinner. just really enjoying you and the little ball of character you were.

went to the lake for a change of pace and scenery. more crying. but mama clearly enjoying herself.

i caught you and dad experiencing some really unfortunate fashion mishaps. bless your hearts. clearly dad is excited. you...not so much.

and then you made your first little friend, jeb. you guys still love hanging out.

the day we dedicated you to the Lord.

so let's stop for a minute and see if you're picking up on something. big h, your life is so full of people who love you and who pray for you. God has blessed daddy and me with amazing people who have made our lives so rich. there is no way we could do this parenting thing on our own. your life has already been so impacted by people who will shape you into the man you will become.

like your daddy, for starters. talk about hero.

and your bff. who you've seen every tuesday or friday of your entire life. talk about shaping you.

see how we started just having fun with you?

see?

time spent at grandma and grandpa's bed and breakfast.

who knew after this day that you would grow to not like swimming?

...but love housekeeping?

you and leon, your occupational therapist. you didn't learn to crawl until you were ten and a half months old. leon loved to sing to you, and you loved it so much! we miss leon. oh, and you walked on your eleven month birthday. guess crawling just wasn't your thing.

where mommy eats on her birthday every year.

oh paci, may you rest in peace. (you called it an uh-oh, because when it would fall, you would say, "uh oh." you're smart like that.)

your first plane ride to montana to visit kelly. and the beginning of the ear infection season.

which lead to tubes.

it meant so much to dad to take you to your first oktoberfest.

and such a proud moment for mama to introduce you to shannon, from the first bachelor.

your first birthday invitation.

taking you to mama's alma mater.

your first birthday party.

taking you places was starting to be so much fun for us.

the first day of the "thomas season of life" for you. and who knew your first word other than mama and dada would be "shugga shugga?"

we've always known you were a little quirky.

your first day of mothers' day out. i had no idea how that year would change your life and mine.

and the angels who taught you that year. angels.

your second birthday.

ivan, your behavioral therapist. yeah, your behavioral therapist. you screamed a lot. and you could pitch a mother of a fit. you didn't care for ivan so much, but ivan gave mommy (and daddy) some amazing advice for how to live happily with you. and to really understand the ball of character you were/are.

ashley, your speech therapist. because apparently you're "behind" when you only say mama, dada, and shugga shugga at your second birthday party.

karen, your early intervention specialist. a long fancy title for providing so much moral support to mama for more than a year. i will never know how to thank her for sitting outside with me when it was 108 degrees and talking me through how hard it was to be your mama sometimes.

i mean, we knew you were persisitant. but you c'mon? you picked at that scar for six months. six months.

see?

your buddy stanly, our mailman. seriously, i don't know if he has any idea how much he makes your day.

and bff? week in and week out, she has been a staple in your life. and has been so present for everything.

christmas picture #3

and then we found out you were going to have a brother or sister. and you wanted to be a part of everything. you were so helpful. and we had really started to see some improvements in your speech and behavior. we were getting so eager to see how you would do with someone else in the house.

you were thrilled with her arrival. thrilled!

but you are kind of particular. and you didn't particularly approve of our exit from the hospital.

and thank you, thank you, thank you for making the transition to your big boy bed an easy one. daddy and i appreciate that more than you will ever know.

big h, you continue to be loved on by people. you continue to make friends. you continue to get more and more handsome. you continue to make me smile every day.

your nursery teachers at church, who have gotten to love on you for two and a half years.

your preschool teachers from last year.

c'mon...like i wouldn't include dr. g.

patrick and bitsy and bff and bob. mama's birthday again.

two of your cousins.

one of your teachers this year.

big h, you're four. and i can't believe it. and you know what? after all that we went through during your earlier years, nothing makes me happier than the sweet boy you are turning into. i think God is blessing our patience with such a wonderful reward. you are such an amazing kid. you are thoughtful. you are considerate. you obey others. you love your sister. you love your friends. you love your family. you have the sweetest little voice anyone has ever heard. and you melt my heart every time you want to talk to Jesus. that's why we are here, big h. i can say that i have never been prouder of someone. i love you with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength. you have made me a better person. and for that, i am grateful.

happy birthday, little man. you make my life rich.